“It’s scary to find someone that makes you happy. You start giving them all of your attention because they’re what makes you forget everything bad that’s going on in your life. They’re the first person you want to talk to, just so you can start and end your day with a smile. It all sounds great to have someone, but it’s scary to know how easily they could just leave and take that happiness away too when they go.”
And so here’s another update. Because I’m sick of school stuff, sick of everything. I don’t like how I feel now, I know that I don’t like it, but I just can’t help but feel this way. Maybe I thought that I was better, that I was feeling okay, but I guess it turned out to be nothing but a mere facade, nothing changed and nothing’s going the right way.
Many friends feeling unhappy around me these days ): I really don’t like it when my friends get upset, because I get upset too, especially knowing that I’m just as helpless & can’t help to lift their mood up, no matter how hard I try. It kind of makes me feel like a lousy friend ): But it’s just so stressful … I’m not exactly in the best mood these days, I’m trying you know? I’m trying real hard to cope with all these. I hope everyone around me gets better soon, life may be tough but eventually it will get better, someday. Maybe not today, but someday it will. We’ve just got to believe that it will.
And maybe that’s the reason why I don’t show my emotions that easily. I’d rather continue to be smiling & all, so that nobody needs to worry for/about me. But it gets tiring, wearing this mask everyday despite all the conflicting thoughts running through my mind everyday.
With that said, I’m so appreciative of ’em friends who can actually see through this mask. Or at least those who constantly check on me/my mood, I feel the genuine concern that I’m so thankful for (: Definitely friends worth keeping, friends worth relying on. I really don’t know what to feel now. Happy for you? Yet sad for myself? Maybe I thought I’m strong enough to deal with this. But maybe it hasn’t exactly sank in yet. Too many maybes, hmm. As we grow up, everything gets more complicated, and at the same time, it gets clearer too. What an irony, isn’t it? Go figure, life’s like this.
Made an impromptu decision to head to the library yesterday night – and I’m glad I made that decision. Borrowed 3 books, started on one, it’s definitely a good read. Letter to My Daughter – George Bishop. Quite a number of tumblr-worthy quotes that I found in the book, I shall collate it all if I’m hardworking enough (: Sometimes reading is such a therapeutic thing to do, in a sense that it allows you to entire this entire different realm, where nothing else really matters and it’s just you and the book. I should really start freeing up more time to dedicate to reading. Reading makes you think. I like thinking, about everything & anything. I’m weird this way.
If only happiness, was so easily attainable though. If only.
I wish x