Freedom

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Well you need to be content with small steps. That’s all life is. Small steps that you take every day so when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some distance. It took me a long time to accept that, but it’s true. You need to have patience.

The first of three Friday the 13th in 2015 was well spent, catching up with my favorite girls at our usual hangout place. I guess as we all grow up together, things change and different life experiences/encounters morph us into who are are supposed to be. Yet we still complement each other, able to chat like there’s no tomorrow, while sharing ridiculous happenings. Such memories will never fade, for I’m sure they will be held close and dear to our hearts, even as we grow up and continue to lead diverging lives. Every meetup is like a new beginning, never an ending nor the closure of a chapter in our lives. Pretty interested to know what’s in store for all of us! And more than thankful for the fact that there are true friends whom I can fall back on when I am upset or when my insecurities act up. To sum up, I’m so so blessed :’)

Finally got down to collating all confirmed deadlines/schedules, and the next few weeks leading up till the end of the semester seem quite hectic hmm. Seriously hope for an increase in productivity … so that I’ll be able to cope with all my commitments and handle studies at the same time ): But no regrets for the commitments, because as tiring and draining they may be, the satisfaction and happiness that comes from it is waaay more than worth it! But with that said, I seriously need to learn how to prioritize & allocate my time properly HAHA.

So excited to see our youths again tomorrow, can’t deny that they are one of my biggest motivations to get through each week (albeit sessions being on Tuesdays), hoping for a higher attendance rate for our CNY Celeb/community blessing with our youths tomorrow :’) Every session with them leaves me feeling so heartened and proud of their growth & progress, even if it’s just a micro improvement. Because at least it’s something, isn’t it? ­čÖé

Many things to look forward to this year, can’t wait for Avril Lavigne’s 6th studio album + Lana Del Rey’s new album titled Honeymoon to be released! Good songs make me really, really happy, especially with lyrics that mean so damn much so yaaaay for good music.

And CNY is approaching so quickly yaaaay so excited *pops confetti* haven’t decide how to paint my nails for CNY, or maybe I’ll be lazy and do without ’em designs haha. Alright time to up my productivity so ….. till the next time! Happy (belated) Valentine’s everyone, may the world be filled with more love x

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Blue Velvet

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Sometimes, you can only feel something by its absence. By the empty space it leaves behind.

Really hyped up for Korea now after planning our itinerary, can’t believe we’re Korea-bound in merely 43 days (: Independent holiday trips are really just different from trips with family, albeit having to admit both are fun in its own different ways. Super excited for the days in Jeju, can’t wait to witness the breathtaking scenery in reality, a pity we won’t be viewing sunrise at the peak but … it’s for the best, or else we would prolly be burned out before we even head to Seoul.

Volunteer training + first comm meeting went relatively well, looking forward to the adventure camp with youths already! And this camp more or less mirrors my Guiding days with activities like outfield cooking, pitching & sleeping in tents, as well as the hitches/knots/lashings involved. Hope that it will be a good experience, & may the planning of activities etc turn out smoothly! Fingers crossed. & there’s comm lunch tomorrow before mentoring session … hopefully it will let the comm bond better & get to know each other well, so we can work properly all together to make the camp a success hee.

Priorities. I guess I don’t have that. Clearly there’s a stark difference between knowing your priorities & having priorities, and I admit I’m lacking the latter. Hitting the 20s soon in a couple of months, really got to get my life on track properly, sort out everything going on in my life, and perhaps come up with a To-Do List in life, after all that will make things more meaningful than the boring/mundane/scheduled life that we’re all currently living in. But we all learn along the way, all the mistakes made, regrets accumulated, they shape & morph our lives into the state it is in today. So it ultimately is true, when people say that whatever you’re facing now is nothing but made from your past. And you know that the ghosts of your pasts will come back to haunt you occasionally so … I guess we all just have to deal with that.

Gave advice to a friend recently about something really important/which pretty much determines the future path. Hope I didn’t give the wrong advice, the last thing I’d want is for regrets in this choice, because it’s life-defining. But with that said, everything happens for a reason, so if it’s meant to be, it will eventually be clear as to why certain decisions are forsaken for others.

On a lighter note, I finally finished tidying & redownloading ALL the songs back into iTunes, it was such a hassle, mega torturous process but I’m finally done! Retained waaaay less songs than what I had previously, but at least this frees up more space in my phone for new songs to come in (: Really hyped up for Infinite’s new album “Season 2” to be released on 21 May, as well as Lana Del Rey’s new album “Ultraviolence” to be released some time in June! Always welcoming fresh songs, both new & old, so do throw some recommendations if any!

Watched Divergent in the theatres some time last week, really love the movie it’s so, inspiring in some ways. Dauntless, this word has escalated its meaning through the movie & it really serves as a timely reminder to step out of our comfort zones & not be bounded by facades of what we think we should do for a safe & comfortable life. Because sometimes, that leap of faith is important, to expose ourselves to something waaay bigger than before, or rather enlightenment to a whole new aspect of life that we never imagined could have existed. Can’t wait for the movies of Insurgent & Allegiant to be out, & no doubt these 3 books are in my iBooks already hee, really good reads!

It’s the long-awaited summer break but I’m still tied down/busy with things so, till the next time! x

Memories

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I don’t like remembering. Remembering makes me feel things. I don’t like feeling things.

The past few days have been pretty much insane. All I can say is that I’m genuinely thankful for my friends at times like these, and how they would willingly oblige to all my requests etc, and all the therapeutic words & what-nots. Albeit the short time, it has been a memorable one, so whatever it is, no regrets for sure ­čÖé It’s good to find closure in such instances anyway.

Been thinking about my style of blogging, I really admire those who are able to write so fluently/poetic-like, or rather tumblr worthy (aka the kind of things that I will definitely reblog on tumblr haha). It makes my writing seem … inferior? I don’t really know how to get my point across about this, and it kind of sucks how I’m so awkward with words & can’t seem to let the words flow out smoothly to aptly convey my thoughts. Nevertheless, endlessparadigm has been a good platform thus far. I remember creating it back in June last year to signify a fresh start in my life, so I’ll prolly stick with this platform for my entire uni life, as it jots down the bits & pieces of memories that I’ve had in my years as an undergraduate, regardless of happy or sad. Because all these past events are the ones that shaped me to be who I am today, so no regrets.

I’m starting to think “no regrets” is going to be my favorite phrase someday haha but these 2 words really encapsulates the deeper meaning of how we shouldn’t be having second thoughts about our decisions in life, be it minor or major. Take it as an excuse for the occasional YOLO moments that we have, or just to have the courage to venture out of the safety zone we comfortably hide ourselves in.

Nell’s past albums are awesome beyond words. Such a talented band that is waaay underrated, though I have to acknowledge that their genre of music won’t appeal to the general public since it’s non-conventional/considered indie/alternative? Currently listening to Separation Anxiety, an old album dated waaay back in 2008.┬áSeparation Anxiety is the first of the trilogy album series, with Slip Away published in 2012, and Newton’s Apple released earlier this year. Each stand-alone album might not make as much sense, but with all 3 albums put together, it’s amazing how the lyrics of each song line up to form a story being told (: And to think they have planned this since the preparation for Separation Anxiety … they are insanely talented really.

Finals are coming, I really need to buck up & study hard so time to end this post here, with lyrics quoted from Time Walking on Memory by Nell, you’ve got to love this song x

The door of wanting opens

Your memories come and find me

My eyes turn red

The door of wanting opens

Your memories come and find me

My heart keeps getting torn