Broken arrow

THIS AIN’T GON BE A LONG/PROPER UPDATE BECAUSE I AM SO DRAINED RIGHT NOW. But I remembered something that I forgot to post about yesterday so here I am!

Went out some day last week after school with my dearest FASS seniors Meina & Qijin (: Went to J8, main aim was to chillax + have dinner together + watch Insidious 2. And since we were all Inspirits … it was necessary to head to Comics Connection! We were such kind souls who helped them arrange their stuff properly *coughs* and we kind of displayed all the Infinite merchandises at the front instead of being buried at the back (: It was really obvious that Inspirits went to Comics Connection because wherever they displayed kpop merch – Infinite was just BAM. Right in your face ^^ Proud to be Inspirits, thankful to have such crazy awesome friends.

Dinner at Ramen Play, and Insidious 2 with Qijin! Insidious 2 was really gooooood + funny at times (yes I know it’s a horror movie but hey there were funny scenes okay). And we were being obsessed with stuff like “Omg the camera batt in the movie has 78%! And now it dropped to 77%!” and “The thing hanging on the door looks like an Infinite sign” HAHA. Can’t blame us for being such dedicated Inspirits (‘: I think 99% of you reading this post won’t understand what I’m talking about but it’s okay, Inspirits will understand hee.

I love such outings, can’t wait for our Inspirits family gathering/sleepover for our watch-everything-of-Infinite-since-they-debut together with my 4 favorite Inspirits, it’s gon be so exciting, can’t wait for holidays to come! Just slightly more than 1 month more, I must persevere yes I must (:

On a sidenote, today was an awesome day in school but I’m really too drained to type about it so, maybe tomorrow!

Days like this, I feel so, so thankful x

Advertisements

Forever is over

Guilty of not updating properly for some time … but here it is! It’s funny how people still visit endlessparadigm despite the obvious lack of updates/boring lame posts that are 99% of the time incoherent. I’m cool/weird this way though.

Wind Symphony concert last Saturday night with Tzehan to support Huimin (: Good job for the concert, it was really nice/amusing at times. Loved the pieces during The Sound of Music, it was so captivating & what-not (: And that marks the first uni-based concert that I’ve attended in NUS. Hope you like the flowers/choc hee (: 

Oh and just something random. I planted some sunflower seeds at home on 26 Oct, hoping that they will grow soon yey (: Takes weeks/months for them to grow, it would be cool if they bloom by my birthday in dec, marking exactly 2 months since they were first planted. I remember planting such flowers etc in kindergarten, although honestly I wasn’t capable of doing much then. Whatever it is, it’s just fun to do something leisure amidst busy times in uni, fighting against the clock to meet deadlines/mugging just to do well for finals etc. Sunflowers, please bloom soon (: And maybe I’ll go get more types of flower seeds to plant, I swear this gets addictive LOL.

Feeling slightly better now, yesterday was insane. The night before I woke up at approx 4.30am, feeling as though I was literally burning/on fire. And when I woke up proper in the morning, fever was here to visit me. Highest recorded temperature was 38.6deg, I think my brain was cooked or something omg. Been long since I had a fever, but once I fall sick it gets really serious ): Felt so groggy the entire day with no appetite/all I wanted to do was to just sleeeeep. But I ended up sleeping only at 12.30am, so much for “let’s sleep early to get a speedy recovery”. I really shouldn’t be playing with my health. And I need to stop relying on Panadol. It’s bad.

Thought catalog. It’s a really cool website, with many good reads in it. Constantly updated, I like reading the articles there, do give it a chance/check them out, you won’t regret (: I foresee myself reblogging more posts from there – but don’t worry not too many or endlessparadigm’s actual posts would just be lost in the ocean of reblogs. And that will make my blog somewhat like how Tumblr functions, wouldn’t want that to happen. That’s a reason why I have a tumblr, for tumblring purposes after all (:

I think the human heart/mind is really intriguing. They seem to constantly be in agreement, and yet when we meet the possible toughest decisions in life, they step into two different perspectives, arguments, idk. And it starts making you confused about everything & your mind wandering, and wondering. But I remember this quote I saw on tumblr, and it goes something like “Don’t let your mind help you decide the matters of the heart.” And then it all made sense. All the pieces started to fall into place. Trust your heart’s decisions, you won’t go wrong. Okay you might, but at least you know for sure you won’t regret. At least I know I wouldn’t. 

 

Ahh okay I don’t know what I’m talking about so bye x

 

Ugly hearts

Ain’t going to be a proper update but, I just had to type something to get it off my chest it’s really bugging me. Watching two videos today just made me … doubt my choice for the first time ever. I don’t know if I’m ready to dwell into such stuff – if I ever need to – in the future. 

The human mind is so intriguing and yet … disgusting. I’m genuinely disgusted. And disturbed. I don’t know if I can do this any longer ………..

Listening To Your Heart Vs. Listening To Your Mind

Thought Catalog

Everyone probably has at least one, if not many, relationships they knew they shouldn’t have gotten into it. Your mind is most likely the culprit every time this happens. You analyze a guy you encounter and try to rationalize getting into the relationship for a variety of reasons. You may be bored, have poor options, or recovering from a disastrous relationship, and he just may be the best of the worst.

Your mind could possibly be thinking a million things like, well this could be convenient, he likes me so much, or in my case, he seems all right, I guess this could work. All these things usually pertain to the great personality traits of the guy and ignore how strange or horrible he probably is, causing your brain to temporary silence your heart shouting “Don’t do it!” in the background.

Logic is equally as important as remembering what your…

View original post 312 more words

Bad day

It has been a really bad day I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. Can this day get any worse. And I feel so bad to my friends whom I’m complaining/confiding to but if I don’t I really don’t know what will happen. And it doesn’t help when I seem like a burden to some of you. Perhaps it was a wrong move, I don’t know. I just thought we were close enough for you to at least listen. I guess that really hurt me, even more than everything that is going wrong in my life right now.

 

And when I say my life is so screwed up now, it’s a major understatement. I’m serious. The least you could do was to act like you care okay -.- I really thought we were close friends. It really really hurts okay.

Time turns flame to embers

“We stopped checking for monsters under our beds when we realized they were inside of us.”

Not looking forward to tomorrow at all. For one, we’re gon get linear alg + soci midterm papers back … and there’s also another reason. May everything go well, although I can foresee it to be a really bad day ahead already sigh. Shall just see how it goes ):

Finished one of the three books that I borrowed, will start on the second book tonight (: Reading really gets my mind off stuff. And that’s a good thing, considering how messed up my thoughts are right now ugh. Can’t decide which book to read first though, both seem so interesting *o* 

Coooool it just started raining YEY I love night rains (: The sky is weeping for me, tomorrow is my doomsday. And I really don’t know what to type already so I shall end this pointless post soon, thanks for taking your time to read this LOL.

“I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favourite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and then they go back to being strangers. It’s like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.”

I don’t want any of my friendships/relationships to end this way ): But sometimes, it’s inevitable, isn’t it? Why must life be so complicated. If only time could rewind, things would have been so different, if I knew then what I know now. If only.

Sidenote, please let everything go well. Please let it be worth it. And no I’m not talking about academics for this.

x

So much for my happy ending

yanilavigne:More?

“It’s scary to find someone that makes you happy. You start giving them all of your attention because they’re what makes you forget everything bad that’s going on in your life. They’re the first person you want to talk to, just so you can start and end your day with a smile. It all sounds great to have someone, but it’s scary to know how easily they could just leave and take that happiness away too when they go.”

And so here’s another update. Because I’m sick of school stuff, sick of everything. I don’t like how I feel now, I know that I don’t like it, but I just can’t help but feel this way. Maybe I thought that I was better, that I was feeling okay, but I guess it turned out to be nothing but a mere facade, nothing changed and nothing’s going the right way.

Many friends feeling unhappy around me these days ): I really don’t like it when my friends get upset, because I get upset too, especially knowing that I’m just as helpless & can’t help to lift their mood up, no matter how hard I try. It kind of makes me feel like a lousy friend ): But it’s just so stressful … I’m not exactly in the best mood these days, I’m trying you know? I’m trying real hard to cope with all these. I hope everyone around me gets better soon, life may be tough but eventually it will get better, someday. Maybe not today, but someday it will. We’ve just got to believe that it will.

And maybe that’s the reason why I don’t show my emotions that easily. I’d rather continue to be smiling & all, so that nobody needs to worry for/about me. But it gets tiring, wearing this mask everyday despite all the conflicting thoughts running through my mind everyday. 

With that said, I’m so appreciative of ’em friends who can actually see through this mask. Or at least those who constantly check on me/my mood, I feel the genuine concern that I’m so thankful for (: Definitely friends worth keeping, friends worth relying on. I really don’t know what to feel now. Happy for you? Yet sad for myself? Maybe I thought I’m strong enough to deal with this. But maybe it hasn’t exactly sank in yet. Too many maybes, hmm. As we grow up, everything gets more complicated, and at the same time, it gets clearer too. What an irony, isn’t it? Go figure, life’s like this.

Made an impromptu decision to head to the library yesterday night – and I’m glad I made that decision. Borrowed 3 books, started on one, it’s definitely a good read. Letter to My Daughter – George Bishop. Quite a number of tumblr-worthy quotes that I found in the book, I shall collate it all if I’m hardworking enough (: Sometimes reading is such a therapeutic thing to do, in a sense that it allows you to entire this entire different realm, where nothing else really matters and it’s just you and the book. I should really start freeing up more time to dedicate to reading. Reading makes you think. I like thinking, about everything & anything. I’m weird this way.

 

yanilavigne:More?

 

If only happiness, was so easily attainable though. If only.

 

I wish x