Runaway

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Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t,

and believe that everything happens for a reason.

If you get a chance, take it.

If it changes your life, let it. 

Nobody said that it’d be easy, 

They just promised it’d be worth it.

Spent my time just now listening to all of Avril’s songs – both from old & present. Seriously can’t wait for her 6th album to be released (hopefully next year), because her songs are so therapeutic & just mean so much to me. No matter what other singers/artistes there are out there, Avril Lavigne’s position in my heart is irreplaceable :”) Proud to be a Little Black Star since primary school, wouldn’t trade spending my childhood listening to her songs for any other.

It’s quite a coincidence how the topic of trust pops out randomly again these days … so interesting listening to the different perspectives/advice from people I confide in. Don’t know why I did that in the first place but I’m glad I did. Everyone needs a little breather some time, so I’m genuinely thankful for the chances/platforms where I got to rant. But it doesn’t change the fact that it makes me feel guilty/burdenful towards those I talk to. 

Headed down to IMH yesterday morning for their volunteer orientation programme, it was so insightful & reaffirms my passions for the field of psychology & volunteering. As cliche as it sounds, it’s really about helping the people you can help to the best of your abilities, & making a difference. I’m positive with each volunteering experience comes great insights, hopefully being able to shape myself into becoming a better person! May it be a wonderful & meaningful journey of volunteering ahead.

Went back to hwach with the clique for MAF yesterday :’) Really miss hanging out daily at the CT bench, walking around or just chilling at random places & doing stupid stuff during break times. I miss randomly doodling on A’s paper etc (haha best tablemate ever really), or playing navigation with hierarchy tier mate. JC may or may not have been the best time of my life, but it definitely became better with the presence of my awesome clique. Without them, I think I wouldn’t be where I am today, really.

I kind of miss the tradition of celebrating MAF actually … I remember how we used to head to playgrounds with lanterns (either the electronic ones or the candle-lit ones), with a box of candles & just lighting them up to form shapes on the ground. If growing up means losing all these precious moments & little joys in life, then I’d rather time rewind & not move forward ahead.

I’m thankful for certain friendships in my life. Old or new, they all mean a lot to me, more than words can ever express, so thank you for the constants in my life. I guess the number of years attached to a friendship just reaffirms it, but even if it’s new friendships made recently, who says it can’t last for a lifetime? :’)

So much to do yet so little time, feeling so stressed out I’m not even kidding … but I’ll have faith. This is the last day of August, so till the next time we meet again in September x

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Puzzle

Image

There comes a time when you have to choose between

turning the page or closing the book.

This choice is heavy & may scare you,

But it’s your choice.

What do you want?

 

And you had me at that inevitable beginning, you had me the moment you walked through the door. It’s the inside jokes and bits & pieces of anecdotes that would make perfect sense to no one but you. It’s all of these nuisances – the accumulation of innate snippets that lead me straight to your bait and hook. I don’t know why it matters, or why your presence and absence is more poignant than the rest. Maybe it’s the fact that we didn’t say goodbye but see you later.

And when the soon meets the later and my wants outweigh the fear, maybe then I will speak up. Maybe then I will know. Because you are alive and real, right here, right now, in my mind’s little cinema, where I see you in colors that don’t exist.

 

Ridiculous nostalgia

It’s 2.12am and I should prolly get to bed soon … but I’m not even sleepy. Don’t even know what I’m doing now staying up in an attempt to study (but failing very badly). Can’t help but to keep getting distracted here and there ugh |: Maybe I’ll do up a proper post later in the day if I’m free.

And I wanted to post something. But I can’t remember what I wanted to post. But I just thought of it a few seconds ago. My memory is failing me ): Ugh I hate it when I’m unable to recall stuff like that. And this temporary memory block thing is happening waaaaay too often these days ):

On a happy note, it’s just one day left to MAF I am so excited yey ex-hwach people see y’all around go for MAF okay it will be memorable for sure. Really can’t wait to meet my hierarchy babes + 7G, felt like I haven’t seen them in a million years and I miss them so much already ):

AND I REMEMBERED WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT YEY. As of 12 September 2013, I guess everything was finalised. Glad I made the decision, hope I will hold on to what I believe in for so long and … please don’t make me regret that decision. Now I’m really looking forward to it, life ahead please be exciting and kind to me alright (: It took courage to go for it, considering all the complications tied in etc. And yet I’m so glad that I’m not alone in this, and it’s a mega huge bonus to have one of my best friends to be in it with me. It means a lot, you have no idea at all how much difference it makes. Hence I’m really really happy now (:

Okay I can’t believe I took that long to type these few words, I can’t think properly at a time like this LOL whoops. I think I’m gon regret staying up when the fatigue kicks in later but … who cares right. It’s 2.19am, time to hit the books again okay I suddenly seem so studious yey (it’s nothing but a facade). Suddenly recalled of the times my friends called me mugger shiao when I clearly wasn’t one – maybe it was sarcasm HAHA.

Interesting fact of the day/night: my close friends like to call me shiao. And I like to be called shiao, I don’t know why. But it sounds nice. Even though it can refer to both me & my sis.

Another interesting fact of the day/night: I just realised/recalled that my sis calls me shiao too. Maybe everytime I think she’s talking to me, she’s actually talking to herself.

Last interesting fact of the day/night: I’m guessing you (yes you who’s reading this now) are just facepalming and LOLing at the rubbish I just typed.

2.22am and I shall end this highly incoherent post here, nights in advance

x

Heart by heart

 

Shall do a quick post up! Currently waiting for mummy to fetch me from school … chilling @ The Deck alone since Huimin left for her RP. Had psych e-learning tutorial discussion, it was awkward initially since the few of us in our discussion group didn’t know each other at first, but it got better I guess (: Overall it was a really interesting discussion, the topic of sensory illusions is so interesting (:

Downloaded a song just approximately 4 days ago, and the play count is at 285 (and counting) right now. It’s the movie soundtrack of The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. It’s a movie I will definitely want to catch some time soon, and I downloaded the e-book series already hee started on the first book and yes it seems super interesting. Can’t wait to continue reading, but I really need to start planning and regulating my timing properly hmm. I was supposed to make good use of this e-learning week  but I haven’t done much so far. Hopefully it will get more productive as the days go by, or I know I will regret hmm. Okay back to the song. I think the song is super nice, Heart by Heart – Demi Lovato.

When you’re with the one you were meant to find
Everything falls in place, all the stars align
When you’re touched by the cloud that has touched your soul
Don’t let go
Someone comes into your life
It’s like they’ve been in your life forever

Mega love the lyrics + I know I will never get tired of listening to this song over and over again (: On a sidenote … Avril’s new album is finally going to be released – the long wait is over YEY can’t wait to download her latest album the songs are all so promising (evidently from the two singles released earlier this year)! Mega huge Avril Lavigne fan if you didn’t already know, loving her songs since primary school days. It has been a looooong time (:

Just 3 more days and it’s back to Hwach for MAF 2013, no words can explain how excited I am for it, the countdown is killing me can time just hurry fast forward to Saturday ): I miss my JC friends so much + it will be a good chance to see juniors & catch up with them (: Sighpie hurry hurry okay maybe I should just be super engrossed in mugging/completing assignments in these 3 days and time will fly quickly (does it even work this way). I am so troubled by psych & soci mid term assignments ugh ): I’ll start working on them tonight, I promise.

 

Maybe someday I should compile a book of things that I’ll never say. Thoughts etc, it scares me how much thoughts are left unsaid – now that I think about it. I wonder how different my life will turn out if I was more daring in certain aspects hmm. Whatever ugh, time can’t undo and I can’t rewrite the past … not like the present is any better now actually. But I’m learning, learning to adapt, learning how to get over certain things. And to stop thinking about certain things too those thoughts kill me like no other ugh ): 

We can hide things away. But we can’t forget.

This is so true ): And that’s why I’m feeling so miserable and all right now. Anyway last night/the past few nights have been dedicated to talking/listening to one of my friends and her stories … it made me have many realisations. They all just dawned upon me etc, I shan’t reveal too much here but I would say it was definitely worth the time and late nights, somehow amidst listening to her pour out all her inner feelings & troubles, made me sort my thoughts properly too. Confused, yet I think I get and know what direction I want things to head to. I don’t know if I’m making sense at all, this is so hard to pen down into words. But no matter what, I’ll get over it, I’ll shut all ’em stupid thoughts up, and just let fate decide everything. 

It’s not cliched to believe in fate, right? I really believe in fate, I believe in destiny & all that stuff. Someday, everything will turn out to be perfect in my life. I know it will, I just need to have the faith. Shall end my post here, I’m running out of sane thoughts already maybe another post tonight or tomorrow or I don’t know whenever I feel like it k bye bye bye

P.S. I love snapchatting my babes I swear they send the most amount of entertainment via all ’em stupid pictures/videos

 

And you know my heart by heart x

Bits and pieces

 

I don’t like how easily my feelings/emotions/mood change with things. It’s so vulnerable now such that small little things will mean so much, and on the reverse = affect me so much as well. Since when did I allow myself to be put in such a position ): I really don’t like it at all, how do I get rid of this ): ugh fml stupid thoughts screw you go away bye bye bye.

Anyway … I realised I need to um, be more mature. My actions/the way I present myself in front of my uni friends is just unacceptable in a sense that I’m probably too lame/childish & totally not acting like my age. I really need to start maintaining hahah okay I think/hope this will naturally die down since I am too stressed out by everything I won’t be in the mood to joke around anymore. Turning 19 in 3 months & 2 days’ time, I know I’ll miss being 18 for sure.

And …. I need to start getting my directions around NUS right ): It’s insane how bad my sense of direction is (to think I used to be from Guides LOL) … but NUS/FASS is really like a huuuuuge maze. 4 years later I hope I will be able to walk to LTs/tutorial classrooms/laboratories without the help of signs, although it’s highly unlikely given my current state ): Oh anyway, NUS flooded today, mainly at KR MRT area + FOS. The pictures circulating around are really hilarious but … sad for the students/lecturers who suffered ‘cos of the flood |: Please don’t flood tmr thanks my one and only lesson is at FOS LOL.

Currently plugged in and listening to the Mugging Playlist that I created – purely made out of nothing but English songs (: So therapeutic really. #nowplaying If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet? – Mayday Parade. Love this song so much, and the irony is that this insane long title doesn’t appear a single time in the song lyrics LOL. But I still love this song all the same (: And admit it, the title’s pretty cool.

When you hear this chorus/ do you miss the way the world was spinning for us/
do you hurt the way that I do/ after all this time you leave me broken/
this song is every word I left unspoken/ when you hear this girl I’m hoping/
that you think of us

It’s past midnight so it’s officially just 8 more freaking days to Hwach MAF (: I never looked forward to any Hwach event as much as I am currently anticipating 14 Sept … it’s insane how much I miss my dearest Hierarchy tier babes ): And I get reminded of them everytime I see the word Hierarchy in Sociology (it appears so damn often it’s killing me x__x) So nostalgic about everything and anything, even the studying system in Hwach ‘cos it isn’t as stressful as uni life LOL.

#achievementunlocked this morning because I woke up at 6.45am just to complete my soci tutorial LOL. It is the earliest I have woken for school in these 4 weeks of official uni life + I haven’t woken up this early just to do work since mugging-for-A’s days -__- 

Kind of made a decision, but it hinges on one more factor. Hope everything gets confirmed soon, I just don’t have the courage to step back in alone. That thought just scares me too much, yet I know how badly/really want to commit myself to it sigh. Still confused/conflicted, I hate this feeling ):

Too distracted or anything to continue posting (hence I shall postpone my 20 facts yet again whoops) k bye bye sleep early people sleep is nice it makes you sane

Sleeping is always good. While you are sleeping, you don’t have to think about how miserable your life is.But then you wake up and there it is all over again. Your miserable life.

 

x

So much for my happy ending

 

Hello September please be a good month ahead unlike your friends January to July ): August has been pretty much okay with orientation into uni & stuff, new friends made yet I’m still really nostalgic over the past & missing ’em friends damn badly, even up till now. It just gets worse everyday not being able to see the usual bunch of crazy insane hierarchy babes in school |: 

Anyway I am too lazy to continue typing so hee proper post up tmr or some other day when I’m feeling less lazy/more hardworking! Excited at the possibility of something tmr … I hope it all works out yey (:

Time to go finish up the 239407109823 pieces of work waiting for me now …. x fingers please September don’t be a bitch

 

 

x

These secrets are walls that keep us alone

 

Because mine are ): I really don’t like how my thoughts seem to have a way of its own – even my subconscious has one on its own as well ugh. Maybe it will be better if I learnt how to lucid dream … so I can control who does & doesn’t appear in my dreams. These few days have been killing me, I can’t even explain why I’m feeling this way and such anymore.

During psych tutorial today, we had the debate of monism vs. dualism. After all the discussion I think I’m more towards supporting the idea of dualism? Such issues are so intriguing, it’s interesting to listen to the different perspectives that people have, and the concepts of such ideas (: After all, everything boils down to the matter of perspectives.

Really enjoy the company I have in psych tut as well, Huimin & Daryll are such entertaining tutorial mates for psych. Looking forward to week 7, when we will have our next psych tutorial (feels like it’s such a long time later lol).

We were told to introduce our friends during psych tutorial, instead of us introducing ourselves. So I introduced Huimin, Huimin introduced Daryll, and Daryll introduced me. It was … amusing ‘cos we said lame stuff for each other. Anyway the introduction made me question myself again – “Why are you interested in taking psychology, and what are your intended careers/ambitions that you have?”

To be honest … I didn’t say the entire truth about why I am interested in taking psychology. And I guess nobody will ever know the actual reason hmm, it’s just something more personal. For those who know me long enough, they know I’ve been wanting to pursue a career/degree in psychology since forever. And certain issues that happened along the way in my 18 years of life thus far has affirmed my decision. So now all I can do is to hope for the best, and really get to major in psychology after sem 2 (:

Sociology lecture today was so interesting as well ‘cos Huimin allowed me to vandalise her lecture notes hee. Thank you Huimin (although I don’t think you’d ever see this hahah), I will do all the random doodles on foolscap paper instead from next lecture onwards, so we can add colour to the doodlings & draw even more whee (: Thanks for being such a great sport & being so chill about everything. Thankful to have made such a great friend in uni, and it leads back to how grateful I am to be in A4 Aiumph. Missing that whole awesome bunch of people still, it feels good to see them along corridors etc.

And of course one of the major highlights of the week ….. 11S7G MINI GATHERING @ NUS (: So initially it was just ’em NUS people from 7G + Hanxin who’s flying off to UCLA soon. What came as a total surprise was …. the girls from NTU came as well (although Yumin & Belinda weren’t there sigh). I swear the moment I found out that my dearest hierarchy tier mate was coming and I could see her in real life (and not via Snapchat or whatever), I was so elated I could cry buckets of tears I’m not even kidding. I really really really miss JC clique so much ): Thank you to: Amanda Sheryin Songyang Yueqi Jingwen Yingxin Enying Hanxin, for such a memorable night on 27 Aug ’13.

It felt so great just sitting at Town Green & catching up about how we’re all suffering/dying/sian of uni already LOL. And sharing different stories etc, and all the reminiscing. The meetup wasn’t long enough – but then again no amount of time would have been enough. The feeling of parting after the meetup sucked so much ): ‘cos the next time we can all meet again will prolly be 14 sept – Hwach MAF. I’m counting down to the days, really can’t wait for MAF to come, and we will all be reunited once again (: Because nobody can steal that spot reserved in my heart for the special people in my life.

28 Aug’s so many people’s birthday. Shoutout to: Zining + Meishan + Junhao, happy 17th/19th/21st birthday respectively! May school/life be good for all of you, and hope y’all had an enjoyable birthday. (Isn’t it cool I just realised their all 2 years apart #randomobservation)

Can’t wait to get through the week, meeting Meina on Friday for lunch @ Hwang’s, so excited whee seriously the best angel ever who I can be lame/high/trust her with my secrets etc.

 

Really have a thing for vintage-ish stuff I don’t know why, just appeals to me somehow (: Anyway … Sudden addiction to Snapchat all over again. People out there if you have Snapchat please Snapchat me/add me! It keeps me entertained/form of stress relief. And I should prolly head back to hitting the books my life is so mundane now I hate it ugh k bye

 

x