Silent words

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The stupid thing about anger is how people hurt you and then you let them keep hurting you by being angry about how they originally hurt you. It’s a vicious cycle.

This above quote aptly sums up my emotions recently, & I find myself having more random outbursts in whatsapp/text messages to the few closest friends. Kind of feeling like a burden to my friends, everyone has their own problems etc to handle but I really need platforms to vent my frustrations or else I’ll prolly go insane at this rate by keeping it all in. So sincerely thankful you guys bother to listen to me as I rant repeatedly like some crazy girl! Appreciate all the attempts at cooling me down that evening though, these friends are still the best yey thank you you guys know who you are :’)

Anyway … hello endlessparadigm this is a (supposedly) proper update since midterms are over!!! Concluded Y1S2 midterms with social psych midterms on Friday. It was a shitty paper because so many stuff that didn’t appear in the textbook got tested so … many foreign terms that I have never encountered before in my life HAHA ah well at least it’s over! And I tried my best, so no regrets 🙂 May the the bell curve be in my favour (for once LOL). Before the paper, prof showed us examples of past children’s story books that seniors did, really excited to get started on it because it could possibly be the most interesting/memorable project in my uni life!

Went to KAP today with (part of) 11S7G! (: Visiting it because it’s going to be demolished soon … that place holds waaay to many memories, dating all the way back to 2007, where being in NYGH started the frequent trips/outing to KAP! Kind of sad as it is a relatively representative place in my schooling memories, but then again those memories will be etched in my mind. And what’s more, it’s the people who created those memories that matter (: Took the chance to catch up with friends as well, so excited to meet them again soooon. These are the people who keep my crazy life a little more sane.

This post seems so scattered but I’m really just typing whatever that comes to my mind first so yup hee. Oh yes supported my dearest hierarchy babe @ NTU Choir Concert on 2 March ’14, so proud of her, and glad that I attended the concert! Because it’s the first time I see her dancing AND doing martial arts, not to mention her solo/duet for Under The Sea! It was a really engaging & interesting concert, kudos to NTU Choir, & good job to both SY & JW who performed! Went to taka before the concert with YM, and we spent most of our time in Kino HAHA. After debating with myself for such a long time + advice from friends, I finally got my hands on a copy of L&M by Lang Leav! *o* Not really a poetry kind of person but the poems in L&M just get to me so easily, this is definitely a book that I’ll cherish for a long long time hee. It was a fulfilling shopping trip to Kino for both YM & me, so yay to us! *pops confetti*

Oh yes & all the best to everyone who still has midterm papers/quizzes etc! I feel like a slacker as compared to my friends now since my papers are over whoooops. I’ll buck up soon! But first lemme enjoy for a while more hee really can’t wait for this coming fri it’s gon be TGIF again :’)

Our culture says that feelings of love,

Are the basis of actions of love.

And of course that can be true.

But it is truer to say

That actions of love,

Can lead consistently 

To feelings of love.

 

I must mention: Thank you to the friends who know their limits of what (not) to say/do x

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Happy 19th

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HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY AMANDA ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“Friends are hard to find. In a lifetime you only get a few. And when you find them, you always know them by sight and heart alone, you always grow a bit taller in your soul, and you know you have been blessed just to know them.”

5 years (& counting) of friendship, countless number of insane moments, so many secrets she has guarded well for me, and all of these make this friendship such an important one for me. Classmates from sec 3 to J2 straight, uni life really really sucks (& still not used to) without having this insane girl around. Especially since I’m so used to having random chats/doodles on her paper during boring lessons – perks of having such an entertaining tablepartner (:

Being in different faculties now & having much less meetups due to conflicting + busy schedules, still thankful that we’re still close enough to dare to be crazy. And hopefully our friendship will stay true & strong (: Shan’t say too much here, everything I need to say is in the text/birthday letter.

Happy 19th birthday Amanda, may your birthday be a memorable one ^^ December babies ftw.

So so thankful for the presence of this girl in my life, I don’t know where to start to count my blessings from x

From, To

I know the title of my post seems really weird/doesn’t make any sense. But it’s something that I saw on Tumblr that I really want to share because it was just like … whoa it made me so damn speechless when I saw it. Bittersweet sad post in just a few mere sentences.

Two months into our relationship you once asked me how much I loved you and I just said “From here”.

You didn’t get it and you got mad and you thought I was just playing around.

 

Breaking up after almost 2 years being together, I sent you a message 6 months later saying “To here.”

 

You still didn’t get it.

)’: It’s such a bitter feeling.

And this is basically what I’ve been doing these few days – Burying my head in books after books, notes after notes, mugging for finals. Honestly don’t except myself to get a good CAP this sem, I’m just hoping for decent grades enough to get me by. And I’ll repent & be a good girl from next sem onwards I promise! Since I somehow earned a reputation of constantly ponning lectures this sem … but some lectures are really a waste of time AND can be self-studied so I don’t see the point in being physically present, especially since there’s webcast as well. Not to mention the long travelling time from home to school, and then back home, that’s so much precious time wasted. Hence, ponning lectures is justifiable (who am I kidding). Next sem, I’ll be a good girl.

Remember my previous post about Avril Lavigne & how I wish that she’d come to SG for a concert? The morning after I wrote that post – my dream came TRUE. 5 Nov 2013, I woke up at approx 10am learning that Avril Lavigne is having her concert 15 Feb 2014 *o* And that the tickets have started selling since 9am (!!) So yes … I finally got my hands on 2 Cat-1 tickets, imagine the pure bliss & excitement that I experienced that morning (‘: 5 Nov 2013 was supposed to be a nostalgic day since it was the 1-month mark since then. But I’m glad this sudden surprise of Avril’s concert tided me through that entire day I was literally all smiles & what-not (:

Avril Lavigne Live in Singapore 2014 – Rawesome Tour

How good does that sound ^^ My tickets arrived in the mail a couple of days ago, keeping them safe because I’ll just kill myself if I lose them. So damn glad for a dream-come-true, just imagine seeing Avril Lavigne in real life, and most importantly getting to listen to her sing live omg I can’t contain my excitement *o* 

Oh yes and JIN made her debut on 8 Nov 2013, her debut song Gone is currently on replay (click on the title to watch the MV!) It’s so nice, the MV was so touching, the ending was so bittersweet :’) Just some background info for those who aren’t familiar, JIN debut as a solo artist for now, but she will officially debut & promote as a member of Woollim’s Girl Group early next year, alongside Baby Soul, Ji Ae, and a few other girls. Both Baby Soul & Ji Ae have made their solo debut, and JIN is the last girl from Woollim’s Girl Group to get to have a solo debut! JIN’s vocals are soooo good (just like Baby Soul) and a plus point is that JIN is so pretty omg. 

See what I mean? Really looking forward to Woollim’s Girl Group debut early next year (coupled with INFINITE’s comeback after their World Tour ends early next year as well). Have some reservations about Woolim’s Girl Group because of certain reasons but … I’ll hold my comments till their debut (: Really hope they won’t disappoint – after all Woolliment doesn’t disappoint, their artistes are awesome this way hee. Love the (translated) lyrics for Gone as well, I’m a sucker for bittersweet songs/lyrics.

In the place where we were together

In those moments where we could have walked together

I’m holding onto myself alone

In this place, even our future, my wishes have stopped

I’m standing here and you are gone

 

I’m sorry for the incoherent post but I’m just really typing whatever that comes to my mind hee.

Snapchat is awesome. Mega love my regular Snapchat buddies who never fail to make my day (several times) with ’em insane Snapchats (‘: Coincidentally, these are the people who keep me going every single day. Those whom I trust in my life, those whom I rely on so so so much for everything & anything. Play hard, work hard. It’ll ultimately be worth it, eventually.

Last thing before I end my post & head back to conquering Linear alg (wish me luck Lab Quiz in a few days ugh matlab … sucks). CLB is allowing overnight study, basically it’s open 24/7, should I should I? I’m the kind who can’t concentrate at home I end up doing useless stuff/ things not related to academics like updating endlessparadigm *coughs*. And studying in central library AND studying at night really makes me waaay more productive. Said this many times before, I’m not a morning/daytime person. My productivity rate shoots up at night as long as I get over the sleepy phase! Considering overnight study, anyone interested to join me?

Finals start in 16 days, PRESS ON. And it’s time to study go go jiayou don’t give up not now not ever (:

x

Heart to Heart

lookbookdotnu:WHITE BRAIDS (by Nesairah Nesstyle)

It’s funny how sometimes all we needed was a line from a song, a quote from a book or movie,

to realize how we really feel;

and all we needed was a smile from a friendly stranger, a good cup of tea, a walk in the rain, an old song,

to briefly put us back together;

before we fall apart all over again.

UPDATE. Midterms are over, well they were over yesterday AND I wanted to update but … I got thrown back into a primitive life due to the fire that broke out at a Singtel building yesterday afternoon ): It was horrible, I had “No Service” for 99.9% of my time at home, it was as though I was cut off from the rest of the world (I might be exaggerating but stilllll), even my house telephone line + TV wasn’t working. Glad that it is back to normal now, I don’t think I can take another night of a primitive life. Sidenote, I should really stop being so reliant on electronic gadgets ESPECIALLY my phone but … I can’t help it ): 

Okay. Back to midterms. Screwed up some, some were okay, overall I’m just like hmm … I survived and I’m so glad I did. Tried my best so, I’ll accept whatever results that come. May the bell curve save me and let me do well, or at least decent for my midterms. After all it’s the first “official” exams in my uni life, and I want to have a good start, or else everything might just start spiraling downwards ): And I definitely have to work harder in order to pursue my dream of majoring in psych, hence I will start to put in more effort in studying & really concentrate on my studies if I can!! 

5,875,200 seconds.
97,920 minutes.
1632 hours.
68 days.

That was how long it lasted, and albeit the choice of ending everything today, I think it has actually been a good experience thus far. And thank you to the friends who accompanied me along this entire insane “journey”, with all the intellectual ramblings/nonsense from me. I don’t think I would have survived without the exclusive few of you, so really thank you so so much. I’m learning, I’ll become more mature in terms of you-know-what.

 

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise, maybe this will let me concentrate & focus on more important things in life (: Once again, sincerely thank you to the few of you, you know who you are, no mention of names needed, all your actions & support, I’ll keep safely in my heart. After being freed from all my thoughts now I think I feel better, I feel alright. I like that. And I hope it stays (:

Alright enough about that matter hmm. Still kind of suffering from PCD, and PCD is actually legit omg I totally did not know it was a real syndrome till Qijin told us. All the symptoms & everything tally, it’s like whoa literally legit stuff how cool is that. Random bits of reminiscing about OGSSG with ’em fellow Inspirits, and talking about all the past varieties etc, having random bouts of exclaims, oogling at pictures/gifs etc, feels good to know that I’m not alone in this. Promises made to go for Infinite concert the next time they come back. No matter how many years later it might be, it will be worth the wait. With the awesome group of company that I call my Inspirits family (‘:

Shall stop my post here, many other stuff to settle & get my life back on track now that midterms are over and life officially resumes proper. Today made me realize how blessed I am to have people around me whom I won’t hesitate to call true friends, because their actions prove it to be that way. I can never say this enough, but thank you so so so much.

 

x