A Little Happy

A little happy is all it ever takes Somebody else just tell you that it’s worth fighting A single step becomes a leap a faith That’s when you realize just starting flying

Avril Lavigne dropped her latest single today, titled Fly! It’s a really meaningful song as she released it in association with the 2015 Special Olympics World Summer Games. Quoted a verse from the song above, the lyrics for Fly are really meaningful, and applicable in different circumstances, no matter what you may be going through currently. So so happy for this song to be released so timely, serving as a source of motivation (& a new song to get hooked on to) amidst these few hectic & insane weeks. With the submission of the final project today, I can finally embark on focused preparations for the upcoming finals. Less than a month before the end of finals and the start of a little getaway, before returning back to fulfilling commitments all over again. Packed summer ahead with many events revolving around my passion, so I’m actually pretty much looking forward to summer break! It’ll be tiring, but a different kind of tired – a fun & definitely meaningful one at that. tumblr_nmo1slc9uG1s62z8ro1_400

People talk about closure, but I don’t buy it. When someone blasts a hole in your life, it tends to stay open. If that wound heals, the surface remains tainted by scars that sink deeper. I do believe in healing. But losing someone, or being hurt by another isn’t something you just move on from. You don’t go back to the same person you were before. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But there’s no denying that once inflicted, even healed wounds have now become a part of you.

This is a new perspective of things, worth pondering over. I guess it’s the same concept of people saying that things are just masking over each other, and yet no matter how deeply embedded or hidden away they are, they still exist. It’s still there, you just don’t see it at the surface level. Embrace the differences, the ups and downs in your life; feel thankful for being strong enough to handle the tough times, feel grateful for the little happy things that occur, for they all matter. Saw this quote on Tumblr a few days back, posting it here because I really love & believe in the idea/concept of soulmates ๐Ÿ™‚

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out & we can be completely & honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are & not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person.

Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

Alright till the next time, everyone go listen to Avril’s song okay please support her & the incredible song Fly yaaay okay bye x

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2014

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Happy NYE everyone! This post will be the first since I turned 20. And this post will be the last of 2014. Taking some time to type & reflect on the year, guess it’s sort of a review post of how life has been in 2014 ๐Ÿ™‚ Disclaimer: It’s really long & boring, but I choose to document all of it down for myself, as a keepsake memory. It has been a tough yet interesting journey thus far,ย and I’m thankful that it’s going to be over soon, for 2015 will definitely be filled with even more fun, excitement and challenges that I (hope I can and) will conquer ๐Ÿ™‚

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Life as a psychology undergraduate in NUS

2014 marks the final sem of being a year 1, and proceeding on as a year 2 in uni. School hasn’t been easy on me, or perhaps I’m just a student inferior to others. But I truly enjoy what I study, and it’s nice to see the fruits of my hard labor in the results received recently – albeit not fantastic or impressive, but an improvement is all it takes to convince myself that it’s worth it. In 2014, I took modules that interest me the most (social + abnormal psychology). And this affirmed my dream of reading psychology :’)

Social psych taught me social skills & know-hows in daily interactions, it made me (slightly) more sensitive to people’s behaviors. I guess this is why people assume that psychologists can read minds, though it’s really more of just being more observant in certain things that others tend to neglect. Whatever it is, I still have a looong way to go ๐Ÿ™‚

Abnormal psychology taught me the art of empathy, yet at the same time to be less judgmental. It’s really important that we do not label people with disorders as “the person with depression” or whatsoever, but to accept & view them as who they are, for they are only humans who are less fortunate than others to be diagnosed with psychological disorders. And I finally got the chance to visit IMH through my course of study, which makes me really grateful ๐Ÿ™‚ It has provided me with fresh insights & what-nots, definitely will continue to volunteer @ IMH if I have the chance!

Overall, despite the hectic schedules as an undergraduate, where I experienced my first double 8am lectures in uni (which I will avoid to the best of my abilities from now on), it has been a fulfilling year in terms of studies ๐Ÿ™‚

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Life as a volunteer in CSC

2014 marks the year where I officially involved myself in volunteering once again, after a one-year hiatus in 2013. The first major event was the Adventure Camp held in June. Planning for the camp while rendering my services as the Secretary in the committee taught me loads of things, especially since this is the first time I’ve planned for a camp that’s held in Pulau Ubin. A foreign location naturally brings about more difficulties & uncertainties, but the camp made me revisit Guiding skills that I’ve missed, which makes me really happy because it brought back fond memories of Guiding with the pitching of tents & firelighting for outdoor cooking ๐Ÿ™‚

Then came theย biggestย decision I’ve made in 2014 – accepting the role of Vice Chairperson of Youth Rangers. It was a really tough choice & I was in a constant debate between acceptance & rejection of the role, for I wasn’t sure if I could handle the responsibilities that came with the title. After consulting & considering the various advice from friends, I decided to give it a try. I don’t regret the choice, albeit knowing that perhaps there might be someone out there who has better capabilities for this role. Because this choice has ultimately shaped & steered my volunteering journey to a different one – one that is more meaningful than all the volunteering experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

Being the VC has its pros and cons. For one, I’m really glad to have been given this opportunity, & it has led me to meet an awesome RVP Team AY14/15, especially the other Children/Youth sector chairpersons ๐Ÿ™‚ It has also allowed me to be more involved in the behind-the-scenes of volunteering, ranging from planning of events to attending countless meetings & gaining new insights from other fellow chairpersons. I can’tย emphasize how much importance volunteering takes in my heart, and it’s so so important to me that people volunteer because they have the genuine passion & heart to do so. It’s obvious when their reasons for volunteering are otherwise, but sometimes I choose not to say anything because well, it’s their choice, and as long as they don’t jeopardize anything, I guess I’m not in the position to judge or whatsoever.

I foresee changes in the future, in YR, and I’m hoping for the changes to be a good one. Since I officially accepted my certificate of appointment on 4 Sept 2014, I promise to make the best out of this AY, as the VC of YR. May things be smooth sailing from now on, and I’m confident to say that I’m no longer who I was in the past. The volunteering experience thus far has shaped me greatly and I’m thankful for that.

It’s really so heartwarming to see the youths acknowledging & being happy because of our presence & commitments, the fun & enjoyment that they display during sessions are what drives me to continue pushing on even if it’s a tough time ahead. Because as long as we have impacted & made a difference in contributing to the lives of our youths, I know that all the hard work is more than worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

Apart from YR, I’ve semi-involved myself as a volunteer in GAW during the wish adoption + party phases ๐Ÿ™‚ I had the opportunity to learn basic Braille during a workshop @ iC2 Prephouse, it was a really eye-opening experience! Attended 2 GAW Parties (iC2 Prephouse + BSS), and I’ve learnt a lot from both parties. Interacting with children of different backgrounds, with children who have slight disabilities in terms of sight, it really made me feel much more humble while seeing the amount they had to offer despite all the setbacks going on in their lives.

One semester left as a member of YR Comm, & I’m going to make sure things get better, and that it’s the best yet. Looking forward to the continuation of rendering my services in CSC, as volunteering continues to play a significant role in my journey to self-discovery & fulfillment! ๐Ÿ™‚

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Life as a tourist in Korea

This is definitely one of the highlights of 2014. My first independent 15-day holiday trip overseas with friends! Thank you to the best travelling buddies I could ever ask for, I really love how our travelling styles & preferences etc all complement each other so well, and that the trip concluded so memorably without any arguments or whatsoever. I had the best time of my life in Korea, and am already looking forward to future trips together with this awesome bunch! In these 15 days, I’ve been to Jeju + Seoul, and it was a really interesting experience.

Hobo-ed at Incheon Airport overnight for the first time in my life, and it was such a historical moment where we coincidentally managed to meet various k-idols (including our bias group INFINITE!!!!) while hobo-ing overnight. What a pleasant surprise it was, I’ll never forget how it felt omg :’) Aaaand I met my bias Dongwoo’s parents by visiting their family restaurant! Thank you my dearest friends for scheduling that into our triip & not giving up despite getting lost for a while in an attempt to find the restaurant (there was even a slight drizzle)! It was simply … magical HAHA. Conversing with Dongwoo’s dad, and him being so enthusiastic about taking a picture with us that he even made sure that Dongwoo’s poster will be captured in the picture! And Dongwoo’s mom personally feeding us (although the spicy octopus really made me have legit tears), such awesome fan service that his parents gave to fans (especially since they knew we were not local fans but international fans!) I’ll definitely head back to their family restaurant the next time I go to Korea, and sincerely appreciate the warm hospitality that they served us with!

From randomly following this rookie group at Myeongdong whom we initially didn’t know of (and subsequently found out they were B.I.G.), to all the crazy shopping & fun times in Jeju/Seoul, thank you to Yumin, Sheryin & Amanda for the memorable Korea trip ๐Ÿ™‚ Here’s to more #guesswhatadventures to come in the future!

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Life as a music fanatic

In 2014, I attended 2 concerts! Avril Lavigne Live in Singapore 2014 on 15 Feb, and The Red Tour by Taylor Swift on 12 June.

After being a Black Star since primary school days, I finally got to enjoy Avril Lavigne’s concert live for the first time ever! Made sure to get the best tickets with the best view, and saying that Avril is awesome irl is a major understatement omg. Can’t wait for her next album to be out, since it has been almost 2 years since she released her fifth self-titled studio album. Her sincerity & confidence in her performance really deserves the utmost admiration from all her black stars indeed, may her songs continue to serve as my therapy in the future! Taylor Swift was incredible live as well, and her stage performances & entertainment level is insane. Thankful to have gotten the chance to attend both concerts this year ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m hoping for Lana Del Rey to come for a tour in Singapore in the future! Her album Ultraviolence released earlier this year has been on replay for the longest time ever, there’s just something about the songs by Lana Del Rey that is so addictive.

Infinite released 2 albums this year,ย Season 2 + Season 2 Repackage, and both albums are nicely sitting on my shelf hee. Infinite songs are definitely my favorite in Kpop, and Last Romeo + Back (both of their title tracks this year) literally blew my mind away. I really love how much sincerity they put in each of their performances on stage, where they actually sing live despite their dance being really tough & energy draining. Definitely going to continue supporting Infinite by being their loyal Inspirit! It has been said that Infinite H will be having a comeback in January, Infinite in February, and Sunggyu with his second solo album some time next year. Hence, I foresee 2015 being an awesome year for Infinite already, may all their group/unit/solo comebacks be successful! ๐Ÿ™‚

Amidst all the songs from specific singers, I’m glad to have stumbled upon loads of other random English songs with lyrics that resonate deeply within me, that I can relate to, and that are applicable for different moods etc.

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Life as who I am

In 2014, I’ve learnt a lot and gained loads of valuable experience, to continue shaping my future for who I’m meant to be. One recurring topic is undoubtedly “friends”, as I realized how people seem to loosely classify (& I used to be guilty of that as well) acquaintances as friends. This year, I’ve realized who my true friends are, who are the friends meant to stick around, and who aren’t the sincere ones. This year, I had the chance of several friendships resurfacing, from years ago. And I’m really glad it happened, because it does feel good & reassuring to be able to reminisce & share freely about things, to people who were once in my life (and have re-entered thankfully).

Lost friendships might be hard to revive, but for what’s it worth, the effort put in by both parties will definitely keep it going. I really like how it isn’t awkward at all despite losing contact for years ๐Ÿ™‚ I guess this goes to show the genuine core of what friendship should entail ๐Ÿ™‚

And I’m more than grateful to those whom I’ve been talking on a regular/daily basis. No need for mentions, you guys know who you are. Thank you for tolerating all the nonsense & enduring all my rants/frustrations etc. It hasn’t been easy, I’m sure of that, but thanks for sticking around :’) It means so much to me. Old is gold indeed, I wouldn’t trade you guys for any other, not now not ever.

Living life as a 19 y-o and turning 20 so so recently, I’ve grown to notice the amount of independence needed in my life. Things aren’t the same as what they were when I was young, safe in my comfort zone & protected from all ’em unpleasant happenings. But this is a learning & growing process. As we make mistakes, we learn from them, we rebound, and get back up stronger than before.

This year continued to touch me with endearing birthday wishes/messages, all of which I read well & will hold the words close to my heart :’) Thank you for all the birthday wishes/dedications, spending time to meet me & what-nots, planning surprises, and all the handwritten birthday letters! For I’m still old-fashioned when it comes to this, but handwritten letters really hold so much significance than any other. So thank you to everyone and yes, I’m finally 20! ๐Ÿ™‚

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May 2015 be a better year for everyone, with less tragedies happening & more happiness spread throughout. Going to make a 2015 new year resolution since I’m turning 21 next year, but probably not going to post it up since it’s more private haha. First two weeks of 2015 really packed & hence ensuring that the beginning of 2015 will be a blast, may it be a meaningful & insightful year ahead, where everyone gets what they wish/aim for :’) Put behind whatever unhappiness or grudges incurred in 2014, and welcome 2015 with a fresh start, an open mind, and a hopeful heart!

With this, I conclude my final post on endlessparadigm in 2014. Till the next time we meet, in 2015 x

20152015, bring it on. I’m ready.

Maps

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I am not a perfect person. I can make mistakes anytime.
But still, I love those people who stay with me after knowing the real personality behind me.

Thank you for accepting me for who I am.

& I love it when someone becomes a part of your daily routine.
It’s nice to talk to someone who wants to talk to you just as much, without anything feeling forced.

There is way more in life than just being buried in books, & yesterday night proved that point so aptly ๐Ÿ™‚ Therapeutic at its best indeed. But okaaaay as an undergraduate, I should still prioritize my studies so … off to mug again! 3 more papers, 4 more days. Can’t wait for post-finals x

Wild Rose

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Belated post that concludes the end of finals! As of 06 May 2014: “Goodbye finals | freshie no more | HELLO SUMMER” (: with finals concluding, it marks the end of my official year one of uni life. Inevitably there has been many turns & turmoils along the way of these 2 semesters, but I’ll live with it. Wouldn’t have wanted things to unfold in any other way, glad for everything that happens because after all, everything happens for a reason (: Not sure if I’m trying to find solitude or peace within by using “everything happens for a reason” as the explanation for things that make me upset along the way, but at least it works as a cheer-me-up to a certain extent.

Everything that I wanted to say about being a year one student has probably been expressed along the way of my posts since endlessparadigm was created, so no need for any other words. I’m happy, I really am.ย 

So … post finals has been an indulgence since I’ve been heading out every single day since finals ended. Need to learn how to control my spending but, the shopaholic side of me has been suppressed for so long, I’ll brush it off as a guilty pleasure or whatever haha. Many things happening this summer break! Meet-ups & hanging out with all ’em friends, continue prepping my tutee for upcoming PSLE, heading to Korea with friends, and the weekly volunteering sessions + adventure camp! So hyped up for the adventure camp & it has been more than a month of worrying/since the interview, glad to have been given the chance to be secretary for adventure camp committee hee.

Really miss being a secretary since the Guiding days, wondering if the experience will be any different or the same eventually. Random bouts of memories keep flashing in my mind, specifically to the Guiding days, but then again it has been long since. Being a mere sec one of the patrol in 2007 to stepping down as PL + secretary in 2010, it was hell of a journey, and that’s prolly an understatement hmm. Whatever it is, looking forward to new beginnings, hope the adventure camp for youth rangers will be successful, can’t wait for first comm meeting + more updates ๐Ÿ™‚

There were many things I wanted to post during the finals period but I didn’t want to succumb to the temptation of social media/using my laptop or else productivity will be down to zero alongside mega procrastination. It’s a tradition to be posting at least one quote in each post, and today’s quote will come from one of my closest friends! From a bipolar conversation that we had a week back:

But you learn and appreciate stuff as you grow up.

As much as there’s more hate, but there’s love and care too.

ย 

– A.L. (2014)

So true indeed hmm. It’s amusing how there are so many topics in a single conversation at the same time, ranging from seemingly deep discussions to those really childish 9 y-o like message exchanges. That’s the beauty of friends I guess, and the rapport in the friendship built within.

Oh and I finally painted my nails again after such a long time! But I couldn’t decide on a single colour + was too lazy to do intricate designs this time so I went with pastel colours (specifically one colour per nail). Kind of pleased with how the colour combination matches hee, maybe I should do this more often.

This post has been rather nonsensical at its best, thanks for reading k bye x

Ride

But the truth is we never really grow up.

We just masquerade as adults,

because that’s what we’re expected to do.

Really short update because I don’t want to neglect this space just because of the upcoming exams (though I’ll acknowledge the importance of finals). The past few days have been … mugging & mugging, and more mugging. Not that I’m complaining, I’m actually really enjoying what I study now. It’s just the concept of “exams” and “grades” that really irks me, as though we’reย forced to study just because weย need/want to get good grades. Who says I can’t be reading up about these psych stuff because I’m genuinely interested, exams or not? But then again, society makes everything boil down to performing well in such tests … and hence it’s back to hardcore mugging ultimately for the sake of good grades. Well at least I’m enjoying, I really am. I see true meaning in the things that I’m studying (well maybe one or two mods are an exception), but otherwise all else is good ๐Ÿ™‚

‘been listening to 4 songs on replay while mugging (courtesy of sis who let me download the songs into her phone ‘cos my iTunes has … certain issues which forbid me from adding songs currently ugh). These songs are more of the slow/ballad kinds, not upbeat, perfect for mugging ๐Ÿ™‚ Not sure if I actually work well with listening to music while mugging but at least it keeps me more focused somehow, while the music I listen to drift into the background. It’s there, but I’m not paying attention to it as much, but at least it’s there. Go figure what the effects are haha, ‘cos honestly I’m not really sure too. Anyway the 4 songs are:

Ride – Lana Del Rey

West Coast – Lana Del Rey

Gods & Monsters – Lana Del Rey

House on a Hill – The Pretty Reckless

So evidently I’m a fan of LDR. West Coast is the first single released from her upcoming album Ultraviolence, the other two are from the Paradise Edition of Born to Die album released some time last year. There’s just something about the songs of LDR and her voice that matches so well & makes you fall deep into, nothing else really matters when you’re listening to her songs, it’s almost finding the peace within. The last song of the listย House on a Hill, it was a looong process of how I got to know of this song. First I saw on twitter that Taylor Momsen (acted as Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl series) was quitting acting for good to focus on her music career – which shocked me because I didn’t actually know she was the lead vocals of a band (aka The Pretty Reckless). So I decided to give their album a try, and out of all the songs in their second studio album (released earlier this year), this ballad caught my attention almost immediately ๐Ÿ™‚ And gosh I miss watching Gossip Girl, shall rewatch all 6 seasons after finals. And also to finish watching Pretty Little Liars season 4, can’t wait for Season 5 to be out omg *o*

Oh and Avril Lavigne is releasing her Hello Kitty music video in 2 days’ time, so damn excited for it like all the little black stars in my twitter timeline ๐Ÿ™‚ And of course patiently waiting for Give You What You Like music video to drop as well. Awesome songs from her latest self-titled album, definitely worth a listen so please do when you can hee.

Alright it’s probably time to get off endlessparadigm, going to prepare some stuff for Char before I’ll commence mugging for the day. It’s tiring but it’ll be worth it – at least that’s what I always tell myself at times like these, don’t know if I’m delusional or psychoing myself into studying haha whoops.

8 more days till the first paper of finals, may these final 8 days of pre-finals mugging be nothing but productive. All the best to everyone who’s handling exams currently, it’ll be over all too soon before you know it, so persevere & it’ll be alright.

So till the next time x

Memories

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I don’t like remembering. Remembering makes me feel things. I don’t like feeling things.

The past few days have been pretty much insane. All I can say is that I’m genuinely thankful for my friends at times like these, and how they would willingly oblige to all my requests etc, and all the therapeutic words & what-nots. Albeit the short time, it has been a memorable one, so whatever it is, no regrets for sure ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s good to find closure in such instances anyway.

Been thinking about my style of blogging, I really admire those who are able to write so fluently/poetic-like, or rather tumblr worthy (aka the kind of things that I will definitely reblog on tumblr haha). It makes my writing seem … inferior? I don’t really know how to get my point across about this, and it kind of sucks how I’m so awkward with words & can’t seem to let the words flow out smoothly to aptly convey my thoughts. Nevertheless, endlessparadigm has been a good platform thus far. I remember creating it back in June last year to signify a fresh start in my life, so I’ll prolly stick with this platform for my entire uni life, as it jots down the bits & pieces of memories that I’ve had in my years as an undergraduate, regardless of happy or sad. Because all these past events are the ones that shaped me to be who I am today, so no regrets.

I’m starting to think “no regrets” is going to be my favorite phrase someday haha but these 2 words really encapsulates the deeper meaning of how we shouldn’t be having second thoughts about our decisions in life, be it minor or major. Take it as an excuse for the occasional YOLO moments that we have, or just to have the courage to venture out of the safety zone we comfortably hide ourselves in.

Nell’s past albums are awesome beyond words. Such a talented band that is waaay underrated, though I have to acknowledge that their genre of music won’t appeal to the general public since it’s non-conventional/considered indie/alternative? Currently listening to Separation Anxiety, an old album dated waaay back in 2008.ย Separation Anxiety is the first of the trilogy album series, with Slip Away published in 2012, and Newton’s Apple released earlier this year. Each stand-alone album might not make as much sense, but with all 3 albums put together, it’s amazing how the lyrics of each song line up to form a story being told (: And to think they have planned this since the preparation for Separation Anxiety … they are insanely talented really.

Finals are coming, I really need to buck up & study hard so time to end this post here, with lyrics quoted from Time Walking on Memory by Nell, you’ve got to love this song x

The door of wanting opens

Your memories come and find me

My eyes turn red

The door of wanting opens

Your memories come and find me

My heart keeps getting torn