Remedy

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I think one of my favourite feelings is laughing with someone and realizing halfway through, how much you enjoy them and their existence.

We’re all pieces of the same ever-changing puzzle; some connected for mere seconds, some connected for life, some connected through knowledge, some through belief, some through love, and some connected with no explanation at all. Yet, as spiritual beings having a human experience, we’re all here for the sensations this reality or illusion has to offer. The best anyone can hope for is the right to be able to live, learn, and love. After which, reap the benefits of their own chosen existence in the hereafter, by virtue of simply believing in what they believe.

The past few days have been nothing but hectic & stressful, albeit fun & meaningful. But sometimes, everything just seems to get too tough to handle. Sometimes, all I want is to be able to step aside and take a break from all these, to really have some time to clear my mind and not have to worry about anything. And yet these become wishful thinking, and I know for certain it’s almost impossible. After all, this is reality, and any second wasted would render rushed times in the near future. Which would then lead to more stress, thus forming a vicious cycle that I won’t be able to step out from.

And yet, the past few days have showed me the importance of friends, the importance of daring to open up, the importance of not putting up a strong front any longer. Nothing touches me more than having people willing to sacrifice their time for me, to just listen to whatever I have to say. These little gestures mean a lot to me, and as much as I suck at showing my thankfulness, I really do appreciate such actions a lot. And I’ve learnt, or rather try to convince myself, that it’s okay not to be okay; where mistakes should serve nothing more than a learning process, rather than having guilt of wrong decisions overwhelm me more than it should.

I’ve realized that looking backwards only hinders growth. Because the more time you spend in solitude, the more you look back to everything that once seemed so right, yet seems so wrong now. The wrong moves, the wrong decisions. You loved with everything and you hurt with everything; it’s how you operate. Yet, you’re okay. Eventually, you’re okay. You live, you’re happy, and you finally move on. But it’s alright to be slightly bitter & hurt while attempting to mature. It’s all very confusing and unfair at times, but it’s no longer your loss nor your mystery to solve.

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We are like strangers, who started to know each other better, bit by bit.

Till the next time x

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Beautiful Stranger

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Like most misery, it started with apparent happiness.

I think one of the saddest things is when two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favorite things, what they hate, what they love, literally everything; and then they go back to being strangers. It’s like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.

But it hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone, the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain.

For what it’s worth, I sincerely hope the better of things to come around soon. Because it hurts, to hurt. And ironically, it hurts even more, for trying to let go. I’m a mess of unfinished thoughts, and it scares me.

Remember yourself as a little girl, she is counting on you to protect her.

Till the next time x