Amnesia

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Song to recommend: Heroine – Dwntwn, got to love this track right from the very start. Definitely going to check out more songs from Dwntwn when I’m more freed up! Spent my time downloading a total of 61 new songs yesterday into my iTunes haha like f i n a l l y omg.

No time for a proper post but, just wanna say these few days have been good so I’m really thankful ūüôā To those who are facing tough times right now & feel like things aren’t getting anywhere, always remember:

The moment when you’re about to give up, is generally a moment right before a miracle happens.

Till the next time x

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Shots

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Sometimes you just need to cry & be sad.
You need to break down & be torn apart.
You need to learn to pick yourself up & put yourself back together.
Sometimes, the only way to be happy is to give into sadness first,
because without sadness, there is no happiness; you would never learn to smile.

The long-awaited recess week is FINALLY here! So here I am, after deciding to update endlessparadigm proper instead of the previous few short ones. Indulgence at its best these few days, evidentlyyyy.

Recess week started off really well (: Spent last Saturday at committee bonding session/outing, where we headed to Safra Toa Payoh for bowling session, before going to Raffles City/Marina Square/Suntec City … for llaollao & to shop around! Retail therapy is ALWAYS the best, although it’s hard to control spending (but I did!). Guilty pleasure in the form of materialistic items, it’s good to indulge once in a while hee. Hoping for more comm bonding opportunities in the future, this bunch of people are really awesome & such, it’s going to be an interesting academic year ahead, & I foresee reluctance to step down after this AY actually haha but okaaaaay I’ll cherish whatever time there is with the comm (: Everyone is so vastly different from each other, but I’m really hoping that we will all fall nicely together like puzzle pieces.

Sunday was a pretty … nostalgic one? Because it’s the last tuition session that I have with Char before her PSLE papers! Can’t believe that it has been more than a year since I started being her tuition teacher, it’s amazing how much we have progressed & the amount of rapport built in my term of teaching. There’s just this innocence in primary school kids that cannot be found in youths/teenagers/young adults/adults these days … somewhere along the way, in the process of growing up, this innocence just gets buried within. I’m definitely going to miss having 4h-long sessions with her every weekend, where along the way she’d share with me bits & pieces of her school life & what-nots. I feel really heartened whenever she shares such stuff with me because she’s definitely not obliged to, but her doing so shows the trust she has in me, & that she genuinely doesn’t mind sharing such info with me (: Rapport is really, really important. Might be tutoring her for secondary school work, shall see how it goes! I’ll cherish the loom bracelet & charm that she made for me as a teachers’ day gift, so so touched by these little actions :’) & she was really happy when she received the muji stuff I got for her as a farewell-cum-PSLE-encouragement gift hee. Little joys in lifeee, it can be in the form of such simplicity (‘:

Monday was insane. Mugging session with study buddy A! Decided to camp at CLB from 10am to 9pm haha, it was quite a productive session & I definitely use my phone waaaay less than when I’m studying at home & stuff. So it’s a good first step! Enjoy studying with A a lot since … secondary school days? & I really love mugging at CLB 3rd floor, it has been my safe haven since Y1S1, and definitely gonna continue to study there whenever the opportunity arises. Looking forward to the upcoming study sessions, in the meantime enjoy your trip & stay safe alright! x

Todaaaaaay. RVP Mass Meeting fom 10-1pm, & mentoring session from 4.30-9pm. So so tired, but damn worth it. Hmm so during RVP Mass Meeting, we wrote a letter to ourselves! On what we hope to achieve as a RVP chairperson + committee member + volunteer + ourselves. I find such things really meaningful, tried it before on my OCIP Cambodia team & felt like it worked out pretty well! Hoping that I’ll be able to fulfill whatever I penned down in the letter to myself, dated 23 Sept 2014. Perhaps I’ll post my letter up in a review post of my term as a member of YR in the future, shall see how it goes! Mentoring session today was an eye-opener. Mentored a new girl today, and I could say I felt the genuine pride & happiness upon each question she answered correctly :’) These youths are my happy little pills, the reason for me to pull through each hectic day of the week so as to meet them on our usual Tuesday evenings :’) As mentors, we indeed, have a lot to offer to the youths; but I sincerely believe that the youths have so much more to offer to us as well, and I can see (& witness) the potential in each & every one of them. So I hope that none of them will ever give up on themselves, because for one, I will NEVER give up on them (‘: Thank you youths, for allowing me to gain new insights & perspectives after each mentoring session. I love how overwhelmed with emotions & thoughts I feel after each session (in a good way of course), to the extent that attempting to pen down my thoughts are restricting my encapsulation of feelings. One thing’s for sure, I’m never giving up volunteering in my life :’) It’s waaaay too important to me.

Hmm so that’s for my daily updates … yup. Anyway these few days have made me see many things in different perspectives (yet again), & I think it’s really amusing/funny how you try to hard at all these futile attempts because I simply won’t acknowledge them anymore. Continue to try, but all I’m going to say is that the joke’s on you, because I’m not affected at all. Or at least I won’t show you I am. In this game of life, I won’t be the loser unless I deem so.

On a sidenote, crossing my fingers that things will be … okay. Don’t exactly wanna cross paths with you anymore though it seems inevitable so, hoping for the best. Because I don’t think I can take a second round of all that has happened in the past any longer yup. Really, really worried but I don’t want this to burden me anymore like it did last time. & I don’t exactly want my world to start crashing down again, now that it just started to get back on track.

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Got tagged to do the 20 facts about me, prolly will post it up soon! I really should stop all the late nights it’s getting unhealthy albeit not taking a toll on my physical health (as of now), despite the frequent headaches/migraines though I’m kind of used to them already haha.

Can’t believe I just typed such a long post! Till the next time x

Whispers Untold

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We write in darkness. We love in alleys. We breathe into beige paper bags. Anything to mollify the confusion. Anything to simplify the math. I am beset, even by rest. And when I close my eyes, the world is still macaronic. I feel for the wolf about to be trapped in the landfill. I feel for the crab about to scamper  from the net. I feel for humanity when the brightness of sick knowledge falls from exorbitant air. But remedies abound. There’s a remedy for everything. And a remedy for every remedy. 

Life has been pretty much alright on average hee. Was feeling down a while ago, & yet the recent meetups have been the best remedy. It just makes me instantaneously better, worry-free, and felt like everything was … peaceful? And that everything just felt so right & that life was heading the right way. Can’t express how important I cherish physical meetups, because occasional outings definitely serve a deeper purpose than communicating via texts all day long. But of course the daily conversations are therapeutic in a different sense & I’m not complaining about those at all (albeit my mum having issues with me being on my phone so often whooops).¬†

Can’t wait for the 15-day getaway to Korea in July! It feels so surreal this getaway is occurring in 25 days … to think we started the countdown from 91 days! In the blink of an eye, we will be off to Korea already hee. But first, these few remaining weeks will be busy since it’s pretty much filled up like craaaaazy. Busy, tiring, yet meaningful & definitely worth it. Already looking forward to more meet-ups, perks of summer break yaaaay (:

Anyway just wanted to post some thoughts hmm. Feels rather ironic how I realise you’re trying to get the attention, and yet I’m blatantly … ignoring. Subtly, but surely. Because it’s kind of pointless, it doesn’t mean anything to me so I’m not going to put on a facade & entertain whatever you’re saying. To put it bluntly, it’s a waste of my time, so stop trying. Just so you know, you’ll achieve nothing out of it, so why don’t you stop wasting your time too (: In short, screw off.

Foresee my next update to be on 9 June because it’s a … special & meaningful day :’) Can’t believe the 4-year anniversary is approaching soon already hee till then x

Falling Fast

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There are times when you feel like the world is full of people that have either forgotten about you or are disappointed in you. Sometimes the feelings don’t even come from actual conversations with these people, but things you’ve played over and over in your head so much that they have mutated into something else entirely. Either way, it all just feels like too much.

So drained, so tired. It has been hell of a week thus far, and it’s only going to get worse. Hoping to have the strength to persevere, proper update soon I guess x

Drive by

 

Really have a thing for skater skirts so prettyyy *o*

I know there’s a severe lack of updates ever since finals ended … I’ll come up with a proper post soon I promise! Too many activities going on these days (not that I’m complaining) so yup too drained / tired ugh.

Can’t wait to head out tomorrow again to meet some of the best people in my life – and play TYWO hee. More about it tomorrow, really really excited hope we will be able to complete the mission/task!

 

Because I’m really contented with my life right now, please let it remain this way x