Paracosm

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Yes, terrible things happen.
But sometimes these terrible things are the ones that save you.

Currently in the midst of my final finals in NUS whoop whoop. Figured, and proved once again that I’m not one for memorisation nor preparing for examinations; I prefer studying without the stress or expectations tagged along with it hmm. But nevertheless, 25% done with finals, left with 3 papers and I’m out of NUS (finally).

Going to start my second social work placement a week earlier than expected, so so excited for what’s to come, may it be a fulfilling & meaningful placement ahead. And hopefully, by the end of my second (& final) placement as a Social Work undergraduate, I’ll be clearer of what I want in the future.

‘ve also been listening & revisiting a lot of songs from the past, and today happens to be a day of Damien Rice songs 🙂 So, so soothing. I’m falling in love with his voice & songs all over again heh. Vocals like these bring about a sense of euphoria that is just, so, amazing.

Amidst all the stress & (attempts of) studying, I’ve had many random & spontaneous conversations along the way. And I’ve been reading a lot more non-acad stuff (literally zero self discipline ohboy), but it felt nice. I enjoy them, all of these little things. However, these days I’ve caught my mind drifting to unhappy thoughts/regrets of the past that I clearly haven’t gotten over yet …….. kind of have a plan of what to do but, we shall see how it goes.

Aaaaaaand, I was stalking myself (ha ha) & rereading all my past posts of endlessparadigm, I didn’t realise how … void they were of happy emotions. “I’m tired” probably appeared in my posts >50% of the time in the past two years (esp the past year), and I was just thinking about the commitments & how much they stressed me out, it still scares me thinking back wondering how I managed to get through those days??? When I think back of those days, I can still feel the stress & depressive feelings emerging from within … this is scary. Really, really scary. And I think I’ve been hurt so much & stressed so badly till it has left a permanent emotional scar on me. & I’m still learning to heal. But I still don’t regret ’em all haha. It was worth it, and it still is.

One day, you and I will pass each other on the street without a single thought. You will blend into the mass of humans, and I will disappear into the crowds. We might lock eyes once in awhile, but this time, that eye contact will mean nothing.

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