Breathe

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breathe.
whatever you’re doing right now.
take a deep breath, then another.
you are so beautiful.
has anyone told you that lately?
and there’s something more important.
you’re strong.
sometimes it feels like you’re not.
maybe even most of the time.
but please don’t ever forget.
you’re stronger than you know.
every day, you wake up. no matter what. no matter what you’re gone through,
you wake up in the morning, take a second & appreciate that.
after all these years, you still have hope.
maybe it’s buried inside you.
maybe that sounds ridiculous.
but you keep going every goddamn day.
and that makes you incredible.
but breathe today, breathe right now.
sometimes things are too much.
and I want you to know that’s okay.
there will be times when you want to break down & cry,
times when you want to fall asleep and never ever wake up again.
that doesn’t make you weak.
it makes you human.
and that’s beautiful, too.
after all that you’ve  been through, you can still feel.
never underestimate that.
because you know what that means?
there’s hope.
it means that you’ll feel love & happiness.
it means you’ll feel pride & joy.
it means you’re still alive, but more than that,
it means you’re still living.
stay strong.
stay beautiful.
never stop feeling.

but sometimes, just breathe.

x

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Dreams

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It’s amazing. Some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changed the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don’t know it, it still happens.

She changed to be cold, so that no one could hurt her.

x

Silent words

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The stupid thing about anger is how people hurt you and then you let them keep hurting you by being angry about how they originally hurt you. It’s a vicious cycle.

This above quote aptly sums up my emotions recently, & I find myself having more random outbursts in whatsapp/text messages to the few closest friends. Kind of feeling like a burden to my friends, everyone has their own problems etc to handle but I really need platforms to vent my frustrations or else I’ll prolly go insane at this rate by keeping it all in. So sincerely thankful you guys bother to listen to me as I rant repeatedly like some crazy girl! Appreciate all the attempts at cooling me down that evening though, these friends are still the best yey thank you you guys know who you are :’)

Anyway … hello endlessparadigm this is a (supposedly) proper update since midterms are over!!! Concluded Y1S2 midterms with social psych midterms on Friday. It was a shitty paper because so many stuff that didn’t appear in the textbook got tested so … many foreign terms that I have never encountered before in my life HAHA ah well at least it’s over! And I tried my best, so no regrets 🙂 May the the bell curve be in my favour (for once LOL). Before the paper, prof showed us examples of past children’s story books that seniors did, really excited to get started on it because it could possibly be the most interesting/memorable project in my uni life!

Went to KAP today with (part of) 11S7G! (: Visiting it because it’s going to be demolished soon … that place holds waaay to many memories, dating all the way back to 2007, where being in NYGH started the frequent trips/outing to KAP! Kind of sad as it is a relatively representative place in my schooling memories, but then again those memories will be etched in my mind. And what’s more, it’s the people who created those memories that matter (: Took the chance to catch up with friends as well, so excited to meet them again soooon. These are the people who keep my crazy life a little more sane.

This post seems so scattered but I’m really just typing whatever that comes to my mind first so yup hee. Oh yes supported my dearest hierarchy babe @ NTU Choir Concert on 2 March ’14, so proud of her, and glad that I attended the concert! Because it’s the first time I see her dancing AND doing martial arts, not to mention her solo/duet for Under The Sea! It was a really engaging & interesting concert, kudos to NTU Choir, & good job to both SY & JW who performed! Went to taka before the concert with YM, and we spent most of our time in Kino HAHA. After debating with myself for such a long time + advice from friends, I finally got my hands on a copy of L&M by Lang Leav! *o* Not really a poetry kind of person but the poems in L&M just get to me so easily, this is definitely a book that I’ll cherish for a long long time hee. It was a fulfilling shopping trip to Kino for both YM & me, so yay to us! *pops confetti*

Oh yes & all the best to everyone who still has midterm papers/quizzes etc! I feel like a slacker as compared to my friends now since my papers are over whoooops. I’ll buck up soon! But first lemme enjoy for a while more hee really can’t wait for this coming fri it’s gon be TGIF again :’)

Our culture says that feelings of love,

Are the basis of actions of love.

And of course that can be true.

But it is truer to say

That actions of love,

Can lead consistently 

To feelings of love.

 

I must mention: Thank you to the friends who know their limits of what (not) to say/do x

Time changes everyone

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Stop looking at the past and all the things you can’t change. They’re done and over with. Now is the time for you to look to the future, grasp it by the hand, and decide where you want to go.

Today is an awesome day so it deserves a post! Had social psych paper presentation/re-enactment this morning, thankful it went pretty well, with minimum hiccups here & there. Overall, felt like it was a decent presentation, although we were waaay under time. But hey, let’s just say we’re efficient that way HAHA (who am I kidding). Thank you to all my friends who wished me all the luck they could give me, & all the random chats etc during these few days. All the small actions mean a lot to me, I’m a person with many emotions, I realised – In a way where I tend to be more sensitive to little actions etc, that others might or might not see.

Can’t believe that we managed to put up the presentation in such a short span of time, so proud of ourselves really. First official meetup last Friday, came up with the script + slides over the weekend, met up for 2 hours on Monday for re-enactment rehearsal, and we did our actual presentation this morning. Not only does this mark my first presentation this sem, it also marks my first presentation in my uni life (as mentioned before), so it really meant a lot to me. Grateful for my group members who make things less awkward, that we’re able to freely talk to each other etc, & open up so we will feel comfortable around each other. Mega excited for our final major social psych project, I foresee all the fun, laughter & what-nots already :’)

On a sidenote, I think I laugh too easily, & I laugh at things that people don’t really find funny hmm. Not sure if this is a good thing or not, but it’s so weird how sometimes I’m laughing so hard yet the rest aren’t able to empathise with how I feel/laugh along with me ): And I think I really need to start acting like I’m 19-turning-20 this year. Growing up, I’ve imagined how mature people turn when they hit/are going to hit the 20s, but evidently I still don’t behave like I’m a young adult right now hee. I’ll try, I promise! To the best of my abilities.

Downloaded a few more books into my phone, I have no idea why I am still downloading them when I have approximately 10 books waiting in line to be read. It’s more of like “stocking up”, after all reading on the phone is an efficient way to some extent hee (: And … I finally managed to find the PDF for Lang Leav’s Love & Misadventures *o* I’ve been trying to find it for days/weeks/months, and I finally.found.it. Imagine my happiness omg, I really love all the poems/quotes in Love & Misadventures, & I’ll try to get my hands on a copy someday. Because such books are definitely worth keeping for a long long time, all the quotes inside are so tumblr worthy & apt (to a certain extent).

I need time, personal time to catch up on everything I’ve been lagging behind. Be it catching up with friends about our lives, downloading & listening to my favorite songs, watching my dramas (like YWCFTS, PLL & Survivor), or just enjoying some peace & quietness alone. But time is never on our side, and time/timing can be a bitch too. Go figure. Alright I really should continue with my marketing assignment since it’s due … tomorrow. NO FINISH NO SLEEP, YOU CAN DO IT SHIAOWEI.

(Before I end this post) I am really mega super duper excited for Avril Lavigne’s concert in Singapore in … 3 days’ time *o* Literally grew up listening to her songs since I was 8 y-o, her songs are my inspiration. Shall end this post with a quote from one of my faves from Avril Lavigne (though I must stress that ALL songs are awesome) x

It doesn’t matter what we do

you make everything seem brighter

I never knew I needed you

Like a sad time needs a sea of lighters

 

What is it I’m feeling?

‘Cause I can’t let it go

If seeing is believing,

then I already know

 

I’m falling fast, 

I hope this lasts,

I’m falling hard for you.