Falling

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So where’s the “always” you promised?

Because sometimes people do actually feel that way. Sometimes your life feels like it’s caving in on you. Sometimes people really do feel like they don’t want to exist, like they just want to curl up in a ball, and go into that place between life & death. Saying “I don’t want to exist” isn’t saying “I want to go die”. It’s saying “I wish that, for the time being, I could go somewhere and not have to feel.” I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. And if you don’t know how it feels like to feel this way, then you have no place to judge anyone who does.

It’s one of those days where I feel like spamming Lana Del Rey’s songs, especially Ride & Born To Die. It’s a pity I haven’t been able to find anyone who truly appreciates LDR’s songs … but I love them I really do, they’re so therapeutic at best 🙂

Seriously can’t wait for midterms to be over, feeling so damn drained & lifeless these days. Too stressed out & all other problems piling up aren’t exactly helping in destressing ugh. Should hit the books again soon (literally haha okay kidding), may tomorrow’s cognitive psych midterms be manageable sigh x fingers really.

Aiming for an update sometime soon, stay tuned guys x

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Broken

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No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. 

 

Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice.

These few days/today have been worse than hell & I don’t know how to cope with all these anymore. Too many thoughts on my mind, will post proper again sometime soon.

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But you are my once upon a time.

Till the next time x

Special Stars

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For some of us are much harder to love. For some of us, living doesn’t exist, we are here surviving. We can breathe but not freely like the others. For some of us would describe ourselves as terrifying, different and damaged. For some of us let someone do this to us. Mess us up so badly emotionally and mentally that we have turned cold because that’s the only way we can survive the pain that is guaranteed to come. For some of us are called “selfish” when the people around us are too selfish to realize that we are not okay. For some of us need that drink to keep our hands away from the things that rip into our flesh. For some of us don’t have it easy and have grown up in this perfect society something less than human. For some of us have lived enough nightmares that we can’t feel anymore. For some of us spend hours every night trying to fall asleep with our hands over our mouths so no one can hear us crying, so we can’t hear ourselves crying. For some of us can’t be broken because we already are.

Bad day

It has been a really bad day I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. Can this day get any worse. And I feel so bad to my friends whom I’m complaining/confiding to but if I don’t I really don’t know what will happen. And it doesn’t help when I seem like a burden to some of you. Perhaps it was a wrong move, I don’t know. I just thought we were close enough for you to at least listen. I guess that really hurt me, even more than everything that is going wrong in my life right now.

 

And when I say my life is so screwed up now, it’s a major understatement. I’m serious. The least you could do was to act like you care okay -.- I really thought we were close friends. It really really hurts okay.