Silence

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Here’s to the kids who try their hardest to be good enough for everyone; who spend hours reading random quotes to find the right one; who listen to the same song dozens of times because the lyrics mean a lot; who deserve so much more than they get and are willing to fight for it; and whose wish upon a shooting star was wasted on someone that will never care.

Time check: 4:08 am.

Decided to take a breather from my assignment & just draft up a random post. Slowly trudging through my 1.5k word assignment for Public Health mod, and I have over a thousand words already yay (: But I’m still relatively far from done which probably means I’m going to have to spend time cutting down on words later ugh. Why must word limits be so strict, why are they limiting it to 1.5k words when I have more to say? And by cutting down on my work, it’s going to decrease the extent to which the words encapsulates my thoughts & stuff. But I’m just really glad it’s going to be done soon, considering how it’s due in approximately 14 hours (okay less than that) or so.

Wake Me Up When September Ends is currently playing, how apt a song this is now … so drained (but not sleepy though), can someone wake me up after September ends instead? Wouldn’t it be nice to just get to sleep a little longer than I should, because I can and because I want to. Really love this song, hooked onto it even after so many years. Many lovely songs discovered via Spotify, noted all of them down & really can’t wait to download all of these songs soon (: Recent fave song = Big Girls Cry by Sia, really worth the listen (click on the title haha I added the link already!) I think Sia’s voice is really unique, only heard 3 of her songs (Chandelier + Big Girls Cry + Eye of the Needle), but all 3 really caught my attention so … I’m definitely going to check out more of her songs when I’m more freed up!

The past few weeks have been really stressful with frequent mental breakdowns & what-nots, I’m so sorry to everyone around me who had to witness my … vulnerable episodes. But I’m okay now, & strong enough to deal with all the stress in my life (: So I’m fine, thank you to those who’ve showed concern in one way or another. I might not have expressed my gratitude well, but these little actions really mean a lot to me, more than you can ever imagine (‘: I guess it’s the reasoning of thoughts that helped me clear my mind a little, and to look at the realistic (yet slight positive) side of things. No point excessive worrying about things anyway, not like all the worrying or freaking out will change anything in reality.

Recess week is coming up soon, just one week of school between me & the pseudo freedom yaaaay. Finally won’t need to wake up before 8am every single day for lessons, I can’t begin to emphasize how much I’m NOT a morning person (actually me being awake now kind of shows it right haha). Recess week will be filled with loads & loads of mugging + meetings + meetups, x fingers I will be able to plan my time properly! Can’t wait for study dates during recess week.

In these two days, I genuinely feel as though my life is starting to creep back upwards, back to how it used to be (: I don’t want to lose myself because of all the shit that’s happening, so I’m glad I’m starting to see my old self again. I really miss the daily trolling of people at random times, or just blabbering nonsense to anyone anywhere anytime. Because that’s just who I really am (:

I’ve gained a new perspective recently as well. I don’t exactly think people change, but rather they form new masks that override the previous ones, which then makes it seem like they changed. People are just layers and layers of masks, showing different personas to different people who they meet in their lives. & it’s hard for people to see through these masks, so it makes me feel vulnerable when some can just tear these masks off me so effortlessly hmm.

Love these late night thoughts, although it’s relatively incoherent & rather nonsensical. Kind of sucks that nobody seems to be awake for me to talk to. So this is a random shoutout to all night owls, feel free to text me if you need any chatting buddy on late nights like these! Glad for that short 0.5h chat with my awesome angel just now at 2am, sorry to have kept you awake when you were preparing to head to bed already whoooops.

Many many people around me these days are feeling really down/overwhelmed by every single things in life. Seems as though things are crumbling down for most people … but cheer up, stay strong alright. Things WILL get better. It’s okay to be weak & break down at times, because like what someone told me, crying makes you human. So long you are able to stand up after, you’ll be more than just fine. It’s okay, it’s alright, eventually we will learn how to survive. After all, haven’t we being doing that for the past (insert your age) years of your lives? (: If anyone needs a listening buddy, I’m just a text/call away.

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But miracles take time to happen. They wait for you to feel worthless and then when you’re about to give up, they come knocking at the door and sometimes they come as humans.

I’m counting on this, please don’t disappoint this time alright. Okaaaaay I better continue on my assignment, jiayou shiao!

Till the next time x

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