2013 in words.

“In January I adopted the motto “I am gonna make it through this year even if it kills me” and I would just like to applaud 2013 for trying its damnedest.” 

Time is ticking, Happy New Year’s Eve to everyone! I’ll be lying if I said 2013 has been a good one, because despite all the happy & gratifying moments I’ve experienced, 2013 was generally hell of a year I’ve experienced. Comparing the me in Jan 2013 and the me in Dec 2013, undoubtedly I’ve changed quite a bit. Morphing into someone with changes in terms of personality & perspectives on things like friendship and other things. Sidenote, this is going to be a really general post!

This year I felt a lot

This year I laughed a lot

This year I met new people

This year I left old people

This year I loved a lot

And I cried a lot this year

And I experienced a lot this year

And I changed a lot this year

And that change is the most valuable thing

2013. The year where I first stepped into the (somewhat) real working industry, by working as a temp admin assistant @ MND-BCA. Waking up early to take the train to work was insane, considering how we had to squeeeeze with the working crowd and survive the train ride all the way to Tanjong Pagar oh my gosh. Approximately 1h15min to get to work every morning, then working the typical 8.30am-6pm kind of life. It has been a good exposure, and it made me realize how important it was to find a job in the future that I am truly passionate about, such that I will be willing to wake up early every morning & look forward to going to work LOL. But with all that said, so thankful for PDMD to have taken care of me so well despite being just a temp admin there (: And for always chatting with me & checking to see if I was too bored at work. It’s the people who make such things much more enjoyable, and my first working experience for approx 5 months or so, ended on a really good note (:

After working the standard office life, I have gotten myself another responsibility. Currently a tuition teacher, teaching math & chinese hee (: It’s a huuuge responsibility imo, these kids have pinned their hopes on me to help them improve in time for PSLE in 2014. Thankful to have seen how my tutee has progressed so much and the big improvements in their results, it makes me feel so heartened, and a reassurance that hey, I’m actually really able to help them! Aiming for nothing but an A* for both math & chinese in PSLE, because I have that much faith in my tutee. Teaching is really such a joy (‘:

2013 is a defining year. It defined who, or rather it has subtly guided me into making decision of my future path – by finalizing my uni/major choice. I remember how unsure/skeptical I was of what I want to apply for upon receiving my A’s results on 1 March 2013. I’m going to say for sure, now, that I know I haven’t chosen the wrong major (: I’m contented to be in NUS FASS, albeit it wasn’t my initial choice (or rather I was torn between this & another choice that … doesn’t serve any significance anymore). With this, I remember the few months where I was literally freaking out over potential offer/call for intv for my other choice, and all the friends who have been there to encourage me with all that insane worrying going on. Maybe I’m not destined for that path, yeah sometimes thinking back I really wonder why I didn’t get any news since the cut off grade was waaaaaaaay lower than the cut off grade for NUS FASS hmm. But it’s fine (: Because being in NUS, being in FASS, has gained me exposure to a whole new level of excitement and experience.

With that said, my first semester as a university student has officially ended! It started off really well, with arts oweek 2013, ConspirARTSy’13! Happy to belong to A4 Aiumph, possibly one of the best OGs I’ll ever be in. Memorable (in a good way) start, happy to have made new friends, considering how socially awkward I am with strangers. Results aren’t up to expectations, so it’s a promise to myself to work harder from next sem onwards. For one, I’ll need to make sure that I diligently attend all lectures & tutorials (and actually pay attention, or at least attempt to). Kind of looking forward to school starting, but at the same time I still wanna enjoy my holidays, ah wellllllll.

Among all these new experiences/life-changing decisions in my life, I am thankful that old friendships are still going on strong! Don’t want to mention names here, but those who matter so much to me will know/feel it (: And perhaps receive a personalized message when the clock strikes midnight tonight hee. Haven’t decided if I’ll be hardworking enough to do that buuuuut, I’ll try my best. Really thankful for people who keep me sane through tough times, friends who make me feel the love & feel so touched, friends who are there for me because they are willing to. There’s a saying where friendships that last 7 years will last for a lifetime. But no, I don’t believe in that. Because I have friendships that haven’t lasted for 7 years but I am more than sure that they would be friendships for a lifetime (‘: So thank you to all these friends out there!

Last but not least, this marks the first year (and a few days) where I have been an Inspirit! Never in my life would I have imagined being whirled into this whole kpop saga, but I’m not regretting anything. I’m thankful to be an Inspirit, for Infinite! It’s amazing how I’ve been exposed to so many kpop groups by my sis for the past few years and none caught my eyes/heart, and it’s even more amazing for how I actually became an Inspirit, just from one reality programme that I watched for an hour because the sis was watching. Maybe this is really Destiny (‘: And thank you to my dearest Inspirit family for fuelling my fangirl heart + having someone to spazz with all the time! Apart from being an Inspirit, I’m a part time Babyz. So as of 2013 I am glad to have been to the concert of both my bias groups (with Infinite as the main of course). 8 Aug 2013 for BAP concert, and 5 Oct 2013 for Infinite concert. I’ve seen my two bias groups in real life how fortunate *o*

But being sensible, I know that fangirling has taken up a lot of my time and effort. From now on, studies will be of priority! I’m not saying that I’ll stop being a fangirl because I know that is technically impossible, but I’ll dedicate more time studying, and making sure that I don’t compromise anything just because of kpop, because it really isn’t worth it as much as it has brought me a lot of fun & happiness in my life this year. I’ll learn to be more sensible from now on, always prioritise (:

In 2013, I had experienced a fair share of tears laughter happiness sadness, all emotions possible. Didn’t think that I would have survived it but hey looking back, I did it. Everyone did it. If you’re reading this, you did it as well, so give yourself a pat on the back. One of my new life motto is to always be optimistic. If you can’t change things, try looking at them from a different perspective, make yourself happier (: Bad or good, life still goes on. Used to post new year resolutions on my blog but as I grow older, these things get more personal so nope, no more posting ’em here.

In 2014, I hope that everyone around me will be happier. Happy with their grades, happy with their relationships, happy with their lives. Sincerely hoping that I’ll make 2014 a good one, and a meaningful one. No more procrastination, no more lack of priorities, no more regrets. I’m going to plant cherry tomatoes on 1 Jan ’14, the most hilarious yet meaningful birthday present I’ve got this year from my two best FASS seniors/friends/inspirits! (Maybe I’ll post about all the birthday surprises etc that I’ve gotten some time soon) Can’t wait to plant my cherry tomatoes, hopefully they will grow well! Life will get better eventually, it always will. Cherry tomatoes, may we both grow well together & experience the upcoming happy days in 2014!

New year, new book, new resolutions, may it be a good year ahead! (: This will be the last post of 2013! May endlessparadigm see happier posts in the new year ahead. Goodbye 2013, thank you for being in my life, but it’s time for you to go. Because 2014 is coming in 10 hours’ time.

2014, bring it on. I’m ready for you.

The Getaway

There have been regrets & things that I wish I didn’t do or those that I wish I had the courage to do. But that’s all in the past, and nobody has the power to turn the clock back in time.

With half of 2013 going by just like that, it hasn’t exactly been the best that I could imagine. May the second half of 2013 be better, maybe things will stop screwing up as badly as it might seem to.

Whatever it is, I’m pretty much looking forward to uni life (although the thought of being in a new environment scares me). May friendships continue to stay strong, and that I’ll meet worthy friends in uni that will last for a lifetime (:

Many thoughts going through my head, or rather opinions. Keeping them to myself (for now), don’t push me any further because I assure you, that a mega pissed off me isn’t exactly something you’d want to see -.-

Enough of ’em angst & issues …

On a happier note! BAP’s first new track title of three in their upcoming mini album – Coffee Shop. Really love the entire feel of it, so soothing & it’s definitely an apt song to plug into while having some me time (:

Sistar’s non track title – Crying. LOVE IT x1000 (: It’s a song I knew I had to download when I first heard it, and the lyrics are just so *o* I don’t even know how to express my thoughts but the song is just too good – especially Hyorin’s part it’s so captivating she’s just damn talented really.

Last but definitely not the least … INFINITE. Blockbuster level comeback, with Destiny which will be released on 16 July (: So excited to listen to the full song, the teaser has pretty much killed every Inspirit out there. Sounds really promising, and I’m guessing the lyrics will be WOWOWOW too hee (:

’cause you’re my destiny

Alright enough of Kpop stuff LOL.

Adelyn introduced a song to me recently, and I’m hooked onto it (: The Man Who Never Lied by Maroon 5, such an awesome song hee. So thankful for Adelyn’s taste in songs, recalling waaaay back from sec 1, I’ve practically LOVED all the song recommendations that she gave me. The Man Who Never Lied is really worth a listen, go check it out if you have time (I’m guessing you people out there have the time to do so since you’re actually reading this lame incoherent post LOL)

Anyway, I’m really excited for my upcoming Taiwan trip (: Although that means I’d prolly not be able to update from 6 July to 13 July (I’ll be back on 14 July) hmm |: As the title of this post – The Getaway. Yeah I could really use a getaway right now, to just chillax & enjoy myself, and away from Singapore for a while. To sort everything out I guess, and of course retail therapy hee (:

Shall end this post here & go prepare for tuition later, can’t wait to see my tutee!

jiejahlifejourney: true Easier say than done

x till then

Before the dawn

Because whatever that’s said above is probably what’s getting me through these few days. I’ll just take it as a form of deterrence, something that’s like an obstacle I’m bound to face no matter what. If it’s something I’m meant to do, I know eventually, somehow, I will end up in that direction again.

I’m warning you, if you’re expecting some happy fluffy exciting post about how awesome my life is, then I suggest you just exit endlessparadigm now. Whatever’s coming up ain’t gonna be as pretty as you expect it to be.

I’d be lying if I say I’m fine. In fact I am far from being alright, it’s just that I don’t see a reason in expressing those negative feelings in front of others anymore. Not like it will help me feel better right? It just makes me feel so pathetic, somehow. Ugh whatever, it’s something I’ll learn to live with, albeit it really hurting (and while we’re still at it, it hurts a lot okay) -.-

So just … yeah. And it doesn’t help when some senseless people person chooses to ruin my already ruined mood the day after everything was finalised -.- It took 10000% of determination not to just reply in the form of snapping back, or simply just ” _|_ “. Hey I was nice enough to entertain your lame requests, so please learn that everything has a limit. Including my patience AND tolerance for such childish/selfish words.

I’m sorry that all my posts these days have been of nothing but angst, there’s just a lot going on right now and if I don’t vent them out on this platform I swear I’ll just go crazy someday ugh -__- Today’s the last day of June, I’m sincerely hoping that the second half of 2013 will be infinite times better than the first half.

To everyone out there having a bad day/time/mood, cheer up (: I know it’s easier said than done. But always tell yourself, you’re ultimately the only one you can rely on. If you don’t help yourself get better, then who will? Everyone comes and goes off at some point in time, as harsh as that reality may seem. In the end, you’re left to fend for yourself.

I hate acting fine, it makes me feel even worse on the inside ): Nobody will ever understand how I feel okay. But I’ll get better, I’ll get stronger, and I won’t let anything tear me down no more.

Nothing ever happens like you imagine it will.

And I learnt that the hard way.