Can you smile?


“She smiles from time to time, definitely a charming smile, but it’s always limited somehow, a smile that never goes beyond the moment. A high invisible wall surrounds her, holding people at arm’s length.”

The picture quote above is so apt for all the eLements/Inspirits out there who are hurting because of the news that Myungsoo & Kim Do Yeon dated before. Many thoughts about this issue which I’ve shared with ’em fellow Inspirits. Spent an hour or so (and it was a mistake) browsing through the #myungsoo hashtag on tumblr, read so so so many posts on the stands that various fans out there have on this matter. Reading all of those made me feel a whirlpool of emotions – bitter, bittersweet, sad, sour, and quite surprisingly – true love. There were so many fans out there who were hurting, yet amidst all the pain they feel, they’re wishing the best for Myungsoo. So many open letters written by Inspirits to Kim Do Yeon, one of which has been circulating more than others, and I quote:

To: Kim Do Yeon

In case you and Kim Myungsoo will be together someday, love him as much as you can. Love him more than we do. He’s really a good guy, he makes us cry, laugh, happy and everything. Please take good care of him. Please don’t hurt him and don’t leave him, because we, Inspirits, really really love him so so much and we’re really hurt about this. But there’s nothing we can do but to accept it. These things were really hard to say but yeah. We need to support him and you. And that’s our part, a part of being a fan. Just a fan </3

– Inspirits/myungsoo stans.

That last line really struck me hard. And I applaud this Inspirit’s courage to be able to write such an impactful message. Everyone’s hurting in this matter – hell I’m feeling the sadness despite being a dongwoo-biased. Hopefully this matter will die down soon ): And the last thing we need is for this to cause Infinite to have an internal fight (again).   

Realised most of my posts these days are revolving around kpop/Infinite hmm. This shouldn’t be the way, I need to stop being so obsessed – but no it won’t make me any less an Inspirit, and that’s for sure.

Hmm yeah, my life right now. So tired, physically & emotionally drained. Finals, among other bits & pieces going on right now, are sucking the hell out of my life. And it gets so tiring sometimes you know? I should really stop thinking too much it’s detrimental in all ways possible. Cleared 60% of my finals already, this deserves a celebration because hey, first sem of uni & I managed to survive 3 papers on the same day for finals *pops confetti* hahah. So much for wanting to plan my timetable properly, way to go yey me. Currently 03:01, and tired. But it’s a different kind of tired, the kind of tired that sleep can’t fix. I’ll continue mugging for linear alg after this post, I promise. Two more papers left before I conclude Y1S1 as an NUS FASS student. This sem has been full of ups and downs, wanted to do a summary post about uni & all, but maybe I’ll save that for my concluding 2013 post (: 2014 is arriving so soon, how time flies. May the remaining of 2013 be better sigh ):

Earlier today, Amanda told me this:

“Your happiness won’t fall from the sky. Make it happen.”

So true, so true indeed x

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What means the most

Sony MDR World Wide Performer – INFINITE

Best Male Group – INFINITE

And the two pictures above depicted the defining moments as an Inspirit during MAMA 2013, held in Hong Kong on 22 Nov 2013. ‘was overwhelmed with feels while watching MAMA 2013 last night amidst all the insane spazzing with Inspirits/friends (‘: currently still feeling the bliss & insane amount of happiness, hence I’m going to do a short update before heading back to study!

Infinite performed alongside Troublemaker & it was a really good performance, although the storyline was lame/totally unnecessary imo. Infinite performed BTD + Destiny, it was pure awesomeness & hotness from the 7 boys *o* However … the cameraman needs to get his priorities right – what’s the point of showing reactions/views of other idols when Infinite (and also other idols) is performing?! And what’s the point of having long distance shots – like oh let’s play try-to-spot-the-performers game?! It was so ridiculous to the point we were literally fuming mad ugh, especially when they cut off the ending. Anyway, what’s important is that Infinite did such an awesome job in their performance, considering how tired they must be after rushing from country to country for their OGS World Tour *o* Felt so damn :’)

And the first award that Infinite received was the Sony MDR World Wide Performer :”’) Feeling so proud that their efforts, sweat and tears have been recognised. They really do deserve this award – I mean they are on a World Tour now!! It came as a shock initially ‘cos we didn’t know of the existence of this award but … mega spazzing (‘: And they mentioned Dongwoo’s birthday + Dongwoo spoke *o* So so so so proud & happy for them! Nothing beats having their sincerity recognised.

From then on, our Inspirits WA convo was just occasionally spazzing & occasionally dissing *coughs*. ‘cos we thought that Best Male Group would be some other group that I shan’t mention, so when they were giving that award we were all just “come on please get over and done with this already ugh” ……… until the prize presenter said INFINITE. I literally shrieked out WHAT!?. That single moment was infinite (no pun intended) (okay maybe it was intended) :’) Once again, it was the best moment of the night for both Infinite & Inspirits. On a sidenote, I think it’s so disheartening that a certain rookie group literally displayed their unhappiness & disdain on their faces upon realisation that they weren’t the recipients of Best Male Group. It was just really .. rude ugh.

22 Nov 2013, a day that was really happening. It was Dongwoo’s birthday as well, & #24thDongziziDAY was trending 1st worldwide + in 6 countries ^^ Winning the 2 awards during MAMA 2013 came off as a surprise for Infinite & Inspirits, but it must be the best present that Dongwoo can receive on his birthday :’)

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Mandatory as a Dongwoo-biased to do a picture collage on Dongziziday :’) & seeing all the genuine smiles on their faces despite being tired & all last night, it was in that instance, where I knew that, choosing to join this Inspirits family is possibly one of the best decisions made thus far.

Shall end this post here and continue mugging, feeling really much better right now! Ending off with a new-found quote yesterday, and this is gon get me through the tough days from now on:

The moment when you’re about to give up is generally a moment right before a miracle happens.” – Jang Dong Woo

Happiness, thankful, blissful; this love is infinite x

I never told you

“Love goes two ways.” 

Yumin told me that just now & I realised how true it is. Hence posting it here, it’s a simple sentence with 4 mere words and yet it’s so deep in its meaning. So many different types of love exist – admiration/friends/attraction etc. Love really goes both ways, it can either make you the happiest or saddest girl on earth. It’s amazing how much love can turn moods up & down in the blink of an eye.

Should be on a hiatus to concentrate on mugging for finals but I had to blog about the above quote before I forget so … here’s an update! Kind of tired of mugging already, but yeah have no choice but to persevere and press on. 12 more days before finals end, I can do this (:

Immense gratitude to the people who’ve stuck by me all these while, who’ve been listening to me rant & what-nots, showing care and concern for me in all ways possible, these people are the one who keep me going, when times get rough :’) Can’t wait for finals to be over really. Realised how much more appreciative I’ve been as compared to past years, but it’s a good thing right? It’s important to cherish all ’em loved ones.

V told me some time last week that mugging shouldn’t be because we have to do it, but because we want to do it. That way it will be so much more productive. And it dawned upon me how true that is, it’s a sudden realisation, something so simple yet important – something that I’ve failed to appreciate all these while. Putting aside all the requirements & what-nots, mugging turns a whole lot better & waaay more meaningful, if we mug because we want to, not out of obligations or whatsoever. Thank you V, for making me realize how important it was to understand that ❤ And for everything & anything, it means a lot.

Wanted to end the post with a picture-word post that I saw on tumblr but the picture’s a little scary so … I shan’t post it here! Although it looks cool but I really don’t want to scare people who visit endlessparadigm LOL. I’ll just quote the words:

Monsters are real, and ghosts are too.

They live inside us,

And sometimes,

They win.

We’re not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again x

Till we meet again

 

Too many macaron pictures on tumblr making me crave for them so much ): Chose this picture to post because the colour scheme was the nicest (pink-biased here), and the entire layout etc is just … perfect. Can’t wait for post-finals when I can go cafe-hopping/just chillaxing with all the free time in the world, no worries, no nothing.

Currently D-9 to first day of finals. On a happier note, after 26 Nov, it will be 3 papers down (: Trying my best to mug as hard as I can. To all ’em friends out there, all the best for finals! It’ll be over sooner than we expect it. Oh anyway this is gon be a really short post because I don’t exactly have the luxury of time right now. I swear time is always NOT on my side. Amidst all the mugging, currently planning for something interesting. So excited, but shan’t say much.

14 November 2013, Thursday. That day marked the final day of official lessons I had in AY13/14 Y1S1. It was the best way I could ever end my sem (: Thank you so so much to Amanda for the Ritz Apple Strudel + note!! It made my day start well/awesome! Went back to arts to meet Meina & Qijin, chatted a short while! Thank you thank you thank you Meina for the Yakult & the super cool note YOU ARE APPRECIATED TOO (‘: And Qijin for the welfare pack too!! The stuff in it are amusing HAHA. And then lunch at Reedz cafe with Qijin! First time stepping into Biz, kind of got lost for a while (what do you expect from 2 lousy-direction-sense people) LOL. 

In a nutshell, this sem ended on a good note, thankful for all ’em people who made my semester a memorable/bearable one.

18 Things Everyone Should Start Making Time For Again

Thought Catalog

1. Writing things by hand. Letters to friends, lists for the store, goals for the week, notes for lovers, thank you cards and memos to coworkers. Digital communication is easy and convenient but ask anybody: there’s a huge difference between texting someone to say that you love them and hope they have a great day and writing it on a note and leaving it next to their bed.

2. Savoring time to do nothing. Taking a cue from pre-industrialized society and cultures that enjoy siestas and long, drawn-out, sit-down teas that serve no other purpose than to spend time enjoying the time you have.

3. Thinking before responding. We’ve become too conditioned to require things immediately. Someone asks a question, and we have to respond that second. Such was not the case before instant messaging and comment threads. A sign of true intelligence and confidence, I think, is someone who…

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From, To

I know the title of my post seems really weird/doesn’t make any sense. But it’s something that I saw on Tumblr that I really want to share because it was just like … whoa it made me so damn speechless when I saw it. Bittersweet sad post in just a few mere sentences.

Two months into our relationship you once asked me how much I loved you and I just said “From here”.

You didn’t get it and you got mad and you thought I was just playing around.

 

Breaking up after almost 2 years being together, I sent you a message 6 months later saying “To here.”

 

You still didn’t get it.

)’: It’s such a bitter feeling.

And this is basically what I’ve been doing these few days – Burying my head in books after books, notes after notes, mugging for finals. Honestly don’t except myself to get a good CAP this sem, I’m just hoping for decent grades enough to get me by. And I’ll repent & be a good girl from next sem onwards I promise! Since I somehow earned a reputation of constantly ponning lectures this sem … but some lectures are really a waste of time AND can be self-studied so I don’t see the point in being physically present, especially since there’s webcast as well. Not to mention the long travelling time from home to school, and then back home, that’s so much precious time wasted. Hence, ponning lectures is justifiable (who am I kidding). Next sem, I’ll be a good girl.

Remember my previous post about Avril Lavigne & how I wish that she’d come to SG for a concert? The morning after I wrote that post – my dream came TRUE. 5 Nov 2013, I woke up at approx 10am learning that Avril Lavigne is having her concert 15 Feb 2014 *o* And that the tickets have started selling since 9am (!!) So yes … I finally got my hands on 2 Cat-1 tickets, imagine the pure bliss & excitement that I experienced that morning (‘: 5 Nov 2013 was supposed to be a nostalgic day since it was the 1-month mark since then. But I’m glad this sudden surprise of Avril’s concert tided me through that entire day I was literally all smiles & what-not (:

Avril Lavigne Live in Singapore 2014 – Rawesome Tour

How good does that sound ^^ My tickets arrived in the mail a couple of days ago, keeping them safe because I’ll just kill myself if I lose them. So damn glad for a dream-come-true, just imagine seeing Avril Lavigne in real life, and most importantly getting to listen to her sing live omg I can’t contain my excitement *o* 

Oh yes and JIN made her debut on 8 Nov 2013, her debut song Gone is currently on replay (click on the title to watch the MV!) It’s so nice, the MV was so touching, the ending was so bittersweet :’) Just some background info for those who aren’t familiar, JIN debut as a solo artist for now, but she will officially debut & promote as a member of Woollim’s Girl Group early next year, alongside Baby Soul, Ji Ae, and a few other girls. Both Baby Soul & Ji Ae have made their solo debut, and JIN is the last girl from Woollim’s Girl Group to get to have a solo debut! JIN’s vocals are soooo good (just like Baby Soul) and a plus point is that JIN is so pretty omg. 

See what I mean? Really looking forward to Woollim’s Girl Group debut early next year (coupled with INFINITE’s comeback after their World Tour ends early next year as well). Have some reservations about Woolim’s Girl Group because of certain reasons but … I’ll hold my comments till their debut (: Really hope they won’t disappoint – after all Woolliment doesn’t disappoint, their artistes are awesome this way hee. Love the (translated) lyrics for Gone as well, I’m a sucker for bittersweet songs/lyrics.

In the place where we were together

In those moments where we could have walked together

I’m holding onto myself alone

In this place, even our future, my wishes have stopped

I’m standing here and you are gone

 

I’m sorry for the incoherent post but I’m just really typing whatever that comes to my mind hee.

Snapchat is awesome. Mega love my regular Snapchat buddies who never fail to make my day (several times) with ’em insane Snapchats (‘: Coincidentally, these are the people who keep me going every single day. Those whom I trust in my life, those whom I rely on so so so much for everything & anything. Play hard, work hard. It’ll ultimately be worth it, eventually.

Last thing before I end my post & head back to conquering Linear alg (wish me luck Lab Quiz in a few days ugh matlab … sucks). CLB is allowing overnight study, basically it’s open 24/7, should I should I? I’m the kind who can’t concentrate at home I end up doing useless stuff/ things not related to academics like updating endlessparadigm *coughs*. And studying in central library AND studying at night really makes me waaay more productive. Said this many times before, I’m not a morning/daytime person. My productivity rate shoots up at night as long as I get over the sleepy phase! Considering overnight study, anyone interested to join me?

Finals start in 16 days, PRESS ON. And it’s time to study go go jiayou don’t give up not now not ever (:

x

Hello Heartache

 

Avril Lavigne’s self-titled 5th studio album is finally out (!!!) Okay it was supposed to be officially released on 5 Nov, but it was pre-released in Australia/Germany on 1 Nov, and the album is currently on replay throughout the day.

All the songs are awesome, and I’m not even kidding. Apart from Here’s To Never Growing Up & Rock N Roll which were pre-released as singles earlier this year, my favorite songs from this album are Hello Heartache, Hush Hush, 17, and Give You What You Like. If I really had to list I’d end up listing all the songs whoooops. Linked the songs to youtube, click on the song titles mentioned above to listen to them (: In fact, there are 14 songs in total, and all are unique & special in their own ways. Definitely worth the time, do check the songs out!

Track Listing:

1. Rock N Roll
2. Here’s To Never Growing Up
3. 17
4. Bitchin’ Summer
5. Let Me Go (ft. Chad Kroeger)
6. Give You What You Like
7. Bad Girl (ft. Marilyn Manson)
8. Hello Kitty
9. You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet
10. Sippin’ On Sunshine
11. Hello Heartache
12. Falling Fast
13. Hush Hush
14. How You Remind Me

I love how Avril Lavigne’s involved in producing every single song – self-written lyrics & what-not. It makes her songs so easy to relate to, how sincere she sounds when she sings, how much emotions are poured out into each and every song. It has been slightly more than 2.5 years since her previous album Goodbye Lullaby, but it was more than worth it, to be waiting for her 5th studio album. After all, there’s a reason why I’ve practically grown up dedicating my time listening to Avril’s songs since the primary school days, and that says a lot. She’s not my all-time favorite artiste for nothing (‘: 

Goodbye my friend

Hello heartache

It’s not the end

It’s not the same

Wish it didn’t have to be this way but

You and I will spin the world to make love

Goodbye my friend

Hello Heartache

 

– Avril Lavigne (Hello Heartache)

From her first album Let Go (2002), to Under My Skin (2004), then The Best Damn Thing (2007), followed by Goodbye Lullaby (2011), and finally Avril Lavigne (2013), none of the albums disappointed in any way. Many people were skeptical when The Best Damn Thing came out since she was venturing to a different style, but it didn’t matter at all. The songs turned out so well, and it was still Avril’s style to me. Goodbye Lullaby and Avril Lavigne showed shadows of her original punk princess style – with more slow ballads (coupled with mega meaningful lyrics).

Hey, those days are long gone

And when I hear this song it takes me back

We were at the top of the world

Back when I was your girl

We were living so wild and free

Acting stupid for fun

All we needed was love

That’s the way it’s supposed to be

 

– 17 (Avril Lavigne)

Avril’s starting on her Rawesome Tour in January 2014, the tour stops announced so far are Japan, Thailand, Hong Kong and Indonesia. Guilty that I’ve been her fan since forever and yet haven’t gone for any of her concerts. Went to check, she came to Singapore for all her previous tours – Try To Shut Me Up Tour (2003), Bonez Tour (2005) and The Best Damn Tour (2011). I deeply regret not going for The Best Damn Tour in 2011 … but all that’s left is regret. Hence, I’ve decided that should she come to Singapore for her Rawesome Tour, I will attend it no matter what (should circumstances allow to the best of my ability)! I wouldn’t want to have yet another regret in my life, knowing that this was a choice I could have controlled. Attending at least one Avril Lavigne concert is one of the top item in my bucket list (:

I’m breaking free from these memories

Gotta let it go, just let it go

I’ve said goodbye

Set it all on fire

Gotta let it go, just let it go

 

– Let Me Go (Avril Lavigne ft. Chad Kroeger)

On a sidenote, I think Avril Lavigne is super pretty her features are so distinct & her attitude is just so … unique. And special. And awesome. She’s so talented too, composing songs, powerful vocals, Abbey Dawn (fashion line), and her own perfume fragrance series (: 

Avril Lavigne 2013 Photoshoot HD Wallpaper

I remember playing her songs on the piano, especially Innocence (‘: My all-time favorite song. Can’t wait for holidays to come, time to start sourcing for ’em piano scores again!

With all that said, I’m proud to be a Little Black Star.