But the truth is we never really grow up.
We just masquerade as adults,
because that’s what we’re expected to do.
Really short update because I don’t want to neglect this space just because of the upcoming exams (though I’ll acknowledge the importance of finals). The past few days have been … mugging & mugging, and more mugging. Not that I’m complaining, I’m actually really enjoying what I study now. It’s just the concept of “exams” and “grades” that really irks me, as though we’re forced to study just because we need/want to get good grades. Who says I can’t be reading up about these psych stuff because I’m genuinely interested, exams or not? But then again, society makes everything boil down to performing well in such tests … and hence it’s back to hardcore mugging ultimately for the sake of good grades. Well at least I’m enjoying, I really am. I see true meaning in the things that I’m studying (well maybe one or two mods are an exception), but otherwise all else is good 🙂
‘been listening to 4 songs on replay while mugging (courtesy of sis who let me download the songs into her phone ‘cos my iTunes has … certain issues which forbid me from adding songs currently ugh). These songs are more of the slow/ballad kinds, not upbeat, perfect for mugging 🙂 Not sure if I actually work well with listening to music while mugging but at least it keeps me more focused somehow, while the music I listen to drift into the background. It’s there, but I’m not paying attention to it as much, but at least it’s there. Go figure what the effects are haha, ‘cos honestly I’m not really sure too. Anyway the 4 songs are:
Ride – Lana Del Rey
West Coast – Lana Del Rey
Gods & Monsters – Lana Del Rey
House on a Hill – The Pretty Reckless
So evidently I’m a fan of LDR. West Coast is the first single released from her upcoming album Ultraviolence, the other two are from the Paradise Edition of Born to Die album released some time last year. There’s just something about the songs of LDR and her voice that matches so well & makes you fall deep into, nothing else really matters when you’re listening to her songs, it’s almost finding the peace within. The last song of the list House on a Hill, it was a looong process of how I got to know of this song. First I saw on twitter that Taylor Momsen (acted as Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl series) was quitting acting for good to focus on her music career – which shocked me because I didn’t actually know she was the lead vocals of a band (aka The Pretty Reckless). So I decided to give their album a try, and out of all the songs in their second studio album (released earlier this year), this ballad caught my attention almost immediately 🙂 And gosh I miss watching Gossip Girl, shall rewatch all 6 seasons after finals. And also to finish watching Pretty Little Liars season 4, can’t wait for Season 5 to be out omg *o*
Oh and Avril Lavigne is releasing her Hello Kitty music video in 2 days’ time, so damn excited for it like all the little black stars in my twitter timeline 🙂 And of course patiently waiting for Give You What You Like music video to drop as well. Awesome songs from her latest self-titled album, definitely worth a listen so please do when you can hee.
Alright it’s probably time to get off endlessparadigm, going to prepare some stuff for Char before I’ll commence mugging for the day. It’s tiring but it’ll be worth it – at least that’s what I always tell myself at times like these, don’t know if I’m delusional or psychoing myself into studying haha whoops.
8 more days till the first paper of finals, may these final 8 days of pre-finals mugging be nothing but productive. All the best to everyone who’s handling exams currently, it’ll be over all too soon before you know it, so persevere & it’ll be alright.
So till the next time x
She taught me that dreams come true if you only follow them.
She taught me to help people in need, she taught me to believe in myself.
If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent.
And it never faded, never got stale.
And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked,
and it would be like living the moment all over again.
Realised I haven’t been posting much these days, blame it on the stress from school, blame it from the lack of self-discipline, blame it on the laziness or whatever haha. Decided to post a quick one before I start the day proper, aka mugging/final assignment etc!
Finals are approaching really quickly, ended the final project for the sem yesterday, and just when I thought I was done with assignments as well … one final assignment pops up during lecture ytd & it’s freaking due this Saturday ugh, hopefully I won’t end up screwing it up though I really don’t understand how to approach the assignment at all. Shall spend some time staring at it later in an attempt for some inspiration for what to write haha sigh alright perseverance is the key to success.
Yesterday was the worst day of the year so far, down with stomach flu/food poisoning. Felt really nauseous & ended up vomiting approximately 10 times or so within an hour, while waiting for my mum to fetch me home (in turn causing me to pon a lecture but I guess this is a legit reason). Literally felt like dying, uncomfortable/miserable is an understatement of what I felt yesterday. Kept breaking out into a cold sweat, could barely walk a few steps without feeling like I was going to wobble and fall, really light-headed. Basically one word: Bad. And I don’t ever want to experience that ever again. Thankful for medicine at home, took them and crashed for a few hours, woke up feeling slightly better & managed to keep apple slices down. But felt slightly nauseous again at approximately 10pm, so took med & headed to bed for an insanely early night. With all that said, thankful for the friends who showed concern, feeling waaaay better already 🙂 At least better than the mess I was yesterday haha. Can’t afford to be ill anymore with finals just round the corner, everyone please stay safe & healthy!
Really worried about something although I know I shouldn’t. If it’s meant to be, it will be. And if it isn’t, then it just isn’t. Shouldn’t worry/dwell too much into such thoughts. I guess it’s cos of hope, that’s making me so anxious. Ah well, shall wait out, and see how things unfold from there (: In the meantime I will stop thinking about it.
Beating Heart, the title of this post – the title of a song by Ellie Goulding 🙂 Freaking awesome song that’s really unique, and it’s one of the soundtracks for Divergent (which I have yet to watch omg). Recommended by Adelyn, so before listening to Beating Heart I knew I’ll love the song already. Because since 2007, every song recommended by Adelyn are songs that suit my taste. Beating Heart is really worth a listen, downloaded it & it’s currently on replay mode. Many many songs/albums to check out after finals, can’t wait to go song hunting! And Lana Del Rey’s going to release her album sooon, can’t wait for the first single West Coast to be out. Apparently the style of her upcoming album Ultraviolence will be similar to her previous albums, this is getting me so hyped up already hee.
My motivation for getting through finals is in 83 days’ time. I know it’s too early to countdown but I can’t help because it’s just so exciting + talking to Yumin & Sheryin about it every other day/how we are slowly starting to plan etc is making me look forward to it a lot. Time needs to fly past quickly, as long as finals are over, the freedom will set in omg hee & proper planning will start!
As the exam stress kicks in, everyone tends to get moodier & what-not. And I feel detached from the world & from my friends (prolly cos I reply less frequently idk), although it’s quite a nice feeling to be taking a break from social media/society in general. Slowly pulling away and cooping up in my safe haven, pondering over things that were once neglected due to the fast-paced lives we lead. Despite all that, I feel unspeakably lonely, and I feel drained. Really drained. It is like a blank state of mind and soul that can’t be described as it probably won’t make any difference. It’s like a private feeling I get – that of melting into a perpetual nervous breakdown. I am often questioning myself what I want to do, who I wish to be; which parts of me, exactly, are still functioning properly. And yet no answers, no answers at all.
Till the next time x