Infinite; Inspirit

Some time in mid-December last year, I joined this awesome, wonderful, unique family – Inspirits. For those who don’t know, Inspirits are the fans of kpop boy band Infinite. It came about as a huge irony, considering how I always told my mum & sis that I would never go kpop crazy, but I did. It was a really quick process; I watched one episode of Ranking King since my sis was watching it (she’s an Inspirit before me), and I grew curious. Probed around more, continued watching, and I officially became an Inspirit even before I knew it. Infinite is the first group that I went crazy over, watching all their variety shows, listening to all their songs, going high & following all their updates.

I don’t regret it one bit, despite having to acknowledge that my love for kpop has died down a little since uni started, it’s hard to cope with all the fangirling amidst the insane workload in uni. That aside, I am proud to say that I am still a faithful Inspirit. Just like what Dongwoo (my ultimate bias in Infinite) said,

“Once you become Inspirit, you will be Inspirit forever. We will also be Infinite forever!”

Indeed, once an Inspirit, always an Inspirit. This fandom has always been so special to me as it made me feel like family (I know this might sound crazy for those who don’t understand). Being an Inspirit allowed me to forge many strong bonds & friendships, it allowed me to get to know more Inspirits, some of whom have became such good friends of mine, sharing the same passion & love for Infinite. I always thought Inspirits were different from other fandoms (no offence to other fandoms okay), staying united in times of crisis or whatsoever. I chose to believe in that, but I think whatever happened today made me … disappointed, really really disappointed.

Myungsoo/L of Infinite was rumoured to be dating an ulzzang named Kim Do Yeon. And I can’t emphasize how important the word RUMOURED means. There isn’t real proof, and both Woolliment & L has denied it. Personally, it seems to me as baseless claims. Yeah there might be pictures & stuff, but it doesn’t all tally, and most claims have already been discredited by all the comparisons and probing by other Inspirits who have such sharp eyes & good observations. Woolliment & L both said that they were just good friends, and they were not dating. And you know what? I choose to trust their words. If they say it isn’t true, then I believe it isn’t. After all, everything is built on trust – what’s the point of being in a fandom where you can’t even do the simplest of things, to trust your bias/idol’s words?

It really disheartens me to know that various of L’s major fansites have gone on a hiatus because of this. Imagine how L would feel knowing that his fans don’t even trust him, imagine how he’d feel knowing his fans decide to “ditch” him at a time like this – just because of a baseless rumour. If Kim Do Yeon is really just setting this whole thing up (after all I learnt that she did the same with GD but was exposed to be lying), wouldn’t L be nothing but a victim, someone who’s as hurt as all his fans, in this incident?

Perhaps the fans from these major fansites are deeply hurt by this piece of news. Honestly I was really shocked and appalled when I first learnt of it as well, just like all the eLements/Inspirits out there. I guess it came across as something I didn’t expect would happen. But think about it, so what if it is true, and what if it isn’t? True Inspirits should still stay in the fandom and unconditionally support Infinite no matter what, isn’t it? Isn’t that the whole point of being an Inspirit? And shouldn’t we respect the privacy of idols? They are humans too, they have feelings too, and they have absolutely every right to date whoever they want, they have the freedom of choice, freedom to do whatever they want. It’s simply unfair to deprive them of the basic rights in their lives just because they chose to venture into the profession of being idols. Yeah there might be some mandatory compromise here and there, in terms of them having to watch their behavior/things they do and say since they are public figures, but I sincerely feel that the (negative) reactions from the fans were absolutely unnecessary.

With all of that said, I think I need to clarify – I’m not bashing anyone or whatever, I just feel that as Inspirits, the main thing we should be doing now is to stay strong and not doubt our idols. Would it make you feel better if you see a gloomy Infinite on stage (especially L) because they were affected by this entire issue? For one, it would make me feel nothing but sad and miserable. And they have feelings too okay ): Really hoping that everything will be clarified soon, and that the matter will just fade away into the background and not be mentioned anymore. And that this won’t jeopardize Infinite’s career in any way ):

On a happier note, Infinite’s Request is such a nice song + the MV is so awesome *o* Inspirits, please continue to support them unconditionally alright? That’s the fandom that I am proud to be in. And INFINITE OGS Singapore is in 8 days (: I really really really can’t wait for 5 Oct to come, everything feels so surreal right now omg.

“Because there are Inspirits, there’s Infinite. And because there’s Infinite, there are Inspirits.” – INFINITE Myungsoo

Infinite x Inspirit, may everything get better soon. Because this is the fandom I’m really, really proud to be in.

Fire to ember, ember to ashes

Because not everything needs to be reciprocated the same way.

Update! It’s the Monday of recess week and to be honest … it was far from productive. And that sucks considering how soon midterms are hmm. Stupid me for choosing all 5 modules with midterms zz. Thankful that Genes & Society midterms are over, with full marks for the test thanks to A4 teamwork power (: It’s probably the easiest midterms ever seriously. At least that’s one down! Mid term schedule as follows:

01 Oct: Psychology

02 Oct: Living with Mathematics

04 Oct: Linear Algebra

09 Oct: Sociology

Did I mention (no obviously i haven’t) that psych midterms are AT NIGHT??? Way too cool and hopefully it’ll turn out well since I’m more of a night person than a daytime kind of person. Because of the cohort size for PL1101E, the midterms are gon be from 8-10pm. Hope it will be manageable, can’t afford to screw up this after all since I have hopes of majoring in psych x__x

And of course … amidst all the mugging & stress, super looking forward to 05 Oct ‘cos it’s INFINITE OGSSG (: Can’t wait for it, it seems so surreal, and it will be my first time going to moshpit for a concert. Mixed feelings, mega excited because I’ve been waiting for so long for it. And that’s one of my main motivations to get me through uni life so far … what lies beyond 05 Oct? ): Need to have something else to work towards already ugh. Can’t wait for OGSSG, I already know it’s gon be an awesome day of queuing + night of Infinite hotness *o* And of course the great company for the concert, every single bit of 05 Oct is making me all jumpy wheeeee.

Many events that I haven’t posted about and I will prolly post it all after midterms only …… including Hwach MAF 2013 + Kaile’s 1st Birthday Party! And many other random small stuff that I want to talk about I guess. These few days have changed my perspectives on someone big time and I’m … not sure if it’s a good thing sigh. But I need to be firm in what I believe in, shouldn’t I? It has been a long way, a long time, I should be feeling guilty of even thinking that way but ugh from what people tell me + what I read … I really don’t know what to believe in anymore. Help help help ugh

Complications aside, I swear my entire life has been a lie so far. And I’m living in a facade. But I’m cool with it, I guess.



It’s a terrible love


Goodbye may seem forever,

farewell is like the end,

but in my heart is a memory and

there you will always be.

I know I’ve neglected endlessparadigm for a few days now, don’t worry I haven’t abandoned you yet hahah. Been really busy and stuff these few days to do a proper update (including today since I got home not long ago from Kaile’s 1 y-o birthday party which I will post about in detail soon I promise). Just wanted to post for the sake of … posting or else there will be cob webs and spiders crawling all over endlessparadigm LOL. Alright proper update soon, hopefully by tomorrow hee time to hit the books midterms are coming



Life as we see it

This life is what you make it. No matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes, it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends – they’ll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything – they’re your true best friends. Don’t let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And baby, I hate to say it, most of them – actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if you give up, you’ll never find your soulmate. You’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about. – Marilyn Monroe

Ridiculous nostalgia

It’s 2.12am and I should prolly get to bed soon … but I’m not even sleepy. Don’t even know what I’m doing now staying up in an attempt to study (but failing very badly). Can’t help but to keep getting distracted here and there ugh |: Maybe I’ll do up a proper post later in the day if I’m free.

And I wanted to post something. But I can’t remember what I wanted to post. But I just thought of it a few seconds ago. My memory is failing me ): Ugh I hate it when I’m unable to recall stuff like that. And this temporary memory block thing is happening waaaaay too often these days ):

On a happy note, it’s just one day left to MAF I am so excited yey ex-hwach people see y’all around go for MAF okay it will be memorable for sure. Really can’t wait to meet my hierarchy babes + 7G, felt like I haven’t seen them in a million years and I miss them so much already ):

AND I REMEMBERED WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT YEY. As of 12 September 2013, I guess everything was finalised. Glad I made the decision, hope I will hold on to what I believe in for so long and … please don’t make me regret that decision. Now I’m really looking forward to it, life ahead please be exciting and kind to me alright (: It took courage to go for it, considering all the complications tied in etc. And yet I’m so glad that I’m not alone in this, and it’s a mega huge bonus to have one of my best friends to be in it with me. It means a lot, you have no idea at all how much difference it makes. Hence I’m really really happy now (:

Okay I can’t believe I took that long to type these few words, I can’t think properly at a time like this LOL whoops. I think I’m gon regret staying up when the fatigue kicks in later but … who cares right. It’s 2.19am, time to hit the books again okay I suddenly seem so studious yey (it’s nothing but a facade). Suddenly recalled of the times my friends called me mugger shiao when I clearly wasn’t one – maybe it was sarcasm HAHA.

Interesting fact of the day/night: my close friends like to call me shiao. And I like to be called shiao, I don’t know why. But it sounds nice. Even though it can refer to both me & my sis.

Another interesting fact of the day/night: I just realised/recalled that my sis calls me shiao too. Maybe everytime I think she’s talking to me, she’s actually talking to herself.

Last interesting fact of the day/night: I’m guessing you (yes you who’s reading this now) are just facepalming and LOLing at the rubbish I just typed.

2.22am and I shall end this highly incoherent post here, nights in advance


Heart by heart


Shall do a quick post up! Currently waiting for mummy to fetch me from school … chilling @ The Deck alone since Huimin left for her RP. Had psych e-learning tutorial discussion, it was awkward initially since the few of us in our discussion group didn’t know each other at first, but it got better I guess (: Overall it was a really interesting discussion, the topic of sensory illusions is so interesting (:

Downloaded a song just approximately 4 days ago, and the play count is at 285 (and counting) right now. It’s the movie soundtrack of The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It’s a movie I will definitely want to catch some time soon, and I downloaded the e-book series already hee started on the first book and yes it seems super interesting. Can’t wait to continue reading, but I really need to start planning and regulating my timing properly hmm. I was supposed to make good use of this e-learning week  but I haven’t done much so far. Hopefully it will get more productive as the days go by, or I know I will regret hmm. Okay back to the song. I think the song is super nice, Heart by Heart – Demi Lovato.

When you’re with the one you were meant to find
Everything falls in place, all the stars align
When you’re touched by the cloud that has touched your soul
Don’t let go
Someone comes into your life
It’s like they’ve been in your life forever

Mega love the lyrics + I know I will never get tired of listening to this song over and over again (: On a sidenote … Avril’s new album is finally going to be released – the long wait is over YEY can’t wait to download her latest album the songs are all so promising (evidently from the two singles released earlier this year)! Mega huge Avril Lavigne fan if you didn’t already know, loving her songs since primary school days. It has been a looooong time (:

Just 3 more days and it’s back to Hwach for MAF 2013, no words can explain how excited I am for it, the countdown is killing me can time just hurry fast forward to Saturday ): I miss my JC friends so much + it will be a good chance to see juniors & catch up with them (: Sighpie hurry hurry okay maybe I should just be super engrossed in mugging/completing assignments in these 3 days and time will fly quickly (does it even work this way). I am so troubled by psych & soci mid term assignments ugh ): I’ll start working on them tonight, I promise.


Maybe someday I should compile a book of things that I’ll never say. Thoughts etc, it scares me how much thoughts are left unsaid – now that I think about it. I wonder how different my life will turn out if I was more daring in certain aspects hmm. Whatever ugh, time can’t undo and I can’t rewrite the past … not like the present is any better now actually. But I’m learning, learning to adapt, learning how to get over certain things. And to stop thinking about certain things too those thoughts kill me like no other ugh ): 

We can hide things away. But we can’t forget.

This is so true ): And that’s why I’m feeling so miserable and all right now. Anyway last night/the past few nights have been dedicated to talking/listening to one of my friends and her stories … it made me have many realisations. They all just dawned upon me etc, I shan’t reveal too much here but I would say it was definitely worth the time and late nights, somehow amidst listening to her pour out all her inner feelings & troubles, made me sort my thoughts properly too. Confused, yet I think I get and know what direction I want things to head to. I don’t know if I’m making sense at all, this is so hard to pen down into words. But no matter what, I’ll get over it, I’ll shut all ’em stupid thoughts up, and just let fate decide everything. 

It’s not cliched to believe in fate, right? I really believe in fate, I believe in destiny & all that stuff. Someday, everything will turn out to be perfect in my life. I know it will, I just need to have the faith. Shall end my post here, I’m running out of sane thoughts already maybe another post tonight or tomorrow or I don’t know whenever I feel like it k bye bye bye

P.S. I love snapchatting my babes I swear they send the most amount of entertainment via all ’em stupid pictures/videos


And you know my heart by heart x