Wonderland

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You have to get hurt. That’s how you learn. The strongest people out there, the ones who laugh the hardest with a genuine smile, those are the people who have fought the toughest battles. Because they’ve decided that they’re not going to let anything hold them down, they’re showing the world who’s the boss.

The past 2.5 weeks have been incredibly fulfilling, but extremely emotionally draining. The past 2.5 weeks have exposed me to some of the nastier, sadder, depressing sides of humanity that I’ve cautiously/rarely/never treaded upon. Values/Perceptions that I never realised I had starts surfacing, and more often than not, upsetting/emotional situations get to me each time. To learn to empathise as a professional, yet not delve too deep & be affected personally really takes a lot of skill, and I’m hoping, that someday, I’ll be able to attain that.

It gets even tougher juggling both placement & CSC ……. some days I get so tired I just want to shut away from the world & recover from the fatigue. I’m doubting my abilities to handle both aspects at once, and with every single day, the doubt grows even more.

Disappointed. At certain happenings, and also my reactions/ways of handling certain things hmm. I need to grow, both professionally and personally.

Confused. About something that I need to figure out pretty soon, else it be unfair to others/myself.

Drained. Because maybe, I just don’t have the capacity nor the capabilities that I tried deluding myself into thinking I had.

The past 2.5 weeks hasn’t been easy, the remaining 7.5 weeks will be worse, I don’t know anymore.

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