体面

x

Advertisements

Calming

tumblr_mudg7otgyp1qajzcfo1_400

“When we look at the outside world, we are looking at only a small part that interests us. The world we see is not the entire universe but a limited one that the mind cares about. However, to our minds, that small world is the entire universe. Our reality is not the infinitely stretching cosmos but the small part we choose to focus on. Reality exists because our minds exist. Without the mind, there would be no universe.”

cr: The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down – Haemin Sunim

Nostalgia

tumblr_n6qog3zqys1rnthnco1_400

Spent time packing some of my things, and opened up many memories.

One of the saddest words written by a friend in the last of 9 birthday cards received:

“Guess we haven’t really been around for each other much these few months, & it’s surprising how I could get used to your absence in my life after a while. It isn’t that people haven’t been telling me to salvage this friendship, I just felt that it wasn’t in my place to do anything/there’s really nothing that I can possibly do about it anymore.”

From time to time, I still miss this friendship very dearly, and I still think about how things would have been if it turned out differently. And the question that has been left unanswered – what went wrong exactly?

May I have the courage to reach out again, perhaps someday. For continuation, or for closure.

tumblr_p3qyuvkila1rmw0cso1_400

Self-care

tumblr_p2hogq736g1up5z2fo1_400

We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.

We must stand up and move on to the next action.

Don’t think I can emphasise on the importance of self-care as much as it deserves.

Different people have different coping mechanisms, but what seems to be a common one is to always remind yourself of why you first started, where your passion lies, and what are your motivations. Sure enough, we witness the uglier side of humanity on a daily basis as social workers – how do we then decide when it is time to let the passion take a step back, and honestly reflect and reconsider upon this choice to be a social worker?

In recent weeks, I have seen friends fall deeper and deeper into the pit of low mood….. and the helplessness is legit. And yet I find myself struggling to stay afloat as well, yes there are good days that make things seems a whole lot better, but how do we also then manage those bad days when everything seems to be a mistake? It hurts to be helpless, it hurts to admit that we are helpless. And it’s difficult to reach out for help.

Nothing is black, nothing is white. In this profession, everything is grey, and that’s what makes our work so meaningful, that’s what makes our work exciting, and yet that’s what makes our work so frustrating too. It’s good to be aware of your frustrations, because it then makes you more focused on knowing what should be done next to mend those gaps – to change that frustration into motivation. But the question then would be, where do we draw the line?

How could what makes our profession so beautiful, be the very same thing that eventually causes people to leave the profession? I hope I’ll never find the answer to that question.

Being in the medical setting also means that something we can’t run away from is death. When we mourn, when we grief, what goes through our minds exactly? Does the sadness stem from a selfish belief of being unable to achieve certain things, or is it due to perceived regrets by the deceased?

When we think about the question “what does death mean to you?”, we can’t run away from also thinking about “what does living mean to you?” Just wondering, how important is it for workers to have our own answers, before we are ready to work with others? Will we ever be ready?

And as professionals, what kind of regrets surface when we face the death of our patients? Given our role in this, and that the harsh truth is that our time is finite and we aren’t here as befrienders, we do not have the luxury of time to spend with them. So when the quantity is compromised, let’s at least make sure that the quality isn’t.

Of late night thoughts and reflections. Till the next time.

tumblr_of5r7z8ecn1vzicxio1_400

All Falls Down

tumblr_mpjpl3cfnv1rkzjt0o1_400

You must learn to let go. Release the stress. Because you were never in control anyway.

Life at work hasn’t been the easiest yet, sure there are good days and yet when the bad days strike, they strike hard & fast. Learning how to manage my stress, constantly reminding myself that there’s just so much I’m able to do, and that I’m human too – it’s okay to feel like I’m breaking some days. I’m only human, only human, only human.

Secretly glad I got to take the day off, but really apologetic to my team for having to cover for me today …. death by responsibilities lol. This team is amazing though, don’t think I would have been able to survive the past 6 months if it weren’t for them & their constant accompaniment :’) Never would trade them for any other, I feel so so blessed to have them in my life. At least with them around, work doesn’t seem all too bad after all.

So today coincidentally marks my first day after passing probation – it has been a good 6 months since I step foot into this first phase of adulthood. Possibly going to have some changes in work in the near future? Not sure what lies ahead, but I’ll learn to embrace it nevertheless. And what hasn’t changed is how proud I am about my profession still, after all these months 🙂

November slipped by quietly and December tiptoed in, feeling all warm & fuzzy inside because it’s my favourite month of the year for various reasons. It’s the Christmas season *my fave hehe), and most importantly, it marks the end of yet another year well battled. I’m ready for 2017 to end, it hasn’t been the smoothest yet but those thoughts shall be left for a later post to sum up my year.

One more day at work tomorrow before I get to scoot off for a short getaway, so so excited for the much needed break 🙂 Really need the time to think things through, to reflect, relax, and to be calm again. Inner peace, they call it? Been thinking too much again lately…… so much for no regrets hmmmmmm.

“So many versions of just one memory, and yet none of them were right or wrong. Instead, they were all pieces. Only when fitted together, edge to edge, could they even begin to tell the whole story.”