Chained

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Overthinking is the biggest misery because of our unhappiness, so keep yourself occupied. Keep your mind off things that don’t help you. Think positive. Focus on the good, only the good. And remember to take risks because if you win you will be happy and if you lose you will be wise.

Spent the weeks since end of placement catching up with friends, both the current & the old. Glad to have reconnected with some that I temporarily drifted from, never would trade these friendships for anything else in the world. Afraid of what moving into the next phase of life would mean.

Excited for what the future entails, wondering if it was a right choice. Adulting anxiety perhaps? What if I’m not good enough for it, what if I’m not cut out for it? “If you can’t do good, then at the very least, do no harm” // “but how can I expect my patients to trust me, if I don’t even trust myself?” Kind of don’t really dare to talk to people about all these anxieties in fear that they get downplayed or brushed off, and also the fact that I’m lucky enough to secure employment. Maybe I’m just really thinking too much. Who’d understand? But with all that said, I’m still hopeful for a career filled with meaning, insights & challenges.

Old wounds reopened, knew the period of calmness was a facade. Learning to deal with things more maturely, may I emerge from this experience as someone both happier and wiser than before. Had the worst sleep ever & practically semi-conscious the entire night my mind needs to stop with all these unhealthy unhelpful thoughts…? Maybe I just need more time.

Conflicted & burdened. May there be clarity soon, amidst all these uncertainties. Life works in funny & unpredictable ways sometimes, doesn’t it?

Learning to count my blessings.

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