Escapism

tumblr_mxpzbm5lws1qjj4npo1_400

Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.Β – Emery Allen

Reminder to self. For what it’s worth, perhaps distancing earlier would be beneficial for others. The last thing I’d want is for progress to be impeded due to my presence . . . because ultimately, sacrifices have to be made, and I’d rather make the first move of separation. Call it being nice, or call it being selfish, I’ve gone through enough to know when to let go to prevent further upsets. I’m honestly tired this time. I’m tired of being conflicted between trying & walking away, so this time, let me be selfish and choose the latter.

“Week 13 already!!!” It’s gonna be an intense & crazy studying period ahead but let’s survive & look forward to placement in the summer πŸ™‚ Skeptical of my abilities to performΒ as a Social Work student, but excited to learn from the experience hee. Pretty excited for all others on first placement too, it’ll be so fulfilling for all of us & listening from each other’s journey during placement! It’ll be a busy summer ahead with different commitments to juggle but . . . with faith & passion we’ll conquer it all.

I’ve grown to realise that situations beyond your control are far worse than situations that you can have an impact on. When you’re caught in a situation where you’re rendered useless, all you can feel is helplessness & despair. When no amount of worrying or crying can salvage anything, when you feel like the whole world has turned against you. Through this, I’ve learnt that I tend to escape from problems that I should be facing, though living in denial can only last for a short period of time. When reality slaps me in the face after, it’ll hurt a million times more, and I’m not sure if I can take it any longer.

Hmm anyway, ‘ve been listening to Hebe’s songs quite frequently, which is surprising given that I rarely listen to Chinese songs haha. Love the style & lyrics of her songs, it provides a blanket of comfort for times like these. But anyway, looking forward to song recommendations so please recommend if any (esp English songs hehe)!

Some of the greatest battles will be fought within the silent chambers of your own soul.

Till the next time x

Advertisements

Enigma

tumblr_n9rqdh7Ejm1rr6og1o1_400

Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.

I think I’m suffering from post-C.A.N. syndrome (mildly), this is quite ridiculous haha. It still feels so surreal that Project C.A.N. has ended (or at least the official phases are over), just several loose ends to tie up. It has been an amazing experience in the past few months, and I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my summer any other way, if given the chance to restart summer of 2015 all over again. It was undeniably hectic, but more than worth it. I’ll miss the crazy van rides & all the manual labour, getting shocked/sian when the lights at Storhub went off after 15 minutes, all the inside jokes, fun & laughter. The friendships forged through Project C.A.N. are those tagged along with precious memories, which I’ll keep close to my heart πŸ™‚ So, so bittersweet now that it’s over.

A close friend asked me this a few days back, “which was the best day of your whole C.A.N. experience?” And I answered 26 July, without any hesitation. 26 July was the day I joined Project C.A.N. for, right from the very beginning. To have allowed myself to go through the whole planning process, and finally witnessing the fruits of our labour during Distribute. Really happy to have gotten my friends volunteer alongside me on 26 July. They have been the ones listening to my rants, always checking up on my mental well-being throughout the past months, and being so understanding about my frequent absence/last-minute cancellations of plans. Hence it meant so, so much for them to actually participate in an event that had such a huge significance to me πŸ™‚ Glad that it exceeded their expectations, and personally thankful for how willing they were to interact with the beneficiaries.

Started off Distribute with an uncertainty lingering, because of the 10-15 issue. But having experienced it for myself on Sunday, I’m glad for that leap of faith taken, for people who supported the idea, and for those who didn’t – they still allowed us to venture into taking that risk. At least it all went well πŸ™‚ Personally enjoyed all the interactions with the beneficiaries, and yet at the same time, it was so disheartening to hear their stories – because there’s just that limit we can do for them. Albeit having this one-off event to perhaps alleviate their situation temporarily, what most of them really need is the intangible time spent with them.

It’s that fuzzy indescribable feeling in the heart upon leaving each beneficiaries’ house, witnessing their smiles with that tinge of sadness tagged along to it, feeling the warmth from their hands as they held onto, and reassuringly patted on my own hands; these moments are the motivating factors of why I chose to volunteer in the first place. I wish there were more things we could have done for them, to be able to spend even more time just enjoying their company, as much as they enjoy ours. Sharing stories, listening to how nostalgic they are over their past, and telling them that it’s okay, as long as they lived a happy & contented life, it’s more than enough :’)

Project C.A.N. XII might have had its ups & downs throughout the entire journey, but I’m glad it ended on a really, really good note. I’ll definitely miss everything, all of these, that constituted a meaningful summer πŸ™‚

tumblr_ni4sw6hvE11sulnzno1_400

Time passes slowly when you’re young, and quickens as you get old. Summer lasted forever when I was seven, but now it only visits. When I was seven the days had more hours than I had use for, and the distance between sun up and down again was a vast & lazy sprawl; now, when I look back, things seem to have happened with the most hectic and startling speed. The weeks & months have seeped into each other and become a span without feature & detail, riddled with cavernous holes.

This summer feels like some journey to self-discovery as well, to test my limits & boundaries, and to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone. Made pretty crazy choices which I wouldn’t look back or regret, because everything happens for a reason πŸ™‚ With everything that happened this summer, I’ve grown from my experiences as a whole, and (hopefully) became more mature hee. I know that I’m still lacking in many areas, but slowly, one step at a time, I’ll learn to conquer them and turn these weaknesses into strengths.

& maybe someday, you’d realise how thankful I am for your presence in my life; how inspirational/important you’ve been to me in this journey.

Soon, this chapter of my life will close, only to embrace the next chapter ahead πŸ™‚ x

Souls

tumblr_ngrk6mcpcz1qdlf3do1_400

This is how you lose her.

You lose her when you forget to remember the little things that mean the world to her: the sincerity in a stranger’s voice during a trip to the grocery, the delight of finding something lost or forgotten like a sticker from when she was five, the selflessness of a child giving a part of his meal to another, the scent of new books in the store, the surprise short but honest notes she tucks in her journal and others you could only see if you look closely.

You must remember when she forgets.

You lose her when you don’t notice that she notices everything about you: your use of the proper punctuation that tells her continuation rather than finality, your silence when you’re about to ask a question but you think anything you’re about to say to her would be silly, your mindless humming when it is too quiet, your handwriting when you sign your name in blank sheets of paper, your muted laughter when you are trying to be polite, and more and more of what you are, which you don’t even know about yourself, because she pays attention.

She remembers when you forget.

You lose her for every second you make her feel less and less of the beauty that she is. When you make her feel that she is replaceable. She wants to feel cherished. When you make her feel that you are fleeting. She wants you to stay. When you make her feel inadequate. She wants to know that she is enough and does not need to change for you, nor for anyone else because she is she and she is beautiful, kind and good.

You must learn her.

You must know the reason why she is silent. You must trace her weakest spots. You must write to her. You must remind her that you are there. You must know how long it takes for her to give up. You must be there to hold her when she is about to.

You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept.

And, this is how you keep her.

(cr: tumblr)