Sacrifice

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Pencil: I’m sorry.

Eraser: For what? You didn’t do anything wrong.

Pencil: I’m sorry ‘cos you get hurt because of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you’re always thereย to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.

Eraser: That’s true. But I don’t really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I’ll be gone and you’ll replace me with a new one, I’m actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad.

x

Breakable Thread

tumblr_n9yyizA7Uv1r4t22eo1_400 But at some point you have to stop being so angry, you have to stop being so sad, you have to stop killing yourself and start being gentle with yourself. At some point you have to just let it all go and be happy, you have to spread love instead of being afraid of it. You have to love yourself and everyone around you before it’s too late. Don’t waste away being unhappy over trivial things. Don’t do it. Don’t do it to yourself, and don’t let other people do it to you.

More often than not, decisions have to be made; and behind each decision lies a series of thoughts & considerations, no matter its scale. For matters that have massive implications, there’s bound to be pros and cons when arguing from different perspectives. It all boils down to what really matters, and what’s the most important stand that you should be adopting. For one, it’s definitely important to think in the long-term, and not just attempt to fulfil short-term satisfaction & what-nots.

I really need to sort out my priorities in life, and not blindly do everything that I feel obliged to do. And yet at the same time, it’s the responsibilities of the commitment that is the nagging voice at the back of my head. Shall continue to take things in stride, and hope for the best ultimately. For something with so much time & effort invested, I sure hope it will succeed well, and serve its original purpose of helping people in need in the community.

Summer of testing limits & boundaries, please let things go smoothly from now on x

Foolish Games

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The most beautiful thing about life is that it gives you an infinite amount of tests you can retake. If you failed one, there will no doubt be another test that you could do better on. The most important thing to keep in mind, is that you are accumulating your own techniques and getting better as you take each consecutive test. Past mistakes are simply tests you fumbled on; there will always be another one to tackle and do better as long as you live.

Yesterday was a really meaningful day, spent at Paint-A-Home, and subsequently attending S’s surprise birthday party, while ending the day by chilling with Y. It was a mad rush to get home and scape all the paint on me before making sure I was presentable enough for a party LOL.

Saying that the experience was memorable at PAH would be a major understatement. This is the first time volunteering with PAH, and absolutely no regrets, although I feel really bad for having to leave early, and sad that I couldn’t witness the end product of the hard work put in by cannies. For the time I’ve been there, it has been really fun; for we could still play and joke around while getting work done. I guess something so special about volunteering is that it really serves as a platform for bonding together amidst the time we render our services to beneficiaries ๐Ÿ™‚ Had an awesome GL for PAH too, thanks M for letting me paint your entire palm with white paint ๐Ÿ™‚ Many amusing episodes that occurred during PAH, these memories would stay on forever.

S’s surprise 21st party was … so pretty ๐Ÿ™‚ Little Miss Sunshine themed, the deco was simple yet so befitting of the theme, it was just right & I really enjoyed the time; it was a good platform to catch up with my babes whom I dearly miss ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Had so much fun teasing the birthday girl about the present HAHA. ‘It’s from VS, it’s something you can wear, and people shouldn’t see it.’ This is definitely going into the list of many epic moments that occur in our friendship ๐Ÿ™‚ Can’t wait to meet up again soon, when we are all less busy with our commitments & what-nots.

Post-party was spent chilling & chatting with Y, and spending over an hour in a bookshop that had really cute stuff (cheap thrills). Thanks for all the advice and patiently listening to whatever I had to say, while sharing with me about your experiences in volunteering/internship ๐Ÿ™‚ Felt so much better after letting it all out, and even managing to make amusing jokes out of those situations. Some things don’t change and I’m thankful for constants, just like how this friendship has progressed over the years, with bonds continually forged through the sharing of our lives.

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Sometimes as we grow up, we forget the importance of staying true to who you are. Such a simple logic, yet often overlooked. What a pity, isn’t it? To lose yourself bit by bit, while trying to fit in with societal expectations. For that, I appreciate those who tolerate me for who I am, to not judge me when I’m being childish & all, and to embrace things for how they are, without giving a care about what others will think.

True relationships stay gold x

Paradox

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As I’m typing this post, I’m filled with gratitude and thankfulness, for YR Adventure Camp 2015 has officially concluded.

For those who don’t know, in 2014, being the secretary of the AC Committee, I kick-started my first official event in YR. In the blink of an eye, it has been a year since my first involvement & joining of the YR family. Looking back, it’s amazing how much we’ve been through in the past year ๐Ÿ™‚ Shan’t dwell too much into the past year for now, will definitely do up a review post nearing AGM, when we officially handover to our successors hee. Whatever it is, happy first anniversary to me, as a volunteer in YR ๐Ÿ™‚ May there be many more years to come, to let us witness the fruits of our labour prosper into something that will continue to reach out to even more youths, and impact their lives positively.

It hasn’t been easy for the subcommittee to plan the camp. Right from the very beginning, they have met with many obstacles, many issues, many setbacks; but they didn’t give up. Not once did they give up, they persevered, and the end result was nothing but satisfaction & fulfilment – our youths enjoyed themselves tremendously. Sincerely wishing a genuine thank you to everyone who have helped out through the process of planning the camp, be it behind the scenes or as an active participant in the preparations.

A huge thank you to the AC subcomm & volunteers, who have put in so much effort and being really responsible for their own roles in this camp. I’m glad that nothing major happened, albeit certain small hiccups along the way. Bottom line – as long as the youths are happy, I’m contented; and will declare the camp a success. Through this camp, I’ve forged new friendship bonds with my fellow volunteers as well – it’s such a heartwarming feeling to share the same passion, and to spread the spirit of volunteerism to them ๐Ÿ™‚ I might still be lacking in one way or another, but I’m learning, and still trying my best ๐Ÿ™‚

Caught the magnificent sunrise in the morning of day 2 of YR AC, it was so breathtaking and therapeutic to look at. Sometimes when lift gets tough, such little things in life, like admiring the sunrise, or gazing at the stars at night, really serves as a good times to just clear our minds, and focus on the happy things. It helps to guide us, and to not let our emotions overwhelm us in ways that may be detrimental in making decisions.

As the main facil for my tribe, it’s heartening to see how much they have progressed, how they take the initiative and display their leadership skills/qualities. I’m so, so proud of every single youth, for they have contributed to the camp in different ways. I’ve seen them take care of each other, work together to complete tasks, and simply enjoying each other’s company. People around me would know much precious and important our youths mean to me, and they are always my priority when it comes to YR matters. Words can’t encapsulate my feelings, but all I’ll say is, thank you to our dearest youths, for being so open-minded and trying all the activities.

I didn’t think that they would take the Group Flag Makingย seriously – but the flag that they designed really impressed me; it was so beautiful, and my heart swelled in pride, seeing how they were proud of waving the flag and displaying it wherever we went during the camp ๐Ÿ™‚ This, taught them ownership.

Amazing Race was incredibly fun, they were (slightly) competitive, and were initially dejected because we were lagging behind as compared to the other tribe. But they motivated each other, and didn’t give up, all the way to the finish line, and eventually emerged as winners ๐Ÿ™‚ This, taught them perseverance.

It wasn’t the first time they tried Outdoor Cooking, but they took the initiative to prepare the materials, to wash the mess tins after cooking & eating; and looking out for others to ensure that everyone’s welfare was taken care of ๐Ÿ™‚ From coating the base of mess tins with toothpaste, to setting up of the solid fuel on the burning stands, to cooking the food, and cleaning up after themselves, I was so proud that they didn’t need much prompting at all ๐Ÿ™‚ This, taught them responsibility.

Night Trail was shortened, and regrettably the other tribe didn’t manage to try one station. However, despite certain issues that happened, they still embraced the remaining games and challenges, and didn’t choose to pull out or play the blame game or whatsoever. It took a lot of guts to even attempt the Trust Fall station, and even though some didn’t manage to complete it, I’m glad they all at least attempted to try ๐Ÿ™‚ This, taught them courage.

Testing of limits. Participating in Kayaking + Water Raftingย with our youths on the second day was simply amazing, although I’m really sunburnt till it hurts. Playing games while kayaking, really aptly displayed the teamwork within everyone in the camp – I can’t believe we could actually stand up on our kayaks, hand in hand, braving the current, and sing the National Anthem LOL. ‘was literally mad trembling, but holding the hands of my two neighbouring facil/youth really gave me the courage. So proud of everyone for not giving up ๐Ÿ™‚ This, taught them teamwork.

Apart from the aforementioned traits, they have also displayed our primary iCARE values of integrity, compassion, authenticity, respect, and excellence. It really pleases me, for one year ago, when you asked them what does iCARE stand for, their answer would have undoubtedly been “I don’t remember”. But now, they can just recite the 5 values so easily at the tip of their tongue ๐Ÿ™‚ It took a year, but they finally learned, and I’ve seen the 5 values being displayed through their actions in the camp. Our efforts haven’t been in vain ๐Ÿ™‚

Interacting with the youths, talking to each & every one of them, you’d start to realise how unique each of them are. These little things are often overlooked in regular sessions, for they don’t have an opportunity to truly display certain characteristics they have. For that, I’m glad that this camp served as a platform for them to challenge their limits, and develop themselves, while growing and learning to be a better person. I’m so impressed at our youths, and it’s really insightful to hear them talk about their aspirations & dreams ๐Ÿ™‚

For what it’s worth, I’ll continue to befriend them, to help them, guide them, and serve as a mentor for them. As much as I’m helping them, I know they are helping me to be a better person as well.

Thank you, to everyone, who made this experience such a good & memorable one x

Jamais Vu

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Have you ever wondered which hurts the most:
saying something and wishing you had not,
or saying nothing, and wishing you had?

Had a really tiring week, but it was fulfilling at its best. For the first time since being involved in Proj C.A.N., I got to interact with (some of) the beneficiaries ๐Ÿ™‚ It might not seem much to others, but it means a lot to me. Getting to see the people who will benefit from our efforts, to get to talk to them and listen to the short stories they share; to see how grateful they are & glad that we’re visiting them, it makes all ’em hard work worth it. Little talks mean a lot, and it makes me feel so overwhelmed with gratitude, while consciously remembering not to take the things in life for granted. Feeling inspired to continue serving in this, may the passion not fade away ๐Ÿ™‚

Also not forgetting my responsibilities in YR, I’m glad that after months of preparations, our Adventure Camp will turn into reality tomorrow! I’d be lying if I said I was 100% confident that it’ll turn out fine, but I have faith that the subcommittee will make this camp a memorable one (in a good way) for not only our youths, but the volunteers who will be helping out. Pretty excited to meet our youths once again ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve witnessed the subcommittee undergoing changes, testing out games, submitting draft after draft of the proposal, and I’m really proud of them. It’s not an easy feat to plan for a camp, no matter the duration of the camp, for there are so many considerations to take note of, so many little details to be taken care of, in order to make sure the camp is a smooth sailing one. Embracing the spirit of volunteerism, putting our youths as priority; may YR AC 2015 be successful.

The mind is beautiful because of the paradox. It uses itself, to understand itself.

Sometimes in life, it gets hard to discern between things. In many matters, there’s always that thin line separating differences, with the line being threaded over carelessly all too often. Sometimes, things get tough, and you don’t know if all the suffering is worth it. But always remember, happiness is a choice. Yeah, things in life make it difficult, but at the end of the day, you control your own happiness. I don’t want to harbour any hopes, or to even keep my hopes up, for it makes disappointment much harder to deal with.ย Hence, I really hate the moments when I catch myself daydreaming away, thinking about all the “what ifs” and possibilities in life that will never turn into reality. Maybe if I’m lucky, if only.

The sad thing is, nobody ever really knows how much anyone else is hurting.
We could be standing next to somebody who is completely broken and we wouldn’t even know it.

x

This Is Why Iโ€™m Guarded

“I’m guarded because I’ve chosen to be that way.”

Thought Catalog

Flickr / Chiara CremaschiFlickr / Chiara Cremaschi

Thereโ€™s a reason why my walls are built so high, and thereโ€™s a reason it will take you longer than expected to bring them down. Thereโ€™s a reason why Iโ€™m guarded.

Iโ€™m guarded because Iโ€™ve been hurt before. We all have. My weakness is that I carry the pain with me as a constant reminder that it could happen again. And while this is such a cautious way to walk through life, while instead I could be wildly sprinting, the wild sprint has made me fall and trip before, and the scrapes and burns were painful. So painful that it takes a while to try and run that fast again. So I walk, and I walk carefully noticing my surroundings because I worry if I were to ever fall that hard again, I might not be able to get back up.

Iโ€™m guarded because Iโ€™m scaredโ€ฆ

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