Wilderness Explorers

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If you just sit and observe, you will see how restless your mind is. If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but over time it does calm, and when it does, there’s room to hear more subtle things – that’s when your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see things more clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, and you see a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than you could see before. It’s a discipline; you have to practice it.
Walter Isaacson

Last weekend was spent in ECP for YB Adventure Camp 2016, and I’m finally having the time to document my experience/journey down properly.

I’ll admit that it didn’t go as smoothly as I intended/expected. I’ll attribute it partially to my fatigue … it was difficult for me to get into the camp mode. And because of the significance that YB AC has to me, I’ll admit that I have very high expectations of it. When we first got into our teams & as I facilitated the creation of our group name/identity, it was so so challenging. But I’m glad. Team Fire really grew a lot, from the first moments together as a team, to when I had to leave on the second night 🙂

This camp taught me a lot, it opened my eyes to many different things & perspectives that I never considered before. This camp, I realised I was interacting with my youths from a somewhat social work-ish perspective; don’t get me wrong – I didn’t view them as Clients. But I realised how intentional I was in balancing the group dynamics, & the kind of words that I used. Call this yet another form of experiential learning? 🙂

Stayed up for the entire first night doing sentry duty, must have been insane but genuinely wanted the rest to get more sleep since I was only staying for 2 days only. It’s so therapeutic to lay on the groundsheet out in the open, staring up into the star-filled sky 🙂 And when dawn was nearing, I went to sit at the shore with 2 of my youths, and we just sat there looking at the sky light up. In that moment, everything in life felt like it fell into place, everything felt right, nothing else really mattered or bothered me anymore. There’s something so addictively calming about the sky, be it sunrise or sunset 🙂 Sitting in silence, pondering over my life and thinking through so many things, I would say that I cleared my mind. Not by a lot, but at least it’s something. We even witnessed a rainbow, how lucky are we? 🙂 Haven’t felt such peace & calm in a long while.

On the second morning, there was a crazy thunderstorm. Our pegged down tents started to   fly away (almost), we braved the thunderstorm to save the items in the tents. And this, marked the start of the turning point of the camp for our youths. This, somehow made our youths get their act together, they were not as idle as before, they started to be even more appreciative. I wasn’t hoping for any of such effects – I genuinely wanted everyone (& their belongings) to be safe & sound, because what’s more important than that right? 🙂

At the beach, I stood by the sea alone, while my team was building a sandcastle for one of the activities. I allowed the waves crash into my feet & I just pondered over how the past two days have been in the camp. Could I have done anything differently to make the experience better for my team? Were there any instances where I should have picked something up but failed to notice? Was it my fault that the youths just seemed disinterested at times during the camp? I was honestly upset then. Upset at myself, confused at the entire situation, and I was on the brink of giving up any hope. And in that moment, marked the turning point of the camp for me. Team Fire was supposed to explain & test out their sandcastle, and they called me to listen to their description. Which really touched me a lot, because at the core of their sandcastle stood a castle that represented me, and they expressed their thankfulness & how they so willingly considered me as part of Team Fire. I was really, really touched then. As cliché as it may sound, it was like the light at the end of the tunnel, when I was being so down & all, they gave me the strength to carry on 🙂

Team Fire isn’t one that’s keen for debriefing/reflections. And I found it a struggle throughout, to try to get them to share properly. & this struggle continued till the last debrief I conducted with them on the second night. They took it seriously albeit it being filled with laughter, and in that moment as we laid on the groundsheet in the semi-darkness, everything felt right again for me 🙂

Many things happened in this camp, I wouldn’t deny it. We had youth falling sick, getting injured/hurt till the point of crying, we had youths feeling angry/upset and caused tension to be present in the camp. This camp might not have been perfect, but it’s these little imperfections that made our youths learn & grow together. What’s the point of a camp that’s smooth sailing anyway? I’m so honoured, and more than glad, to have been participating in this camp alongside my youths.

Pretty bittersweet now that it’s over, hoping to be able to attend my 4th YB Camp next year, but who knows? Nothing is certain. Nevertheless … Thank you for such a memorable YB Adventure Camp 2016. And happy 2-year anniversary to me with ’em YR youths hehe 🙂

 

Till the next time x

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L’espoir

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There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so. -William Shakespeare 

So tempted to just abandon all commitments for a day & just embrace books after books (and no I’m not talking about textbooks), haven’t read from a physical book in a pretty long while and that greatly upsets me because reading is (one of) my form(s) of escapism from reality. Caught myself drifting to Times/Popular Bookstores everytime I’m out & about, just to browse through the books displayed. Holding back (self-control gosh) not to read Me Before You by Jojo Moyes yet till the movie hits the big screen – the extended trailer looks so, so good, I’m a sucker for movies of this genre, almost sure I’ll bawl at some point in time during the movie *o*

Life hasn’t been the best yet in the past week but I’m starting to pick up the pieces of me that I left behind along the way. Heightened self-awareness leads to more probing of oneself, which in some sense is beneficial, but definitely tiring. Still trying to come to terms & rationalise certain emotions that I’m feeling, but it’s easier said than done & I’m honestly drained. Tired of how thoughts inevitably start going in circles & coming to no conclusion ultimately; could this possibly mean that I actually have a conclusion in mind that I refuse to accept, thus I’ll just choose to ignore it?

The heart dies a slow death, shedding each hope like leaves, until one day there are none.
No hopes. Nothing remains.
– Arthur Golden

I learnt that ambiguity is a dangerous thing. Ambiguity leaves room for imagination, and with imagination comes the glimmer of hope. With hope comes expectations, and when expectations aren’t met, things start spiralling down. Who’s there to blame ultimately? Is it the people who failed to meet your expectations? Or should the blame be directed towards nobody but yourself, for having the audacity to hope? I’m in desperate need of some clarity in my life now.

On a lighter note, amidst my crazy busy hectic insane schedule, I managed to head down to different RVPs to volunteer yay 🙂 Not a stranger to most of these places as I’ve headed down previously, but volunteering makes my heart feel so, so full every single time ❤ Gaining new insights with every interaction I have with the beneficiaries, understanding them better, and through them, I understand myself a little more each time. The hours spent volunteering each week are the hours where I get to temporarily put down whatever baggage I have, leave my worries aside, and really enjoy myself in that short time span. And for that, I’m beyond grateful for the breather. Skeptical about how much impact I could have left in their lives from a mere visit or two, but thankful for such opportunities, albeit acknowledging that there’s more I could do for them. Hope they enjoyed my presence as much as I loved their accompaniment 🙂

Food for thought – if we are introducing adhoc into regularity for somewhat personal reasons of growth & learning, are we actually doing more harm than good to those involved? For one, my heart really, really broke when I witnessed a particular scene recently hmm.

Another food for thought – I’m starting to recognise the importance of passion in tiding one through difficulties & issues. I used to acknowledge this truth, but only till recent did I truly embrace the significance of passion.

Week 12 isn’t going to be easy, but as with all tough times previously, we’ll tide through it. The severe lack of sleep from the past few days is starting to take its toll on me, wonder how long it’ll be before I reach my breaking point. So much for testing boundaries and limits haha.

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P.S. I finally got my hands on new calligraphy nibs hehe, time to practice more English calligraphy when I’m free 🙂

x

2015, Au Revoir

SAMSUNG CSC
With an amazing conclusion of 2015, here’s hoping that wishes do come true x

This marks the beginning of the end, and yet the closing of this chapter will lead to an amazing 2016 ahead. This post, while being unable to encapsulate all the moments of 2015, will hopefully be able to document the significant happenings through the year; memories unmentioned will still be etched deeply in my heart 🙂

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The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open.

Do it. Throw yourself.

School.

2015 took me through a hell of a rollercoaster ride in terms of my studies. I started the year as a Psychology undergraduate, and as I’m typing this post, I conclude the year as a Social Work undergraduate. People may think that I’m crazy for changing my course of study when I’m already in my third year of university life – but this is a decision that I wouldn’t regret. I’ll admit that there have been (many) instances where I think about the what ifs, and reminisce about the times in Psychology.

Yet, this first semester as a Social Work major marked the happiest sem I’ve ever been through. Stepping out of the Psychology sphere, I realised how … depressed I have been, trudging through lectures/tutorials, even studying for finals back then was such a torturous journey that I dread every sem. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting Psychology down – I truly respect all Psych majors, for they are able to achieve & excel in a course of study that I’ll never be able to excel in, I get drowned in the competition. Pretty glad that I managed to complete all the core modules in Psych though 🙂

Looking back, my university life has been playing so many tricks on me – so many twists & turns, from pre-uni decisions till now. But like I said, no regrets 🙂 This sem’s Social Work modules have been interesting, looking forward to the subsequent modules in the coming semesters. Gonna attempt to be more studious than I have been this year (lol), and diligently attend all my lectures/tutorials from now on. Going to start my first placement in Social Work next summer, looking forward to a meaningful time, and a meaningful career ahead.

Because after all these, I think I’ve truly found where I belong.

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As you start and end your day, be thankful for every little thing in your life. You will come to realise how blessed you truly are.

CSC.

Life in CSC has been, pretty amazing & completely insane this year. From being the Vice-Chairperson of YR, to taking up the Sec-Treas role in C.A.N. XII, and currently the Vice-President (Regular Programmes) in CSC’s 14th Management Committee.

Rebranding from Youth Rangers to Youth Beacons was a bittersweet thing for me – PRVP Youth Rangers accompanied me through tough times, we battled against all odds and when we thought that things just kept getting worse, a miracle happened. Youth Rangers taught me so many things, it really isn’t easy heading a new programme – no past references to fall back on, everything was experimental & such. RVP Youth Beacons holds the hopes & wishes I have for this programme that has so much potential to continue growing, to continue impacting the lives of a really special group of youths whom I hold dearly & closely to my heart 🙂 Tuesdays were made tremendously better because I get to spend time with ’em youths, never thought that I’d feel so attached to them, but I am. Witnessing their smiles & happiness as they fooled around with each other, really warms my heart.

I must have been insane to sign up for C.A.N. XII in Jan/Feb. But this insane choice gifted me with a summer that was, although busy & stressful as hell, a meaningful one. C.A.N. XII broadened my perspective in many ways, allowing me to really appreciate how diverse and how disparate the lives of Singaporeans can be. No regrets joining C.A.N. XII though it burned all the weekends in June/July haha, looking forward to joining C.A.N. XIII …. as a volunteer hee. C.A.N. XII also reunited me with a senior from NYGG; it also gave me so many friendships that I’ll treasure dearly 🙂 C.A.N. XII taught me to think from different perspectives, to always consider one step ahead, and developed me to be a better volunteer. So glad that my friends came down to volunteer during C.A.N. Distribute, fulfilled my wish of volunteering alongside my friends (and also for them to witness/understand what I’ve been busy with my entire summer haha).

And finally, VPRP. When I first started volunteering in CSC, the thought of eventually ending up as the VPRP was a ridiculous one – a thought that I wouldn’t even have bothered entertaining. How ironic though, considering that I ultimately ran for this position, survived a gruelling elections that drained the hell out of me haha. The journey in 14MC has been quite an … interesting one so far? Interesting is probably an understatement. 14MC gifted me with friendships that I know I’ll treasure for life as well 🙂 And it allowed me to grow & mature as a leader, and pushing me out of my comfort zone constantly. I’m not someone who particularly enjoys, or is even comfortable with chairing meetings, but no matter how much it distresses me, I’ve got to do it. Which is why I’m thankful for all the moral support/encouragement from those who know the stress I have while assuming this position, even if I don’t show it often.

Comparing to the past when I was the YR VC, I’m proud to say that I’ve definitely broken down waaaaaaay less times. Because I realised, that if volunteering is supposed to make me happy, why am I letting the stress get to me? I’m still learning, there are times when I still doubt myself, and the past month has been hell of a journey of soul-searching & reflecting. I need to learn to be less hard on myself, and accept the fact that there are circumstances which are simply beyond my control. It’s tough, I might still make mistakes & wrong decisions along the way, but I’ll learn. To take things in stride & hopefully make the best of my remaining term not only as the VPRP of CSC, but also as a volunteer with the heart to serve.

For these little things, affirm my passion & interest in volunteering.

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Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Life.

I’ve had less time for myself this year despite being out & about doing things that are meaningful to me. Nevertheless, I’m still glad that I had some opportunities to indulge in hobbies that calms me down 🙂

After practicing Chinese Calligraphy for 12 years, I’ve finally gotten down to appreciating English Calligraphy. ‘am amazed & utterly in love with the pretty typography/calligraphy seen online (especially Tumblr), and for someone who’s a sucker for quotes, practicing English Calligraphy makes me really, really happy. Nowhere near perfection, but as with Chinese Calli, I’m sure there’ll be improvements along the way with constant practice hee.

Friendships wise, I’ve reconnected with some old friends & its pretty amazing. Just this past Christmas, a youth from my volunteering days back in JC whom I’ve lost contact with sent me well wishes 🙂 It’s amazing & an incredible heartwarming moment, & so glad to know how much he has progressed in these years.

& because of my busy commitments this year, it has indirectly opened up my eyes to see which friendships are the true ones that are worth keeping. Friends who don’t get upset/angry with my (super) lag replies that are mostly about me complaining how tired/burnt out I was. Friends who were there to give me advice & provide a listening ear regardless of how late it was, friends who went the extra mile to stay up just to make sure I was okay. Friends who made plans with me & trusted me enough to share about their issues. Friends who just wanted to hang out, because we can. & friends who remember the little things, thank you.

For friendships that fell through the cracks this year, all I can say is that it was a huge pity that they ended. For those with or without closure, I remember all the special moments shared. There are friendships that I’m reluctant to let go of, but life works in ways that I’ll never comprehend. Because once the trust is broken, no matter how hard you try to piece the broken pieces, you end up as the one who gets hurt. Maybe this time, I’m done trying. Perhaps, it’s time to let go.

Turned 21 this year, just 5 days ago. Turning 21 means more responsibilities, turning 21 officiates me into adulthood. Turning 21 & celebrating the moment with my loved ones & friends made me so, so happy 🙂 Special thanks to the two chinggus who went the extra mile to help me with the planning, pre-prep, and for everything during the party itself. Thank you for all the heartfelt wishes, be it through handwritten letters or text messages; I’ve read all of them well 🙂 Thank you for the repeated affirmations of the life decisions I’ve had to make this year, thank you for appreciating the friendships we share as much as I do.

There have been too many what-ifs & could-have-beens this year. Leaving things as status quo at the moment, shall see how it plays out in the coming year. No time nor room for regrets, every step I take is a direction that I’ve been destined to head towards to, and while I’m in control of my destiny, I believe that I’m meant to be where I am.

Setting my NYR soon, but I’ll take that offline instead since it’s a tad too personal. Hope that everyone has had a fulfilling 2015, and took the time to just think through the happenings of the year 🙂 Congratulations, no matter how good or how shitty 2015 has been for you, we have all survived the year.

Thank you endlessparadigm for journeying with me through this year, documenting the little events in my life. Wouldn’t have traded for a different 2015, but here’s hoping that 2016 will be a year filled with more smiles & laughter 🙂

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365 new days ahead, 365 new chances. I hope what you’re finding for in 2016.

2016, bring it on. I’m ready for you.

Shiaowei x
31 Dec 2015.

Empire

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And isn’t the point of things – beautiful things – that they connect you to some larger beauty? Those first images that crack your heart wide open & you spend the rest of your life chasing, or trying to recapture, in one way or another?

*clears cobwebs away* Hellooooo endlessparadigm we meet again after a relatively long hiatus.

It has been an interesting & fulfilling (though hectic) December holidays so far. Midway through the month already, mixed feelings about having to head back to school when January creeps closer till it arrives. Many events have happened in this hiatus, and (regrettably) undocumented on endlessparadigm, but definitely etched in my memories 🙂

It has been (and will continue to be) a month of giving, totally embracing the spirit of giving haha. Each volunteering session has concluded with positive takeaways, and the recent volunteering experiences in YB & GAW was no different. The immediate gratification received upon witnessing the happiness & enjoyment of ’em beneficiaries really warms the heart, and continues to affirm how volunteering is not just us giving, but we are on the receiving end as well. I’ve been reminded to enjoy/appreciate the little things in life, the happiness derived from accompaniment of friends, and not take them for granted. More often than not, it’s how you perceive a situation that ultimately determines if you end up happy or otherwise.

I truly believe that everything that we do & everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts & not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door.

Today didn’t exactly start off on a good note, honestly don’t remember when was the previous time I cried this badly till I hyperventilated haha. But I’m thankful it became much better along the way, had so much fun exploring an area that I’d rarely venture into. Finally tried watermelon soju, but it wasn’t as nice as I hoped it’d be – might be because of my high expectations prior to trying it though!

Alright time to wrap up this post, hopefully my frequency of posting will be higher from now on whoops. So glad for December holidays, because I finally get to play the piano & read more books, two things that I really, really enjoy. Perhaps it’s my form of escapism, perhaps it provides an alternative reality.

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And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.

x

Heartbeat

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We’re all scared most of the time. Life would be lifeless if we weren’t. Be scared, and then jump into that fear. Again and again. Just remember to hold on to yourself while you do it.

Had a fun time with (part of) 14MC for MC Photoshoot earlier today 🙂 Really excited and hopeful for the term ahead with 14MC, it won’t be an easy path, but at the end of our term, hopefully we will all be able to look back and have many fond memories etched in our minds/hearts for the rest of our lives 🙂 Glad that I’m given the platform to pursue something that I’m passionate about, hoping that everything will work out eventually. Things have been made easier with a bunch of fun people to work with, I’ll definitely be at a loss without all of their guidance & advice. May 14MC be more bonded, serve CSC well in our various positions, be more active as a volunteer on-the-ground, and have fun while we’re at it 🙂

Received the results of my (one & only) midterms, glad I didn’t screw it up despite studying for it only the night before. Perks of it being a psychology-related social work module, and that it was an MCQ test haha. Need to start mugging for finals soon after all the submissions are over; 3 submissions this week + 1 next week, can’t wait to have the time to fully concentrate on finals! Rather determined to do well (or at least decent) this semester, especially since it’s my first semester taking social work modules hee. Social work studies have been really insightful thus far, and it opened my eyes to many details that I’ve overlooked in the past. May the subsequent modules of social work in upcoming semesters be as fulfilling as this semester has been 🙂

Normality is subjective – it’s a social construct, and it’s perceived in different ways, from different point of views, depending on how you define it to be. What constitutes actions/thoughts that are supposedly normal anyway? Been doing quite a bit of soul searching amidst the busy days, trying to understand what I truly want and what matters more. It’s unhealthy to harp onto things/thoughts that don’t deserve any attention, or even contributing to the sadness faced for that matter. Sometimes it’s inevitable to clutch onto those memories in hope for a reoccurrence even though we know it’s not going to happen. And over-reliance is a big no-no.

But then I realised – you can’t find someone who will fix you. That’s not how it works. You’re supposed to find someone who inspires you to fix yourself. Not someone who thinks all your flaws are perfect, but someone who challenges them; someone who can tell you that you can rise above the past and learn to love & trust again. No one will show up in your life with the magic words to chase the demons away. But one day you will meet someone who will make you want to fight them off yourself, because they deserve nothing less than your best.

Being positive doesn’t mean pretending everything is okay all the time. It means acknowledging your feelings & realising that you have the power to overcome any obstacle. It means realising that although you can’t control your circumstances, you can always see the silver lining. There is always a silver lining.

Late nights serve as an apt time to craft such thought-provoking posts, enjoying the peace & tranquility that only nights can provide. Alright back to socio-cultural theories in social work assignment, hoping to complete it before sunrise haha. Productivity level needs to increaseee haha.

P.S. Really a sucker for flowers & helium balloons, so pretty omg hahah okay till the next time x

Goodbye Lullaby

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It was real. Somewhere between the stars, the lights, I discovered that what we had was real. For a long time I wondered if, while walking by my side, you ever saw it that way, that we had every chance to make it. I saw each footstep we left behind being absorbed, disappearing instantly into collecting pools of water that erased all evidence of us being there. I wondered if the words I spoke to you were more like our footsteps, or the rain; if they covered up the scar of words that foot stepped across your heart, left by those who tried to walk the same uncertain path before me, or if they joined them. I stepped, I spoke, I stopped, and your words fell like rain.

It’s midway through week 8 of school and it has been really, really tiring. Staying up till almost sunrise just to complete assignments, prepare for tutorials, finalise materials for presentations. I really need better time management, and to learn to take things in stride, for currently I just feel so overwhelmed with everything on hand. Typing this post at 3am, as a midway break before I continue trudging through my assignment (yet again).

And recently, I keep getting the question of how I’m coping in my new major, whether I’m regretting the switch, etc etc. I don’t regret I really don’t 🙂 In fact, I’m so appreciative of the many chances for experiential learning, be it NHS or just mere social agency visits. It allows for a step into the sphere of reality in this field, something that theories will never be able to compensate for. And yet it gets upsetting hearing the stories/cases shared, to know that there are so many people out there who require help and assistance – but at least by having a case opened for them, there’s that glimmer of hope. And there are those who fall through the cracks, which results in the inability to receive as much help as they actually need. Hopefully policies will be improved to be more inclusive hmm, but then again there are the pros & cons attached to every decision made.

Increasingly I start feeling the sense of helplessness, the muffled cries of despair; things that you’d have comforted me for in the past, but no longer the present. I hate it whenever I catch myself thinking that I could turn to you to share the details of my life that I used to share – it used to be so natural, and now all that’s left is the sense of void. It’s like this wall built up even higher than before, I don’t even dare to let my thoughts wander there anymore – the hurt’s real. I guess the closure will never be there, because all I’d really want to ask is, “What happened to us?” but I’m afraid of knowing the answer. It’ll forever remain a mystery that’s unsolved, which is a pity because of … well many reasons. I’m just naive to think that promises hold.

On a happier note, I’m glad to be bale to spend time with our youths again today 🙂 They really are my happy little pills – when I was sharing about the programme with a fellow Social Work major, she commented “you must really enjoy your sessions, I can hear the happiness when you’re talking about your youths”; nothing can be more true than that. Our youths will always hold a special spot in my heart – and I hope they will all grow up to pursue their dreams that they shared with us, to be able to attain the freedom and happiness that they’ve always yearned for.

& thank you A for meeting up for lunch earlier this week, it was a much needed break from the insanity faced throughout the weeks (although we aren’t exactly very sane whenever we meet up haha); & thanks Y for the frequent random topics in our chat that always helps to make the long train rides seem much more tolerable. & most importantly, sorry to anyone who felt a certain hostility from me in chats – trust me the fault is entirely on me, the past few weeks haven’t been easy to get by and it’s really getting to me. The last thing I’d want is for any misunderstandings to occur because of my lack of replies (again), or the fact that I don’t sound as “enthusiastic” these days haha.

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Sometimes I can’t help but to wonder, all these trade-offs, are they worth it? x

Reconciliation

Let someone love you just the way you are – as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken room and illuminating a dark room.

Had my very first social work tutorial of my life today, and it was really inspiring/thought provoking. And this is one of the many stories our professor shared with us, which I feel would be good to document down:

She attended a workshop recently, and in the workshop they showed a picture of someone stepping on broken glass.
“Ouch” must have been your first reaction right? Well, at least it was for me.
And yet she shared that, we need to realise that it’s easier to mend the cuts from broken glass,
than to mend a broken heart.

So true, from different perspectives, to such a large extent. The context for this sharing was regarding abandonment of elderly parents by irresponsible children who choose not to take care of their parents, even though those are the times where they require the most help/assistance, be it physically or emotionally.

Something unique about studying social work as an undergraduate would be how relevant & relatable it is to our current context, where different cases we chance upon all serve as platforms for learning & thinking critically – should you be the social worker in charge of the case, would you have made the same decisions, or would you have ventured a different route of help? Something that makes being a social worker so meaningful is really the fundamentals of the profession – as the Code of Professional Ethics states, “The profession of social work is based upon a belief in the value and dignity of all human beings, and a concern for their social well being.” We aim to serve, to help, and to guide people. And yet, something that makes this profession such a vulnerable one would be the susceptibility to a wide range of emotions, and having to discern what the most informed and wise choice is, which then again varies from situations as well as perspectives, alongside the beliefs of both parties.

Intriguing & fulfilling discussions during tutorials, which really allows for the gaining of exposure and depth into situations/perspectives that we might not have even considered otherwise. It has only been 2.5 weeks as a social work major, but I’m not regretting anything, and I’m enjoying it tremendously 🙂 Even with the insane number of readings, it’ll be worth it; the readings are mostly quite interesting anyway, and I feel that I can truly benefit from them. For the areas that I’m lacking in, I’m hoping to improve in these years as a social work undergraduate, before I start my profession 🙂 Really excited for the future, hope this passion will last hee.

Got the chance to chat with my professor after my tutorial session today (coincidentally met each other again), and she asked about my decision to change my major. It was a brave move, she said. But it’s something that I wouldn’t regret, for there’s no room for regret, and upon finalising the decision back during the summer, it was a personal decision to not look back any longer. Sharing briefly about my experiences in CSC and how I’ve met inspiring social workers, then made me realise how much of a significance CSC has played in my life thus far – despite only being an active member from the summer of 2014.

In this one year, so many things have changed. A year ago, I wouldn’t have imagined being elected into the position I’m going to hold officially next Thursday. A year from now, I hope I wouldn’t regret the responsibilities laid upon me alongside this role, and that it’ll be a wonderful journey of self-discovery, while hoping to work well alongside the other members to really create this nurturing environment for CSC 🙂

With elections day 1 concluding on 23 August, and miraculously allowing me to be successfully elected as the VPRP, I’d really hope to express my heartfelt thanks to some people who have played such pivotal & significant roles in the past months.

To the ones who helped me in the decision making of running for this position in the first place, thank you for giving me the courage & encouragement; to allow me to step out of my comfort zone & take action of something that I feel passionate for.

To the ones who helped me review my initial plans/directions & providing constructive criticism/feedback, thank you for all your honesty & different perspectives/inputs which led me to an eventual direction I hope to achieve in my term.

To the ones who supported me throughout the whole course, be it in terms of emotional support and all the well wishes/congratulatory messages after getting elected; or even physically coming down to support me & having to sit through the full 2h of elections, thank you so so much, for I know I wouldn’t have been able to survive without all these support.

To the two whom I’ve been meeting every single day since school started till elections day 1 for meetings after meetings, thank you for going through all these together, and I’m really looking forward to working together in our term, while continuing to have fun & enjoying the company at the same time.

To the one who has been a huge source of inspiration & allowing me to gain new insights, thank you for everything. This position wouldn’t have been made possible for me without you.

This will definitely be documented as one of the craziest wildest decisions I’ve made thus far. But no regrets 🙂

Long day ahead later, still up typing this post at 3.30am, not done with preparations for my tutorials later, but I’m glad the above has been documented and kept safely in endlessparadigm. Time to continue with tutorials, with the songs of Lana Del Rey to accompany me through the night.

Till the next time, and all the best to those running for elections this Sunday (including my sis hee) alright this was such a long & seemingly incoherent post bye x