Destroyed

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Don’t blink, time goes by way too fast.

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Γ‰loigne

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Life can teach you so much in such a short amount of time, and that’s just what the last few weeks have done for me.- CirinoΒ 

Today, I witnessed these two Primary school boys being rowdy & disruptive on the bus, scolding vulgarities all too frequently, and cursing at every other thing they see.

Today, I saw this young boy throwing a tantrum and getting his mom to eventually piggy-back him, even though she looked so tired and uncomfortable doing so.

These made me so upset . . . and momentarily, I lost faith in humanity.

Today, I walked past so many happy faces, taking photos with their friends and/or department sign, they must be thankful forΒ the friendships forged throughout their undergraduate days.

Today, I saw this elderly uncle make way for a total stranger to enter the bus first, and how he wished the bus driver a good day after.

At least, these are signs that not all hope is lost πŸ™‚

Enigma

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Sometimes beautiful things come into our lives out of nowhere. We can’t always understand them, but we have to trust in them. I know you want to question everything, but sometimes it pays to just have a little faith.

I think I’m suffering from post-C.A.N. syndrome (mildly), this is quite ridiculous haha. It still feels so surreal that Project C.A.N. has ended (or at least the official phases are over), just several loose ends to tie up. It has been an amazing experience in the past few months, and I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my summer any other way, if given the chance to restart summer of 2015 all over again. It was undeniably hectic, but more than worth it. I’ll miss the crazy van rides & all the manual labour, getting shocked/sian when the lights at Storhub went off after 15 minutes, all the inside jokes, fun & laughter. The friendships forged through Project C.A.N. are those tagged along with precious memories, which I’ll keep close to my heart πŸ™‚ So, so bittersweet now that it’s over.

A close friend asked me this a few days back, “which was the best day of your whole C.A.N. experience?” And I answered 26 July, without any hesitation. 26 July was the day I joined Project C.A.N. for, right from the very beginning. To have allowed myself to go through the whole planning process, and finally witnessing the fruits of our labour during Distribute. Really happy to have gotten my friends volunteer alongside me on 26 July. They have been the ones listening to my rants, always checking up on my mental well-being throughout the past months, and being so understanding about my frequent absence/last-minute cancellations of plans. Hence it meant so, so much for them to actually participate in an event that had such a huge significance to me πŸ™‚ Glad that it exceeded their expectations, and personally thankful for how willing they were to interact with the beneficiaries.

Started off Distribute with an uncertainty lingering, because of the 10-15 issue. But having experienced it for myself on Sunday, I’m glad for that leap of faith taken, for people who supported the idea, and for those who didn’t – they still allowed us to venture into taking that risk. At least it all went well πŸ™‚ Personally enjoyed all the interactions with the beneficiaries, and yet at the same time, it was so disheartening to hear their stories – because there’s just that limit we can do for them. Albeit having this one-off event to perhaps alleviate their situation temporarily, what most of them really need is the intangible time spent with them.

It’s that fuzzy indescribable feeling in the heart upon leaving each beneficiaries’ house, witnessing their smiles with that tinge of sadness tagged along to it, feeling the warmth from their hands as they held onto, and reassuringly patted on my own hands; these moments are the motivating factors of why I chose to volunteer in the first place. I wish there were more things we could have done for them, to be able to spend even more time just enjoying their company, as much as they enjoy ours. Sharing stories, listening to how nostalgic they are over their past, and telling them that it’s okay, as long as they lived a happy & contented life, it’s more than enough :’)

Project C.A.N. XII might have had its ups & downs throughout the entire journey, but I’m glad it ended on a really, really good note. I’ll definitely miss everything, all of these, that constituted a meaningful summer πŸ™‚

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Time passes slowly when you’re young, and quickens as you get old. Summer lasted forever when I was seven, but now it only visits. When I was seven the days had more hours than I had use for, and the distance between sun up and down again was a vast & lazy sprawl; now, when I look back, things seem to have happened with the most hectic and startling speed. The weeks & months have seeped into each other and become a span without feature & detail, riddled with cavernous holes.

This summer feels like some journey to self-discovery as well, to test my limits & boundaries, and to challenge myself to step out of my comfort zone. Made pretty crazy choices which I wouldn’t look back or regret, because everything happens for a reason πŸ™‚ With everything that happened this summer, I’ve grown from my experiences as a whole, and (hopefully) became more mature hee. I know that I’m still lacking in many areas, but slowly, one step at a time, I’ll learn to conquer them and turn these weaknesses into strengths.

& maybe someday, you’d realise how thankful I am for your presence in my life; how inspirational/important you’ve been to me in this journey.

Soon, this chapter of my life will close, only to embrace the next chapter ahead πŸ™‚ x

Tree of Life

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Life is too short. Stop spending time with the wrong people.
Stop spending time with people who suck the happiness out of you.
If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.
You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.

Never, ever stay with the person that continuously overlooks your worth.
Remember, it’s not the person that stands by your side when you’re at your best,
but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst.

The past few days have been better, so thankful for random snippets of conversations in my life that takes away the fatigue/tiredness from current issues faced. Trying to stay optimistic, to reaffirm certain thoughts, while taking things in stride & handling them one at a time. So, so thankful for people who’re willing to make time for me πŸ™‚

I’m a happy girl today because I finally got to meet my youths again yaaaay. And a bonus to have met my ex-youth, the only person who’d never fail to crash into me with a hug whenever we meet πŸ™‚ It’s really about witnessing their growth throughout the months/year that makes regular volunteering such a meaningful one. Mentored 3 youths today, so glad that they’re really participative & starting to contribute more in discussions as compared to last time.

Today’s workshop was on Authenticity, which is so apt for situations faced these days. The importance of being real & sincere, to show your true self and not wear masks over masks. Drew our Tree of Life, which was something that I found to be really meaningful. Starting with the roots, which represent our childhood & past influences; followed by the trunk, which represents our skills & abilities; and lastly the fruits, which represent hopes, dreams & wishes πŸ™‚ While getting to learn more about the aspiring dreams our youths have (and being really proud of them), it was a good chance to self-reflect as well. Hoping for my personal Tree of Life to continue growing as time passes πŸ™‚

Posted this intriguing thought before some time ago, and shall post it again now:

Isn’t it ironic how people are more willing to show their true selves when anonymity is ensured by hiding behind a mask?Β 

And yet, when you show your true self, it might only cause people to steer clear of you – for there exists a clash in personalities. To what extent should you wear your mask, to what extent should you show your true feelings & emotions? As much as it’s tiring to constantly wear different masks in different situations, it gets upsetting when your real self isn’t accepted.

Whatever it is, I still hold true to my belief that it’s important to treat everyone equally (as much as possible), and not make prior judgments before you really get to know the person for who they are. Take things heard with a pinch of salt, and do not blindly accept whatever that’s rumoured. I’m still trying, still learning, to be a better person.

Shall end this seemingly incoherent post with a quote that our social workers shared to end the session today:

Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

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And today marked the first regular session our incoming committee attended. After seeing their interactions with our youths during the session today, I know for sure that YR is going to be safe in good hands for the approaching AY. So grateful, so thankful, yet so bittersweet about everything. May it be an amazing journey ahead for them, as it has been for me in the past year πŸ™‚

Alright till the next time x