Attempts

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One day you’ll find someone that chooses you and continues to choose you everyday. And that’s when you’ll be thankful everything happened the way that it did.

Had to return back to work yesterday, and the day started with high levels of anxiety again. The session wasn’t all too bad, but it was so stressful & thinking about the subsequent follow up actions required triggers my anxiety all over again. Thankful for such a supportive supervisor who called immediately after it ended, and for supportive friends who have been there throughout this journey with me.

Posted a question via instastory yesterday: “When was the last time you truly felt happy?” Among others, one that struck me was “A long time ago” because hey, our answers seem to be the same. While posting the question, I acknowledged there has been happiness periodically throughout, but when was I truly happy? What does it even entail, being truly happy?

& yet, I think I found my answer last evening/night. Last night was a night of healing, and it was therapeutic. I’m so so blessed to have met two souls so beautifully complex and fragile, and yet so strong at the same time. Opened up about things I don’t normally talk about, and it felt liberating getting things off my chest. All those years of struggling alone, who would have known of the pain & torture? I never wanted the night to end, there was calmness in staring at the river while sitting on the steps along Clarke Quay late at night, and on hindsight, I could say, I was truly happy last night.

Not sure if I’m ready to face another week ahead, but hello again anxiety, my old friend. Perhaps it’s time to leave, or maybe not?

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To the people who see beyond masks, we are all beautifully broken in our own ways.

What we know of other people is only our memory of the moments during which we knew them. And they have changed since then.

And with this quote, I shall end this post with the hope for a long-awaited clarity/closure this coming week.

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