Us

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The problem with people like me is that we care too much. We break our hearts into pieces and give them away, until they are all gone. And we try to live with the broken hearts and broken souls we are left with.

We sacrifice our own happiness to make others smile. But in the process we lose ourselves.  We extinguish the sparks in our eyes and the fire in our bellies in order to fuel the dreams of others. We are the people who laugh at the end of every sentence and place a smiley face at the end of every text, to make sure our friends don’t think we are mad when we say “I need to go.” we are the people with loud thoughts and quiet voices, refusing to speak our minds at the fear of hurting another’s feelings.

We are the people who would give our own life to save a stranger.

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Honesty

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Self-confidence, I’m realizing, is a lot deeper than just thinking I’m beautiful and being free in who I am. It also includes being confident in my decisions and trusting myself to be committed to the things I want to do. To step outside of my comfort zone and assure myself that I will be okay in doing so. This kind of self-confidence will help me see the success I want to see.

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Transition from being a student to being a full-time working adult was . . . odd. But it has been an interesting ride thus far, and to say the very least I’m (thankfully) enjoying the process as a whole. Definitely more responsibilities, and the need to be independent is a lot more prominent than ever before.

As much as I’m trying my best to be conscious about certain things, thinking back about the past week, I realised instances where I was unintentionally & unknowingly viewing circumstances of others through my personal lens. I need to be more mindful, and to not let my inexperience get in the way of the assistance/help I can offer as a worker to my patients hmm.

3 weeks into the job and I can safely say that I really, really love what I’m doing even though it might get so fast paced/exhausting/tiring at times. Started to OT already but I blame it on nothing but my lack of efficiency and that I’m still trying to get used to things. Hopefully I’ll get more productive in the coming weeks & shorten the time needed whoopiewhoooop! Feeling incredibly blessed to have such supportive & nice colleagues too 🙂 I think the work environment is so important/crucial in ensuring survival in this industry as a whole haha.

Engaged in random splurges of clothes, makeup, books in the past week…….. shame on you when you lack that discipline but still preach to your patients about the importance of self-control lol. Must be the stress haha, but taking this long weekend as a form of respite before the craziness hits again when Tuesday comes.

Being a social worker is really a life-long learning process, and I’m so thankful for all the support as I trudge through this journey, both with fellow social workers & the clients/patients I work with 🙂 Feeling so blessed!

Slowly, but surely :’) These 6 months wouldn’t be easy, but I know it’ll be more than worth it.

Bumper Cars

You and me, we’re bumper cars
The more I try to get to you
The more we crash apart, no
Round and round we chase the sparks
But all that seems to lead to
Is a pile of broken parts

Really should be heading to bed soon/now but I can’t stop listening to this song on repeat. Old song, latest discovery, new favourite song/addiction :’)

P.S. excited to embark on a new chapter in life, starting tomorrow whoopee may it be filled with meaning aaaaand may I not screw up at this whole adulting thing ohboy.

Despacito

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Be patient with all things, but especially with yourself.

Spent my morning clearing my unread chats on both whatsapp & telegram, accumulated from as long as 3 years ago…….. it felt weird? A good kind of weird, took some trips down memory lane, brought back many memories filled with nostalgia.

Looking back at my life in the past few years, I’m mostly glad about how things panned out eventually, and proud that I’m still standing even after all the setbacks & times where I truly felt like I wouldn’t have made it out alive haha.

These two weeks present new challenges for me – termination with youths & elderly whom I have been befriending for a long time, and subsequently transiting into the workforce as a full-time working adult hmm.

And … had my final farewells to the youths during adventure camp in the past weekend. It’s no easy feat saying goodbye to youths you’ve watched grow & mature over the past three years, and how these usually cheeky & naughty youths actually expressed their true feelings of sadness over the departure of the graduates from YR.

Glad that through this final camp, I got to know a youth a lot better through our conversation after Night Maze 🙂 Talked about things that ranged from the simple ‘what are you studying now?’, to things more personal & hit closer to home. My youth asked me ‘what do you hate most about yourself?’, and I threw the question back to him (after answering), and what spiralled from there was a whole conversation about social norms, hopes for the future, our personal values & beliefs etc.

For these youths are the very ones who’ll change the world with their perspectives in the future, these youths are the ones we should be looking out for & these youths should be the ones protected from all the discrimination or pre-conceived judgements by ignorant others out there in society. These youths have so, so much to offer, if only one would slow down & trudge alongside them in their journey. Thank you for all the lessons taught, thank you for all the memories in the past three years, I’ll never forget them :’)

With tears of sadness, nostalgia, unwillingness, and yet those very same tears that are filled with hope & thankfulness, bade my youths goodbye & beautifully concluded my journey with YR as an undergraduate.

It’s just goodnight & not goodbye, but thank you for making this goodnight so hard, for it shows how much this means to me ❤

Time Walking On Memory

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Beautiful things grow to a certain height and then they fall and fade off, breathing out memories as they decay.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald

Spent the past two weeks at various parts of Korea (Busan, Jeonju & Seoul) grad trippin’ & healing in general before embarking on a new phase in life really soon. Glad to have caught this beautiful sunrise at Songdo Beach (Busan),  wouldn’t have traded this view for any other. For sunrise signifies hope & a brand new beginning, while sunsets bring about comfort & a quiet understanding of what went through in a day’s worth of events. Quite a bummer that we didn’t manage to catch sunset at Gwangalli Beach this trip, but it’ll be a permanent agenda on my to-do list every trip I go to 🙂

It was a trip of self discovery, therapeutic healing, and letting myself loose to just enjoy every moment that’ll be cherished & looked back upon fondly in the years to come 🙂 Many experiences & occurrences during this trip that are a tad too personal but at least these are the memories that’ll live on. Tried documenting significant things down but realised that what mattered the most weren’t the attractions visited nor the food consumed (yum though), but it was really the little moments & happenings that meant the most.

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Exposure to the sea at different locations (especially in Busan) made me realise how much I actually love the sea?!?!! It’s so ….. calming to watch the waves crash into the rocks & slowly recede back gently, and the cycle repeats again & again. All these accompanied by the sea breeze that might have been too strong at times but still welcomed nevertheless whoopie.

We watched people skipping stones across the water & it looked like so much fun 🙂 These little enjoyments in life really warms my heart, bringing back the youthful times and being carefree in those moments.

And talking about stones……..

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Legend has it that if you make a wish & successfully stack a stone above another in a pile like this, your wish will come true. Still can’t decide if I’m a superstitious person but no harm trying right? For what it’s worth, I sincerely hope that if this legend were true, my wish would be granted too 🙂

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Spent our last proper night in Korea enjoying a late-night chimaek (chicken + beer) picnic at Hangang Park. Low quality photo but high quality time spent that night, feeling really reluctant & unwilling to head back home the next day. Attempted to stargaze but there weren’t many stars, but laying on the picnic mats & just staring up at the sky made everything feel so perfect ahh. Definitely one of the best ways to spend our last night even though I was freEeeZing like cray.

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Wouldn’t have had so much fun without these two travel buddies, thank you for being so tolerant of my behaviour & what-nots, hope y’all had as much fun as I did 🙂 Of late nights & conversations & insane hiking/walking together, the past two weeks have been so so memorable (in all the right & wrong ways), but every moment was definitely worth it.

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There’s just so so so much more to post about but these shall suffice for now. Glad to be home, till the next time we meet again Korea 🙂 I’ll definitely be back.