Time Walking On Memory

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Beautiful things grow to a certain height and then they fall and fade off, breathing out memories as they decay.
– F. Scott Fitzgerald

Spent the past two weeks at various parts of Korea (Busan, Jeonju & Seoul) grad trippin’ & healing in general before embarking on a new phase in life really soon. Glad to have caught this beautiful sunrise at Songdo Beach (Busan),  wouldn’t have traded this view for any other. For sunrise signifies hope & a brand new beginning, while sunsets bring about comfort & a quiet understanding of what went through in a day’s worth of events. Quite a bummer that we didn’t manage to catch sunset at Gwangalli Beach this trip, but it’ll be a permanent agenda on my to-do list every trip I go to 🙂

It was a trip of self discovery, therapeutic healing, and letting myself loose to just enjoy every moment that’ll be cherished & looked back upon fondly in the years to come 🙂 Many experiences & occurrences during this trip that are a tad too personal but at least these are the memories that’ll live on. Tried documenting significant things down but realised that what mattered the most weren’t the attractions visited nor the food consumed (yum though), but it was really the little moments & happenings that meant the most.

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Exposure to the sea at different locations (especially in Busan) made me realise how much I actually love the sea?!?!! It’s so ….. calming to watch the waves crash into the rocks & slowly recede back gently, and the cycle repeats again & again. All these accompanied by the sea breeze that might have been too strong at times but still welcomed nevertheless whoopie.

We watched people skipping stones across the water & it looked like so much fun 🙂 These little enjoyments in life really warms my heart, bringing back the youthful times and being carefree in those moments.

And talking about stones……..

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Legend has it that if you make a wish & successfully stack a stone above another in a pile like this, your wish will come true. Still can’t decide if I’m a superstitious person but no harm trying right? For what it’s worth, I sincerely hope that if this legend were true, my wish would be granted too 🙂

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Spent our last proper night in Korea enjoying a late-night chimaek (chicken + beer) picnic at Hangang Park. Low quality photo but high quality time spent that night, feeling really reluctant & unwilling to head back home the next day. Attempted to stargaze but there weren’t many stars, but laying on the picnic mats & just staring up at the sky made everything feel so perfect ahh. Definitely one of the best ways to spend our last night even though I was freEeeZing like cray.

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Wouldn’t have had so much fun without these two travel buddies, thank you for being so tolerant of my behaviour & what-nots, hope y’all had as much fun as I did 🙂 Of late nights & conversations & insane hiking/walking together, the past two weeks have been so so memorable (in all the right & wrong ways), but every moment was definitely worth it.

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There’s just so so so much more to post about but these shall suffice for now. Glad to be home, till the next time we meet again Korea 🙂 I’ll definitely be back.

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2014

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Happy NYE everyone! This post will be the first since I turned 20. And this post will be the last of 2014. Taking some time to type & reflect on the year, guess it’s sort of a review post of how life has been in 2014 🙂 Disclaimer: It’s really long & boring, but I choose to document all of it down for myself, as a keepsake memory. It has been a tough yet interesting journey thus far, and I’m thankful that it’s going to be over soon, for 2015 will definitely be filled with even more fun, excitement and challenges that I (hope I can and) will conquer 🙂

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Life as a psychology undergraduate in NUS

2014 marks the final sem of being a year 1, and proceeding on as a year 2 in uni. School hasn’t been easy on me, or perhaps I’m just a student inferior to others. But I truly enjoy what I study, and it’s nice to see the fruits of my hard labor in the results received recently – albeit not fantastic or impressive, but an improvement is all it takes to convince myself that it’s worth it. In 2014, I took modules that interest me the most (social + abnormal psychology). And this affirmed my dream of reading psychology :’)

Social psych taught me social skills & know-hows in daily interactions, it made me (slightly) more sensitive to people’s behaviors. I guess this is why people assume that psychologists can read minds, though it’s really more of just being more observant in certain things that others tend to neglect. Whatever it is, I still have a looong way to go 🙂

Abnormal psychology taught me the art of empathy, yet at the same time to be less judgmental. It’s really important that we do not label people with disorders as “the person with depression” or whatsoever, but to accept & view them as who they are, for they are only humans who are less fortunate than others to be diagnosed with psychological disorders. And I finally got the chance to visit IMH through my course of study, which makes me really grateful 🙂 It has provided me with fresh insights & what-nots, definitely will continue to volunteer @ IMH if I have the chance!

Overall, despite the hectic schedules as an undergraduate, where I experienced my first double 8am lectures in uni (which I will avoid to the best of my abilities from now on), it has been a fulfilling year in terms of studies 🙂

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Life as a volunteer in CSC

2014 marks the year where I officially involved myself in volunteering once again, after a one-year hiatus in 2013. The first major event was the Adventure Camp held in June. Planning for the camp while rendering my services as the Secretary in the committee taught me loads of things, especially since this is the first time I’ve planned for a camp that’s held in Pulau Ubin. A foreign location naturally brings about more difficulties & uncertainties, but the camp made me revisit Guiding skills that I’ve missed, which makes me really happy because it brought back fond memories of Guiding with the pitching of tents & firelighting for outdoor cooking 🙂

Then came the biggest decision I’ve made in 2014 – accepting the role of Vice Chairperson of Youth Rangers. It was a really tough choice & I was in a constant debate between acceptance & rejection of the role, for I wasn’t sure if I could handle the responsibilities that came with the title. After consulting & considering the various advice from friends, I decided to give it a try. I don’t regret the choice, albeit knowing that perhaps there might be someone out there who has better capabilities for this role. Because this choice has ultimately shaped & steered my volunteering journey to a different one – one that is more meaningful than all the volunteering experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

Being the VC has its pros and cons. For one, I’m really glad to have been given this opportunity, & it has led me to meet an awesome RVP Team AY14/15, especially the other Children/Youth sector chairpersons 🙂 It has also allowed me to be more involved in the behind-the-scenes of volunteering, ranging from planning of events to attending countless meetings & gaining new insights from other fellow chairpersons. I can’t emphasize how much importance volunteering takes in my heart, and it’s so so important to me that people volunteer because they have the genuine passion & heart to do so. It’s obvious when their reasons for volunteering are otherwise, but sometimes I choose not to say anything because well, it’s their choice, and as long as they don’t jeopardize anything, I guess I’m not in the position to judge or whatsoever.

I foresee changes in the future, in YR, and I’m hoping for the changes to be a good one. Since I officially accepted my certificate of appointment on 4 Sept 2014, I promise to make the best out of this AY, as the VC of YR. May things be smooth sailing from now on, and I’m confident to say that I’m no longer who I was in the past. The volunteering experience thus far has shaped me greatly and I’m thankful for that.

It’s really so heartwarming to see the youths acknowledging & being happy because of our presence & commitments, the fun & enjoyment that they display during sessions are what drives me to continue pushing on even if it’s a tough time ahead. Because as long as we have impacted & made a difference in contributing to the lives of our youths, I know that all the hard work is more than worth it 🙂

Apart from YR, I’ve semi-involved myself as a volunteer in GAW during the wish adoption + party phases 🙂 I had the opportunity to learn basic Braille during a workshop @ iC2 Prephouse, it was a really eye-opening experience! Attended 2 GAW Parties (iC2 Prephouse + BSS), and I’ve learnt a lot from both parties. Interacting with children of different backgrounds, with children who have slight disabilities in terms of sight, it really made me feel much more humble while seeing the amount they had to offer despite all the setbacks going on in their lives.

One semester left as a member of YR Comm, & I’m going to make sure things get better, and that it’s the best yet. Looking forward to the continuation of rendering my services in CSC, as volunteering continues to play a significant role in my journey to self-discovery & fulfillment! 🙂

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Life as a tourist in Korea

This is definitely one of the highlights of 2014. My first independent 15-day holiday trip overseas with friends! Thank you to the best travelling buddies I could ever ask for, I really love how our travelling styles & preferences etc all complement each other so well, and that the trip concluded so memorably without any arguments or whatsoever. I had the best time of my life in Korea, and am already looking forward to future trips together with this awesome bunch! In these 15 days, I’ve been to Jeju + Seoul, and it was a really interesting experience.

Hobo-ed at Incheon Airport overnight for the first time in my life, and it was such a historical moment where we coincidentally managed to meet various k-idols (including our bias group INFINITE!!!!) while hobo-ing overnight. What a pleasant surprise it was, I’ll never forget how it felt omg :’) Aaaand I met my bias Dongwoo’s parents by visiting their family restaurant! Thank you my dearest friends for scheduling that into our triip & not giving up despite getting lost for a while in an attempt to find the restaurant (there was even a slight drizzle)! It was simply … magical HAHA. Conversing with Dongwoo’s dad, and him being so enthusiastic about taking a picture with us that he even made sure that Dongwoo’s poster will be captured in the picture! And Dongwoo’s mom personally feeding us (although the spicy octopus really made me have legit tears), such awesome fan service that his parents gave to fans (especially since they knew we were not local fans but international fans!) I’ll definitely head back to their family restaurant the next time I go to Korea, and sincerely appreciate the warm hospitality that they served us with!

From randomly following this rookie group at Myeongdong whom we initially didn’t know of (and subsequently found out they were B.I.G.), to all the crazy shopping & fun times in Jeju/Seoul, thank you to Yumin, Sheryin & Amanda for the memorable Korea trip 🙂 Here’s to more #guesswhatadventures to come in the future!

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Life as a music fanatic

In 2014, I attended 2 concerts! Avril Lavigne Live in Singapore 2014 on 15 Feb, and The Red Tour by Taylor Swift on 12 June.

After being a Black Star since primary school days, I finally got to enjoy Avril Lavigne’s concert live for the first time ever! Made sure to get the best tickets with the best view, and saying that Avril is awesome irl is a major understatement omg. Can’t wait for her next album to be out, since it has been almost 2 years since she released her fifth self-titled studio album. Her sincerity & confidence in her performance really deserves the utmost admiration from all her black stars indeed, may her songs continue to serve as my therapy in the future! Taylor Swift was incredible live as well, and her stage performances & entertainment level is insane. Thankful to have gotten the chance to attend both concerts this year 🙂

I’m hoping for Lana Del Rey to come for a tour in Singapore in the future! Her album Ultraviolence released earlier this year has been on replay for the longest time ever, there’s just something about the songs by Lana Del Rey that is so addictive.

Infinite released 2 albums this year, Season 2 + Season 2 Repackage, and both albums are nicely sitting on my shelf hee. Infinite songs are definitely my favorite in Kpop, and Last Romeo + Back (both of their title tracks this year) literally blew my mind away. I really love how much sincerity they put in each of their performances on stage, where they actually sing live despite their dance being really tough & energy draining. Definitely going to continue supporting Infinite by being their loyal Inspirit! It has been said that Infinite H will be having a comeback in January, Infinite in February, and Sunggyu with his second solo album some time next year. Hence, I foresee 2015 being an awesome year for Infinite already, may all their group/unit/solo comebacks be successful! 🙂

Amidst all the songs from specific singers, I’m glad to have stumbled upon loads of other random English songs with lyrics that resonate deeply within me, that I can relate to, and that are applicable for different moods etc.

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Life as who I am

In 2014, I’ve learnt a lot and gained loads of valuable experience, to continue shaping my future for who I’m meant to be. One recurring topic is undoubtedly “friends”, as I realized how people seem to loosely classify (& I used to be guilty of that as well) acquaintances as friends. This year, I’ve realized who my true friends are, who are the friends meant to stick around, and who aren’t the sincere ones. This year, I had the chance of several friendships resurfacing, from years ago. And I’m really glad it happened, because it does feel good & reassuring to be able to reminisce & share freely about things, to people who were once in my life (and have re-entered thankfully).

Lost friendships might be hard to revive, but for what’s it worth, the effort put in by both parties will definitely keep it going. I really like how it isn’t awkward at all despite losing contact for years 🙂 I guess this goes to show the genuine core of what friendship should entail 🙂

And I’m more than grateful to those whom I’ve been talking on a regular/daily basis. No need for mentions, you guys know who you are. Thank you for tolerating all the nonsense & enduring all my rants/frustrations etc. It hasn’t been easy, I’m sure of that, but thanks for sticking around :’) It means so much to me. Old is gold indeed, I wouldn’t trade you guys for any other, not now not ever.

Living life as a 19 y-o and turning 20 so so recently, I’ve grown to notice the amount of independence needed in my life. Things aren’t the same as what they were when I was young, safe in my comfort zone & protected from all ’em unpleasant happenings. But this is a learning & growing process. As we make mistakes, we learn from them, we rebound, and get back up stronger than before.

This year continued to touch me with endearing birthday wishes/messages, all of which I read well & will hold the words close to my heart :’) Thank you for all the birthday wishes/dedications, spending time to meet me & what-nots, planning surprises, and all the handwritten birthday letters! For I’m still old-fashioned when it comes to this, but handwritten letters really hold so much significance than any other. So thank you to everyone and yes, I’m finally 20! 🙂

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May 2015 be a better year for everyone, with less tragedies happening & more happiness spread throughout. Going to make a 2015 new year resolution since I’m turning 21 next year, but probably not going to post it up since it’s more private haha. First two weeks of 2015 really packed & hence ensuring that the beginning of 2015 will be a blast, may it be a meaningful & insightful year ahead, where everyone gets what they wish/aim for :’) Put behind whatever unhappiness or grudges incurred in 2014, and welcome 2015 with a fresh start, an open mind, and a hopeful heart!

With this, I conclude my final post on endlessparadigm in 2014. Till the next time we meet, in 2015 x

20152015, bring it on. I’m ready.

Whispers Untold

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We write in darkness. We love in alleys. We breathe into beige paper bags. Anything to mollify the confusion. Anything to simplify the math. I am beset, even by rest. And when I close my eyes, the world is still macaronic. I feel for the wolf about to be trapped in the landfill. I feel for the crab about to scamper  from the net. I feel for humanity when the brightness of sick knowledge falls from exorbitant air. But remedies abound. There’s a remedy for everything. And a remedy for every remedy. 

Life has been pretty much alright on average hee. Was feeling down a while ago, & yet the recent meetups have been the best remedy. It just makes me instantaneously better, worry-free, and felt like everything was … peaceful? And that everything just felt so right & that life was heading the right way. Can’t express how important I cherish physical meetups, because occasional outings definitely serve a deeper purpose than communicating via texts all day long. But of course the daily conversations are therapeutic in a different sense & I’m not complaining about those at all (albeit my mum having issues with me being on my phone so often whooops). 

Can’t wait for the 15-day getaway to Korea in July! It feels so surreal this getaway is occurring in 25 days … to think we started the countdown from 91 days! In the blink of an eye, we will be off to Korea already hee. But first, these few remaining weeks will be busy since it’s pretty much filled up like craaaaazy. Busy, tiring, yet meaningful & definitely worth it. Already looking forward to more meet-ups, perks of summer break yaaaay (:

Anyway just wanted to post some thoughts hmm. Feels rather ironic how I realise you’re trying to get the attention, and yet I’m blatantly … ignoring. Subtly, but surely. Because it’s kind of pointless, it doesn’t mean anything to me so I’m not going to put on a facade & entertain whatever you’re saying. To put it bluntly, it’s a waste of my time, so stop trying. Just so you know, you’ll achieve nothing out of it, so why don’t you stop wasting your time too (: In short, screw off.

Foresee my next update to be on 9 June because it’s a … special & meaningful day :’) Can’t believe the 4-year anniversary is approaching soon already hee till then x

Blue Velvet

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Sometimes, you can only feel something by its absence. By the empty space it leaves behind.

Really hyped up for Korea now after planning our itinerary, can’t believe we’re Korea-bound in merely 43 days (: Independent holiday trips are really just different from trips with family, albeit having to admit both are fun in its own different ways. Super excited for the days in Jeju, can’t wait to witness the breathtaking scenery in reality, a pity we won’t be viewing sunrise at the peak but … it’s for the best, or else we would prolly be burned out before we even head to Seoul.

Volunteer training + first comm meeting went relatively well, looking forward to the adventure camp with youths already! And this camp more or less mirrors my Guiding days with activities like outfield cooking, pitching & sleeping in tents, as well as the hitches/knots/lashings involved. Hope that it will be a good experience, & may the planning of activities etc turn out smoothly! Fingers crossed. & there’s comm lunch tomorrow before mentoring session … hopefully it will let the comm bond better & get to know each other well, so we can work properly all together to make the camp a success hee.

Priorities. I guess I don’t have that. Clearly there’s a stark difference between knowing your priorities & having priorities, and I admit I’m lacking the latter. Hitting the 20s soon in a couple of months, really got to get my life on track properly, sort out everything going on in my life, and perhaps come up with a To-Do List in life, after all that will make things more meaningful than the boring/mundane/scheduled life that we’re all currently living in. But we all learn along the way, all the mistakes made, regrets accumulated, they shape & morph our lives into the state it is in today. So it ultimately is true, when people say that whatever you’re facing now is nothing but made from your past. And you know that the ghosts of your pasts will come back to haunt you occasionally so … I guess we all just have to deal with that.

Gave advice to a friend recently about something really important/which pretty much determines the future path. Hope I didn’t give the wrong advice, the last thing I’d want is for regrets in this choice, because it’s life-defining. But with that said, everything happens for a reason, so if it’s meant to be, it will eventually be clear as to why certain decisions are forsaken for others.

On a lighter note, I finally finished tidying & redownloading ALL the songs back into iTunes, it was such a hassle, mega torturous process but I’m finally done! Retained waaaay less songs than what I had previously, but at least this frees up more space in my phone for new songs to come in (: Really hyped up for Infinite’s new album “Season 2” to be released on 21 May, as well as Lana Del Rey’s new album “Ultraviolence” to be released some time in June! Always welcoming fresh songs, both new & old, so do throw some recommendations if any!

Watched Divergent in the theatres some time last week, really love the movie it’s so, inspiring in some ways. Dauntless, this word has escalated its meaning through the movie & it really serves as a timely reminder to step out of our comfort zones & not be bounded by facades of what we think we should do for a safe & comfortable life. Because sometimes, that leap of faith is important, to expose ourselves to something waaay bigger than before, or rather enlightenment to a whole new aspect of life that we never imagined could have existed. Can’t wait for the movies of Insurgent & Allegiant to be out, & no doubt these 3 books are in my iBooks already hee, really good reads!

It’s the long-awaited summer break but I’m still tied down/busy with things so, till the next time! x