The Great Escape

tumblr_mw866rJQOh1rx1hxmo1_400

Sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

Feeling guilty for neglecting endlessparadigm but school has been really tiring/busy, hence the lack of updates. Taking the time now to review on the first few weeks since 2015 has started! Finally managing to catch a breather despite the growing pile of backlog that I’ve accumulated in the mere 4 weeks of school.

Officially began Y2S2 as a Psychology major, and ‘am reading quite a few interesting modules this semester (though they drive me crazy at times). Hoping for the semester to be a fulfilling one in terms of academics! Timetable is relatively okay, at least I’m satisfied with it apart from Tuesdays on even weeks which are simply h e l l. But I’ll get through it, the pains & sacrifices for better days in the week is ultimately worth it.

Sis turned 21 a few days ago on 1 Feb, happy (belated) 21st sis! ♥♥♥ It has been a good 21 years (and counting) being sisters, and somehow we still continue to amaze people around us about how we are born in the same year yet aren’t twins haha. Thankful for the sis to be there through different phases of my life, be it my lowest or highest moments. Definitely looking forward to more sister-times & late night chats & (currently) spazzing over the Song triplets together these days :’)

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest steps of your life. Tip toe if you must – but take the step.

Earlier in January I made the decision to apply for Proj C.A.N. XII OC, in hopes of enriching my volunteering journey in NUS CSC by extending it beyond RVPs – and officially venturing into SPs as well. Thankful for the chance to be the sectreas, and ‘am pretty excited to meet the OC during our first meeting, hoping that socially awkward me will be able to survive it though haha. At least I’ll be camping behind my laptop furiously typing minutes so it’ll help alleviate some awkwardness in me (hopefully)!

During my interview, I got asked the primary question that all volunteers will probably come across at least once in their lives:

What does volunteerism mean to you?

Honestly felt that my answer during the interview wasn’t able to perfectly encapsulate the thoughts that I have pertaining to this question because of how nervous I was haha. Volunteerism is something that should come from your heart, and not for the sake of superficiality – for it will not only be detrimental to yourself, but your beneficiaries as well. Volunteerism is seen when you contribute your time & effort in various ways, even if it’s just spending time with your beneficiaries, without expecting any personal returns or gains, apart from satisfaction and happiness within. Volunteerism means to befriend your beneficiaries, getting to know them for who they really are, being able to see past the possible disadvantages they may have in their lives. Nobody is perfect, we might just  be slightly more privileged than others out in society, hence affording to render our services to alleviate their lives, be it in terms of physical items or simply inculcating values etc. Volunteerism shouldn’t be seen as something that’s noble or whatsoever, it shouldn’t be something that you choose to do just because you have some time to spare. Volunteerism should be nothing but sincerity, it should be something innate, where you don’t feel compelled or pressurized to do whatever you do. Because volunteering means as much to me as the importance of people understanding the spirit of volunteerism. So this, is what volunteerism means to me :’)

Visited Lola’s Cafe yesterday for the first time with A & Y! Haven’t had much time to indulge in cafe hopping, so I was really glad for the much needed midweek break that really served its purpose to recharge me (: Explored Sengkang area, and despite it being my playground when I was waaaay younger, I had little recollection of the area. As usual, spazzed like crazy girls at the void deck after collecting our Infinite H Fly Again albums with my fellow Inspirit hee. Can’t believe that it has been a good 2 years since I first did the whole “spazz at void deck while opening our albums/posters” things for Infinite H’s debut album :’) Congratulations to Infinite H for securing their first win as a subunit, may there be many more of such happy moments to come in the near future!

Thank you for all the belated presents for my 20th back in December last year, thoughtful well wishes/messages really mean a lot to me! And I realised that I’ve received 5 soft toy related presents … I guess that says something about how I should really try to grow up but whoooops I love them all haha they bring me comfort :’) Defo need to blog about this original quote from one of my best friends (you know who you are) in my birthday letter, just because you know how much of a sucker I am for quotes! So for remembrance’s sake:

Friends are like the weather, be it rain or shine, they would always be there for you.

I guess it’s time to head back to studying while waiting for my next lesson … can’t wait for lessons to end today, because it will yet again signify the end of the academic week! Thank goodness for free day Fridays, it makes my weekend seem so long (especially since my lecture on Monday starts at 6pm only) HAHA. Time to pick up the pace, determined to make things the best yet.

tumblr_nj0v5wb2Xk1tiyj7vo1_400

In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are. And in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn’t be the person we are. So just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories. But never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you’re going.

Till the next time, I’ll try to be more diligent in updating hee till then x

P.S. So excited for Avril Lavigne to release her Give You What You Like MV on 21 Feb, as well as dropping her new single Fly!!

Advertisements

2014

tumblr_nh54w8pdhe1s90n2jo1_500

Happy NYE everyone! This post will be the first since I turned 20. And this post will be the last of 2014. Taking some time to type & reflect on the year, guess it’s sort of a review post of how life has been in 2014 🙂 Disclaimer: It’s really long & boring, but I choose to document all of it down for myself, as a keepsake memory. It has been a tough yet interesting journey thus far, and I’m thankful that it’s going to be over soon, for 2015 will definitely be filled with even more fun, excitement and challenges that I (hope I can and) will conquer 🙂

tumblr_ngvy29HzJc1r238sko1_400

Life as a psychology undergraduate in NUS

2014 marks the final sem of being a year 1, and proceeding on as a year 2 in uni. School hasn’t been easy on me, or perhaps I’m just a student inferior to others. But I truly enjoy what I study, and it’s nice to see the fruits of my hard labor in the results received recently – albeit not fantastic or impressive, but an improvement is all it takes to convince myself that it’s worth it. In 2014, I took modules that interest me the most (social + abnormal psychology). And this affirmed my dream of reading psychology :’)

Social psych taught me social skills & know-hows in daily interactions, it made me (slightly) more sensitive to people’s behaviors. I guess this is why people assume that psychologists can read minds, though it’s really more of just being more observant in certain things that others tend to neglect. Whatever it is, I still have a looong way to go 🙂

Abnormal psychology taught me the art of empathy, yet at the same time to be less judgmental. It’s really important that we do not label people with disorders as “the person with depression” or whatsoever, but to accept & view them as who they are, for they are only humans who are less fortunate than others to be diagnosed with psychological disorders. And I finally got the chance to visit IMH through my course of study, which makes me really grateful 🙂 It has provided me with fresh insights & what-nots, definitely will continue to volunteer @ IMH if I have the chance!

Overall, despite the hectic schedules as an undergraduate, where I experienced my first double 8am lectures in uni (which I will avoid to the best of my abilities from now on), it has been a fulfilling year in terms of studies 🙂

tumblr_nh5a3ojRKB1rmw0cso1_400

Life as a volunteer in CSC

2014 marks the year where I officially involved myself in volunteering once again, after a one-year hiatus in 2013. The first major event was the Adventure Camp held in June. Planning for the camp while rendering my services as the Secretary in the committee taught me loads of things, especially since this is the first time I’ve planned for a camp that’s held in Pulau Ubin. A foreign location naturally brings about more difficulties & uncertainties, but the camp made me revisit Guiding skills that I’ve missed, which makes me really happy because it brought back fond memories of Guiding with the pitching of tents & firelighting for outdoor cooking 🙂

Then came the biggest decision I’ve made in 2014 – accepting the role of Vice Chairperson of Youth Rangers. It was a really tough choice & I was in a constant debate between acceptance & rejection of the role, for I wasn’t sure if I could handle the responsibilities that came with the title. After consulting & considering the various advice from friends, I decided to give it a try. I don’t regret the choice, albeit knowing that perhaps there might be someone out there who has better capabilities for this role. Because this choice has ultimately shaped & steered my volunteering journey to a different one – one that is more meaningful than all the volunteering experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

Being the VC has its pros and cons. For one, I’m really glad to have been given this opportunity, & it has led me to meet an awesome RVP Team AY14/15, especially the other Children/Youth sector chairpersons 🙂 It has also allowed me to be more involved in the behind-the-scenes of volunteering, ranging from planning of events to attending countless meetings & gaining new insights from other fellow chairpersons. I can’t emphasize how much importance volunteering takes in my heart, and it’s so so important to me that people volunteer because they have the genuine passion & heart to do so. It’s obvious when their reasons for volunteering are otherwise, but sometimes I choose not to say anything because well, it’s their choice, and as long as they don’t jeopardize anything, I guess I’m not in the position to judge or whatsoever.

I foresee changes in the future, in YR, and I’m hoping for the changes to be a good one. Since I officially accepted my certificate of appointment on 4 Sept 2014, I promise to make the best out of this AY, as the VC of YR. May things be smooth sailing from now on, and I’m confident to say that I’m no longer who I was in the past. The volunteering experience thus far has shaped me greatly and I’m thankful for that.

It’s really so heartwarming to see the youths acknowledging & being happy because of our presence & commitments, the fun & enjoyment that they display during sessions are what drives me to continue pushing on even if it’s a tough time ahead. Because as long as we have impacted & made a difference in contributing to the lives of our youths, I know that all the hard work is more than worth it 🙂

Apart from YR, I’ve semi-involved myself as a volunteer in GAW during the wish adoption + party phases 🙂 I had the opportunity to learn basic Braille during a workshop @ iC2 Prephouse, it was a really eye-opening experience! Attended 2 GAW Parties (iC2 Prephouse + BSS), and I’ve learnt a lot from both parties. Interacting with children of different backgrounds, with children who have slight disabilities in terms of sight, it really made me feel much more humble while seeing the amount they had to offer despite all the setbacks going on in their lives.

One semester left as a member of YR Comm, & I’m going to make sure things get better, and that it’s the best yet. Looking forward to the continuation of rendering my services in CSC, as volunteering continues to play a significant role in my journey to self-discovery & fulfillment! 🙂

tumblr_nfazgpcFOa1rs8w78o1_400

Life as a tourist in Korea

This is definitely one of the highlights of 2014. My first independent 15-day holiday trip overseas with friends! Thank you to the best travelling buddies I could ever ask for, I really love how our travelling styles & preferences etc all complement each other so well, and that the trip concluded so memorably without any arguments or whatsoever. I had the best time of my life in Korea, and am already looking forward to future trips together with this awesome bunch! In these 15 days, I’ve been to Jeju + Seoul, and it was a really interesting experience.

Hobo-ed at Incheon Airport overnight for the first time in my life, and it was such a historical moment where we coincidentally managed to meet various k-idols (including our bias group INFINITE!!!!) while hobo-ing overnight. What a pleasant surprise it was, I’ll never forget how it felt omg :’) Aaaand I met my bias Dongwoo’s parents by visiting their family restaurant! Thank you my dearest friends for scheduling that into our triip & not giving up despite getting lost for a while in an attempt to find the restaurant (there was even a slight drizzle)! It was simply … magical HAHA. Conversing with Dongwoo’s dad, and him being so enthusiastic about taking a picture with us that he even made sure that Dongwoo’s poster will be captured in the picture! And Dongwoo’s mom personally feeding us (although the spicy octopus really made me have legit tears), such awesome fan service that his parents gave to fans (especially since they knew we were not local fans but international fans!) I’ll definitely head back to their family restaurant the next time I go to Korea, and sincerely appreciate the warm hospitality that they served us with!

From randomly following this rookie group at Myeongdong whom we initially didn’t know of (and subsequently found out they were B.I.G.), to all the crazy shopping & fun times in Jeju/Seoul, thank you to Yumin, Sheryin & Amanda for the memorable Korea trip 🙂 Here’s to more #guesswhatadventures to come in the future!

tumblr_nh5maxScuP1t1oh41o1_500

Life as a music fanatic

In 2014, I attended 2 concerts! Avril Lavigne Live in Singapore 2014 on 15 Feb, and The Red Tour by Taylor Swift on 12 June.

After being a Black Star since primary school days, I finally got to enjoy Avril Lavigne’s concert live for the first time ever! Made sure to get the best tickets with the best view, and saying that Avril is awesome irl is a major understatement omg. Can’t wait for her next album to be out, since it has been almost 2 years since she released her fifth self-titled studio album. Her sincerity & confidence in her performance really deserves the utmost admiration from all her black stars indeed, may her songs continue to serve as my therapy in the future! Taylor Swift was incredible live as well, and her stage performances & entertainment level is insane. Thankful to have gotten the chance to attend both concerts this year 🙂

I’m hoping for Lana Del Rey to come for a tour in Singapore in the future! Her album Ultraviolence released earlier this year has been on replay for the longest time ever, there’s just something about the songs by Lana Del Rey that is so addictive.

Infinite released 2 albums this year, Season 2 + Season 2 Repackage, and both albums are nicely sitting on my shelf hee. Infinite songs are definitely my favorite in Kpop, and Last Romeo + Back (both of their title tracks this year) literally blew my mind away. I really love how much sincerity they put in each of their performances on stage, where they actually sing live despite their dance being really tough & energy draining. Definitely going to continue supporting Infinite by being their loyal Inspirit! It has been said that Infinite H will be having a comeback in January, Infinite in February, and Sunggyu with his second solo album some time next year. Hence, I foresee 2015 being an awesome year for Infinite already, may all their group/unit/solo comebacks be successful! 🙂

Amidst all the songs from specific singers, I’m glad to have stumbled upon loads of other random English songs with lyrics that resonate deeply within me, that I can relate to, and that are applicable for different moods etc.

tumblr_nffy3752qb1spnyg9o1_400

Life as who I am

In 2014, I’ve learnt a lot and gained loads of valuable experience, to continue shaping my future for who I’m meant to be. One recurring topic is undoubtedly “friends”, as I realized how people seem to loosely classify (& I used to be guilty of that as well) acquaintances as friends. This year, I’ve realized who my true friends are, who are the friends meant to stick around, and who aren’t the sincere ones. This year, I had the chance of several friendships resurfacing, from years ago. And I’m really glad it happened, because it does feel good & reassuring to be able to reminisce & share freely about things, to people who were once in my life (and have re-entered thankfully).

Lost friendships might be hard to revive, but for what’s it worth, the effort put in by both parties will definitely keep it going. I really like how it isn’t awkward at all despite losing contact for years 🙂 I guess this goes to show the genuine core of what friendship should entail 🙂

And I’m more than grateful to those whom I’ve been talking on a regular/daily basis. No need for mentions, you guys know who you are. Thank you for tolerating all the nonsense & enduring all my rants/frustrations etc. It hasn’t been easy, I’m sure of that, but thanks for sticking around :’) It means so much to me. Old is gold indeed, I wouldn’t trade you guys for any other, not now not ever.

Living life as a 19 y-o and turning 20 so so recently, I’ve grown to notice the amount of independence needed in my life. Things aren’t the same as what they were when I was young, safe in my comfort zone & protected from all ’em unpleasant happenings. But this is a learning & growing process. As we make mistakes, we learn from them, we rebound, and get back up stronger than before.

This year continued to touch me with endearing birthday wishes/messages, all of which I read well & will hold the words close to my heart :’) Thank you for all the birthday wishes/dedications, spending time to meet me & what-nots, planning surprises, and all the handwritten birthday letters! For I’m still old-fashioned when it comes to this, but handwritten letters really hold so much significance than any other. So thank you to everyone and yes, I’m finally 20! 🙂

tumblr_nfkwcaiolL1shcqiqo1_400

May 2015 be a better year for everyone, with less tragedies happening & more happiness spread throughout. Going to make a 2015 new year resolution since I’m turning 21 next year, but probably not going to post it up since it’s more private haha. First two weeks of 2015 really packed & hence ensuring that the beginning of 2015 will be a blast, may it be a meaningful & insightful year ahead, where everyone gets what they wish/aim for :’) Put behind whatever unhappiness or grudges incurred in 2014, and welcome 2015 with a fresh start, an open mind, and a hopeful heart!

With this, I conclude my final post on endlessparadigm in 2014. Till the next time we meet, in 2015 x

20152015, bring it on. I’m ready.

Wings

tumblr_n3cu7jtv2n1svb9fpo1_400

Lights go down
In the moment we’re lost & found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
Damn these walls
In the moment we’re ten feet tall
And how you told me after it all
We’d remember tonight
For the rest of our lives

It’s approaching 4 in the morning and I’m not even close to being done with my last assignment for the semester, before I embark on the arduous mugging journey for the remaining days leading up to finals. Hoping for an increase in productivity & completion of this assignment before it’s due at 6pm on Sunday.

The last official day of lessons for the semester is officially over 🙂 Not too pleasantly it had to end with cog psych test, but I guess it went well. Hoping for a decent score & placing on the bell curve, but then again luck has never been on my side. Anywaaaay, this semester has been a really … interesting/fruitful one? There were many changes/new introductions in my life, and I’m still trying to cope with everything that’s going on. Many thoughts about this semester, both academically & non-academically, will definitely blog about the first semester as a year 2 undergraduate soon!

Back to the assignment, till the next time x

These secrets are walls that keep us alone

 

Because mine are ): I really don’t like how my thoughts seem to have a way of its own – even my subconscious has one on its own as well ugh. Maybe it will be better if I learnt how to lucid dream … so I can control who does & doesn’t appear in my dreams. These few days have been killing me, I can’t even explain why I’m feeling this way and such anymore.

During psych tutorial today, we had the debate of monism vs. dualism. After all the discussion I think I’m more towards supporting the idea of dualism? Such issues are so intriguing, it’s interesting to listen to the different perspectives that people have, and the concepts of such ideas (: After all, everything boils down to the matter of perspectives.

Really enjoy the company I have in psych tut as well, Huimin & Daryll are such entertaining tutorial mates for psych. Looking forward to week 7, when we will have our next psych tutorial (feels like it’s such a long time later lol).

We were told to introduce our friends during psych tutorial, instead of us introducing ourselves. So I introduced Huimin, Huimin introduced Daryll, and Daryll introduced me. It was … amusing ‘cos we said lame stuff for each other. Anyway the introduction made me question myself again – “Why are you interested in taking psychology, and what are your intended careers/ambitions that you have?”

To be honest … I didn’t say the entire truth about why I am interested in taking psychology. And I guess nobody will ever know the actual reason hmm, it’s just something more personal. For those who know me long enough, they know I’ve been wanting to pursue a career/degree in psychology since forever. And certain issues that happened along the way in my 18 years of life thus far has affirmed my decision. So now all I can do is to hope for the best, and really get to major in psychology after sem 2 (:

Sociology lecture today was so interesting as well ‘cos Huimin allowed me to vandalise her lecture notes hee. Thank you Huimin (although I don’t think you’d ever see this hahah), I will do all the random doodles on foolscap paper instead from next lecture onwards, so we can add colour to the doodlings & draw even more whee (: Thanks for being such a great sport & being so chill about everything. Thankful to have made such a great friend in uni, and it leads back to how grateful I am to be in A4 Aiumph. Missing that whole awesome bunch of people still, it feels good to see them along corridors etc.

And of course one of the major highlights of the week ….. 11S7G MINI GATHERING @ NUS (: So initially it was just ’em NUS people from 7G + Hanxin who’s flying off to UCLA soon. What came as a total surprise was …. the girls from NTU came as well (although Yumin & Belinda weren’t there sigh). I swear the moment I found out that my dearest hierarchy tier mate was coming and I could see her in real life (and not via Snapchat or whatever), I was so elated I could cry buckets of tears I’m not even kidding. I really really really miss JC clique so much ): Thank you to: Amanda Sheryin Songyang Yueqi Jingwen Yingxin Enying Hanxin, for such a memorable night on 27 Aug ’13.

It felt so great just sitting at Town Green & catching up about how we’re all suffering/dying/sian of uni already LOL. And sharing different stories etc, and all the reminiscing. The meetup wasn’t long enough – but then again no amount of time would have been enough. The feeling of parting after the meetup sucked so much ): ‘cos the next time we can all meet again will prolly be 14 sept – Hwach MAF. I’m counting down to the days, really can’t wait for MAF to come, and we will all be reunited once again (: Because nobody can steal that spot reserved in my heart for the special people in my life.

28 Aug’s so many people’s birthday. Shoutout to: Zining + Meishan + Junhao, happy 17th/19th/21st birthday respectively! May school/life be good for all of you, and hope y’all had an enjoyable birthday. (Isn’t it cool I just realised their all 2 years apart #randomobservation)

Can’t wait to get through the week, meeting Meina on Friday for lunch @ Hwang’s, so excited whee seriously the best angel ever who I can be lame/high/trust her with my secrets etc.

 

Really have a thing for vintage-ish stuff I don’t know why, just appeals to me somehow (: Anyway … Sudden addiction to Snapchat all over again. People out there if you have Snapchat please Snapchat me/add me! It keeps me entertained/form of stress relief. And I should prolly head back to hitting the books my life is so mundane now I hate it ugh k bye

 

x