Time

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On days when you feel the storm in you rages more than it normally does, than it should be, I hope you remember that the biggest star is on its way to you. The Sun with the warmest love, will soon shine upon you.

The past few weeks have been about transitions.

Bade farewell to my surgical family late last month, and officially transitioned into the Hope team on 27 May. Pretty surreal that this change happened, but glad for this opportunity nevertheless. It was admittedly a shock, and I was overwhelmed by the change due to the tight timeline I had to complete my transition. Part one of transition is more or less completed, may part two be a smooth one too. Still not sure if I have what it takes to be a competent worker, but life is all about challenges right? May I continue learning, growing & gain new insights in this new journey ahead.

Started my third year as a social worker in the medical setting earlier this week on 5 June. It’s amazing how quickly time goes by, and I’m shocked at how I managed to survive the past 2 years. It hasn’t been easy and the number of times I broke down…. countless haha. I’ve always said that if possible, I’d like to stay in the medical setting for a long time. But if you asked me the question half a year ago, my answer may have been “I don’t know (how long more I can sustain)”. My faith was tested, I questioned my beliefs, my abilities, and the goodness of fit. I wasn’t in a good place back then. Not saying that things are smooth sailing now, but if you were to ask me that question again, my answer may still be an “I don’t know”, but this time, filled with a little more hope and positivity amidst the uncertainty and insecurities.

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Reconnected with an old friend recently and all I can say is… may second chances exist. This whole episode actually made me think a lot, about the past and how decisions of the past truly shape the outcomes we face in the future/present times. I normally don’t regret my actions/decisions from the past but pertaining to this, truthfully I admit – I regret, a lot. Would there ever be a chance to make amendments? If I could turn back time, I would return back to the version of me then and give myself the courage, instead of choosing the easier way out – avoidance. I’m sorry to the present me, to have to suffer the consequences of the cowardly me in the past, may there be a chance to make it right this time.

‘was on medical leave for the first time this year… it was difficult accepting the medical leave but I was not in the right state to work. Never had fever go up so high before and coupled with the migraine, I had no choice but to give this body a rest. Being on medical leave is awful, especially knowing that the team could really use the support instead of the extra burden at this point in time. With 3.5 days of rest while being homebound, I’m glad to be heading back to work again tomorrow.

Thank you to the ones who have stood patiently by me, for holding space and being understanding, during the times when I couldn’t love myself.

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I may not be have the time nor energy to be a fangirl anymore, and I admit I am not up to date with whatever individual schedules each of the members are up to, but my loyalty remains and hence, today being 9 June 2019,

#9YearswithINFINITE #인피니트_9주년_아직도_난_너뿐이야

Thank you Infinite, I’ll always be an Inspirit

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