Reconciliation

Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken room and illuminating a dark room.

Had my very first social work tutorial of my life today, and it was really inspiring/thought provoking. And this is one of the many stories our professor shared with us, which I feel would be good to document down:

She attended a workshop recently, and in the workshop they showed a picture of someone stepping on broken glass.
“Ouch” must have been your first reaction right? Well, at least it was for me.
And yet she shared that, we need to realise that it’s easier to mend the cuts from broken glass,
than to mend a broken heart.

So true, from different perspectives, to such a large extent. The context for this sharing was regarding abandonment of elderly parents by irresponsible children who choose not to take care of their parents, even though those are the times where they require the most help/assistance, be it physically or emotionally.

Something unique about studying social work as an undergraduate would be how relevant & relatable it is to our current context, where different cases we chance upon all serve as platforms for learning & thinking critically – should you be the social worker in charge of the case, would you have made the same decisions, or would you have ventured a different route of help? Something that makes being a social worker so meaningful is really the fundamentals of the profession – as the Code of Professional Ethics states, “The profession of social work is based upon a belief in the value and dignity of all human beings, and a concern for their social well being.” We aim to serve, to help, and to guide people. And yet, something that makes this profession such a vulnerable one would be the susceptibility to a wide range of emotions, and having to discern what the most informed and wise choice is, which then again varies from situations as well as perspectives, alongside the beliefs of both parties.

Intriguing & fulfilling discussions during tutorials, which really allows for the gaining of exposure and depth into situations/perspectives that we might not have even considered otherwise. It has only been 2.5 weeks as a social work major, but I’m not regretting anything, and I’m enjoying it tremendously 🙂 Even with the insane number of readings, it’ll be worth it; the readings are mostly quite interesting anyway, and I feel that I can truly benefit from them. For the areas that I’m lacking in, I’m hoping to improve in these years as a social work undergraduate, before I start my profession 🙂 Really excited for the future, hope this passion will last hee.

Got the chance to chat with my professor after my tutorial session today (coincidentally met each other again), and she asked about my decision to change my major. It was a brave move, she said. But it’s something that I wouldn’t regret, for there’s no room for regret, and upon finalising the decision back during the summer, it was a personal decision to not look back any longer. Sharing briefly about my experiences in CSC and how I’ve met inspiring social workers, then made me realise how much of a significance CSC has played in my life thus far – despite only being an active member from the summer of 2014.

In this one year, so many things have changed. A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined being elected into the position I’m going to hold officially next Thursday. A year from now, I hope I wouldn’t regret the responsibilities laid upon me alongside this role, and that it’ll be a wonderful journey of self-discovery, while hoping to work well alongside the other members to really create this nurturing environment for CSC 🙂

With elections day 1 concluding on 23 August, and miraculously allowing me to be successfully elected as the VPRP, I’d really hope to express my heartfelt thanks to some people who have played such pivotal & significant roles in the past months.

To the ones who helped me in the decision making of running for this position in the first place, thank you for giving me the courage & encouragement; to allow me to step out of my comfort zone & take action of something that I feel passionate for.

To the ones who helped me review my initial plans/directions & providing constructive criticism/feedback, thank you for all your honesty & different perspectives/inputs which led me to an eventual direction I hope to achieve in my term.

To the ones who supported me throughout the whole course, be it in terms of emotional support and all the well wishes/congratulatory messages after getting elected; or even physically coming down to support me & having to sit through the full 2h of elections, thank you so so much, for I know I wouldn’t have been able to survive without all these support.

To the two whom I’ve been meeting every single day since school started till elections day 1 for meetings after meetings, thank you for going through all these together, and I’m really looking forward to working together in our term, while continuing to have fun & enjoying the company at the same time.

To the one who has been a huge source of inspiration & allowing me to gain new insights, thank you for everything. This position wouldn’t have been made possible for me without you.

This will definitely be documented as one of the craziest wildest decisions I’ve made thus far. But no regrets 🙂

Long day ahead later, still up typing this post at 3.30am, not done with preparations for my tutorials later, but I’m glad the above has been documented and kept safely in endlessparadigm. Time to continue with tutorials, with the songs of Lana Del Rey to accompany me through the night.

Till the next time, and all the best to those running for elections this Sunday (including my sis hee) alright this was such a long & seemingly incoherent post bye x

Here Is How You’re Going To Make Them Miss You

“They were a chapter of your story once but then the novel went on.”

Thought Catalog

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First you’re going to let yourself miss them.

You aren’t going to call them. You aren’t going to beg them. You aren’t going to plead or bargain or negotiate your way into getting back together. You aren’t going to miss them publically or loudly or desperately but you are going to feel it straight through to the core.

You aren’t going to lie to yourself about feeling amazing and fine. You’re going to feel shitty. You’re going to feel lonely. You’re going to curl up in bed with a warm mug of tea and a huge, hollowed-out heart and you’re going to cry for as many nights in a row as it takes. You’re going to keep yourself together on the outside but make no lies to yourself on the inside. You are hurting. You are reeling. You are going through a thing and that’s okay. You aren’t going…

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Lucky

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This letter is to you.

The you that’s had a rough week. The you that seems to be under constant storm clouds. The you that feels invisible. The you that doesn’t know how much longer you can hold on. The you that has lost faith. The you that always blames yourself for everything that goes wrong. To you.

You are incredible. You make this world a little bit more wonderful. You have so much potential and so many things left to do. You have time. Better things are coming your way, so please hang in there. You can do it.

:’) x

Summer

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Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you’re unlike any other?
You’ll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don’t wanna ever love another
You’ll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

And this post shall mark the last official day of the (non-existent) summer break, and tomorrow it shall be a fresh start as a Y3 undergraduate … as a Social Work major. Pretty excited for the modules this semester after browsing through the course outlines etc, may it have been a wise decision to take the leap. It’s not going to be an easy transition, especially since it’ll be the first time I’ll be taking 4 core modules (not to mention the fact that I’ve never taken any Social Work modules before). But it shall be a meaningful, enriching & fulfilling journey 🙂 At least my new course of study will complement my experiences as a volunteer in CSC, hopefully it’ll value-add & allow me to achieve deeper insights into the volunteering sphere.

Watched NUS Rag with A on 7 August, thanks for accompanying me to the event! First time watching The Sam Willows/Gentlebones live, amazing performances. The highlight (and main reason why I attended Rag) was for … Christina Grimmie! I remember watching her covers on youtube many years ago, and got utterly hooked & wowed by her talent! Then she went on to join The Voice, and was in Team Adam Levine, yet another of my celebrity crush HAHA *ultimate fangirl mode on*. Although she mostly performed her original songs during Rag which I haven’t been following, it was a love-at-first-hearing for Liar Liar – Christina Grimmie! The lyrics for Liar Liar are super nice, forever a sucker for such lyrics haha #teamgrimmie forever yaaaaay.

Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That’s its balance.

It’s not going to be a smooth-sailing semester ahead, but I’ll survive. Guilty of missing lectures frequently in the past two years, trying to make it a point to not miss lectures (to the best of my abilities), and actually pay attention during lectures instead of using my phone all the time whoops. Going for most lectures alone so … self-discipline! Time to start being productive again, and make each minute spent worthwhile. Really upset that S & Y are gonna be flying off for exchange super soooon, y’all will be dearly missed ): Not looking forward to having to send you guys off this weekend sigh can time pause, just for a while?

So excited to meet my youths tomorrow again hee. Last week’s session was a really good one with good attendance (11 youths hee). Please let the attendance rate be regular & consistently high! Last week’s topic was on Respect, to treat each other with a sincere heart & dignity. Had interesting conversations/discussions with our youths, it’s really heartening to witness them being serious & all during sharing sessions & not just taking them lightly. Learnt so much about & from them, hopefully they have great takeaways, as I’ve always had through all these interactions 🙂 Played a new board game called DixIt with our youths as well, hope to play it again tomorrow because it’s really, really fun hee.

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I don’t want to have to be the one who misses everything when everyone else has clearly forgotten. It’s mortifying. It’s mortifying to be the one who remembers. So I guess, it’s time for some closure. And I really hate being put in dilemmas, where my heart & mind clearly has different stands.

Soulmate, or not? x

Courage

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Do you know what I mean when I say that sometimes I don’t have any feelings or emotions? I’m not in a good mood, or a bad mood. I just sit there, by myself, and think. I overthink sometimes. I think about what has happened, what will happen, and what could have happened. I think about you, I think about what’s wrong in my life, I think about how I can get myself out of this stage, I think about why I got here in the first place. I think about everything & anything.

Too many of us are not living our dreams, because we are living our fears. x