Jaded

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Time will pass; these moods will pass; and I will, eventually, be myself again.

Constantly in the struggles of wanting to confide in my friends, yet feeling apologetic for having to burden them with my issues. Thank you to the ones who spent time making sure that I’m okay, for listening to my worries and for being present to reassure me 🙂 To the ones who’ve been staying up all night for me, I’m genuinely touched & grateful, thanks for being so selfless even though I just keep going on & on about the same problems. It hasn’t been an easy semester, there are still many things in life that I’m learning to come to terms with, and it doesn’t help that more insecurities are surfacing along the way. For one, I’ll need to start being a better friend.

Not sure if they are considered irrational beliefs, or perhaps it’s a heightened level of self-awareness that’s the root of all these frustrations. That’s the thing about being a Social Work student I feel, we are trained to increase our level of self-awareness, to start identifying our personal irrational beliefs, to be clear of our stands/values & what-nots, and to rationalise the emotions we’re facing. Ignorance is a bliss at times, but sadly, ignorance is something we can’t afford in this helping profession.

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not regretting this journey – it has been one filled with fun & laughter, and every lesson serves as a learning experience that offers new perspectives & to gain new insights 🙂 May I truly be able to find the style of helping that suits me soon. Love exchanging thoughts & perspectives with other Social Work students, the culture in this major is so, so welcoming, even for someone so afraid of social interactions like me.

There are things that are learnt the hard way, and someone told me this recently: Be willing to go alone sometimes. You don’t need permission from anyone to grow. Not everyone who started with you will finish with you. And that’s okay. So apt, too apt.

4 more submissions + 2 more presentations to go before the end of the semester. Please let me survive ugh. Then summer will arrive and bring about a new & different kind of crazy altogether x

P.S. latest song addiction – 7 Years by Lukas Graham *o*

Soon there will be nothing left of us except for the words and the memories that bounce around inside our hearts and our lungs, nothing except the ghost of each other’s eyes and staying up talking about what will become of our lives, but neither of us could have expected it to end like this.

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